Confusion on Financial Dom'ing

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shivawn -> Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 2:20:21 AM)
I've been battling myself on the idea of 'financial dominating' for a long time now. I have problems not only seing the merit in it, but also seeing the point of it. Yes yes, I understand the idea of 'different strokes for different folks', but it really seems to have more detrimental effects (equating the idea of BDSM/sex to the idea of money) than positive ones. The general view of it seems to be 'whatever' for most people, unless you're a sub. Now, obviously I'm not saying 'give me free dominating!' or 'you're doing it wrong!', but I feel there is some wrongness behind it or else I wouldn't be so conflicted on the matter. Is there really a better, fuller, meatier explanation past the 'different strokes for different folks' argument? Or is that simply something I'll have to get over and acknowledge that I'm simply not into something like that?

Whenready -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 2:36:57 AM)
Soooo... you're prepared to give your Dom your mind your health your trust your body.... but your money? Ewwwwww that's sordid..... Takes tongue out of cheek again....if it feels wrong to you say so. For some (as I see it - am sure others will have different views) money is just part of the equation. How much and what are up to you and your Dom/me. And if you are giving him/her all the above - why is money different? One can argue - keep the money back - self protection. One can also argue - if you're holding x back - what does that say about the relationship? You and Dom/me will find the right point on the line for you both. Good luck!

shivawn -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 2:40:01 AM)
Fortunately, I am not running into this problem with the people I'm involved with now. However, as one could imagine when perusing this site, you encounter many of these financial dom'ing people, who only desire to execute this fetish first and foremost before anything else happens. It seems very underhanded in this manner, but once again, it could be just as you said... I guess I simply do not see the 'trust' buried in the idea of money. Maybe it is all just inside my own shortcomings then. Either way, cheers.

Whenready -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 3:11:49 AM)
Of course there are those for whom Domming is a job. There are plenty of threads discussing "pro" Dom/me too. In fairness, if "pro" or "tribute expected" is on the profile, thats in the clear - nothing underhanded about it: expect to pay. But speaking hypothetically here, a submissive submits to a Dom/me. The sub and Dom/me love under the same roof. Part of that trust could be handing over salary - and being fed / housed. Again, whether that fits you or not is up to you and those you are involved with. The merit and point MIGHT be demonstration of trust - on both sides.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 3:21:58 AM)
Yup and many people see wrong in homosexual relationships, and many see wrong in hitting people for pleasure, and many see wrong in explicit power dynamic, so therefore there MUST be something wrong it it. Okies Im going to just toddle off to a vanilla life cheers for opening my eyes to the fact that you seeing something wrong means that it is.

stella41b -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 4:51:36 AM)
It's wrong that the vast majority of local councils in the UK are neglecting their legal duties and sending single homeless people away without any help. It's wrong that despite the Sexual Offences Reform Bill 2003 some people can and have been sent to prison for causing marks, cuts, bruises and other non-serious injuries during their sexual activities with other consenting adults. It's wrong that the UK Government is refusing to sign the UN Convention on Enforced Disappearance - enforced detention is where a state detains a person without acknowledging their detention and conceals their whereabouts. It's wrong that Troy Kunkel Davis is sitting on Death Row in Georgia for the murder of a police officer which he didn't commit and wasn't even clearly identified as the murderer. It's wrong that the Royal Mail are taking the rounds off postmen established over 25 and 30 years and forcing them to compete for a fewer number of rounds. Thus it is also wrong that on average Royal Mail expects these workers to work an extra 46 days per year for no increase in pay. It's wrong that despite the world economic crisis partly caused by the credit crunch banks are now recording record profits and awarding themselves inflated bonuses. It's wrong that the Greek police used brutality and force to destroy a refugee camp in Patras. It's wrong that the Armenian authorities do nothing to help women who have been subjected to domestic and sexual violence who have been removed from the residency register by their husbands. It's wrong that Pablo Pacheco Avila has been jailed for 20 years in one of the harshest crackdowns on the dissident movement in Cuba. It's wrong that a school in South London has 100 CCTV cameras installed on its premises and that a further four schools have a similar number of CCTV cameras installed. Ah, but none of the above involve taking money for BDSM activities which should be free, which appears to be so important and so much of an issue that it seems we're getting a new thread on it every other day.

thishereboi -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 4:53:36 AM)
If your not into it, then find a female domme that does not require it. Very simple actually. I am not into scat play. When I meet someone who is into that, then I move on and I don't play with that person. The next sub to come along may be into it and that is great. You don't have to see the merit in something for someone else to enjoy it. Just find someone you are compatible with and be happy. Quit worrying about what the sub down the street is doing.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 4:55:30 AM)
loves Stella

shivawn -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:25:46 AM)
To be fair, Stella, I'm obviously rather new to this board (hence my lower post count), so perhaps I wouldn't know about the often posted topic of Financial Dom'ing. And Lilly, hyperbole isn't a great way to argue it, just the same as Stella's argument. As said, I've accepted that this is a person shortcoming of understanding this, rather than a continued idea of something -wrong- with BDSM. And while I don't see the merit of it, I'm not going to be arrogant enough to protest it/advocate against it actively. It'll just be on the short list of 'hard limits' for me, is all. But thank you for the stimulating dialogue either way. =)

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:33:06 AM)
Right Shivawn, firstly I think hyperbole's work perfectly fine when making a point. Secondly, if you are saying each to their own why bring it to the message board to say that it is wrong because it feels wrong? Surely it is simply something for your profile and for you to realise isn't your bag?

stef -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:38:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shivawn To be fair, Stella, I'm obviously rather new to this board (hence my lower post count), so perhaps I wouldn't know about the often posted topic of Financial Dom'ing. While not unheard of, it's fairly uncommon for someone to come up with a discussion topic that hasn't already been bandied about the forums at one time or another. The following video has some helpful tips tor navigating your way around these, and other forums. Posting and you. As far as the conundrum presented by financial based domination is concerned, if it's not the substance that keeps your boat afloat, you don't have become involved with it. Does the fact that you're not interested in such a relationship make it "wrong?" Not really, it's just something you're not interested in. Skip it and spend your energy pursuing those things you are interested in. ~stef

shivawn -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:43:04 AM)
Well, as said in my original post, I was wondering if there was a better justification for it other than 'different strokes for different folks', and Whenready provided with one more than suffice for my interested mind. While I might of been bold and said it was 'wrong'. However, that has been recanted upon my second post where I say quote: I guess I simply do not see the 'trust' buried in the idea of money. Maybe it is all just inside my own shortcomings then. Either way, cheers. Meaning -I- have the problem with it, and that it's -my- personal problem. Not a problem someone else has to deal with. This is only after Whenready points out the different point of view to me. And I do believe hyperbole is considered a logical argument fallacy and should usually be avoided in solidifying a point... but I'll get back to you on that one. =D

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:47:28 AM)
Sorry that was probably my laziness for not reading your second post. As with most things no there is no better jusification, some get off on it, some think it convenient, some can't find someone another way.

LILPrincessIzzy -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 10:58:57 AM)
I am fairly new to the site but not to the lifestyle. I say everyone makes a living and if that is how some do it let them. But some times you should read what you post then reread it and see how it sounds. To state something is wrong cause you yourself dont understand it in a way opens you up for comments that can be hurtful.

GaPhoto -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 11:03:51 AM)
In a serious (read: live in) D/s (or M/s) relationship, turning over finances can be just another aspect of trusting one's Dominant. Thus the responsibility falls on the Dominant's shoulders to take that money and use it to support and enhance the household. As far as keeping finances, as a just in case scenario, I've seen a couple of Dominants who will actually take what's not used for the household of a submissive's paycheck and put it into a savings account for them. This way they have a safety net, but are still placing complete trust into their Dominant. This isn't necessarily the kind of financial enslavement to which you are referring, but it is one aspect involving finances and a D/s relationship that I have experienced. Beyond that I can postulate that people who are 'seeking financial enslavement' have money to spare, yet are in complete control of their lives, and do not want to be, thus they want someone to take away this which drives them. Not facts, just an educated guess. Zack

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 11:05:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GaPhoto In a serious (read: live in) I swear to god this site is really making me want to cry today, it really really is Edit to add, For above post replace D/s with marriage and it works too amazing that

GaPhoto -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 11:55:00 AM)
D'oh, you are correct. I tend to blank out anything relating to marriage, since the concept is not within my life plans. But yeah. Although the situation to which I was referring, I did not mention that the submissive partner had very little say in where his money went, his paycheck was deposited into an account, and he was allowed a stipend. Wait marriage, nevermind. Zack

Zeknpet -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/28/2009 12:58:04 PM)
Personally, I'm against it. I've seen what unscrupulous "Doms/Dommes" have done to the finances of entire families. Quite recently I learned a friend of mine has been paying a pro Domme and is financially enslaved to her, a friend of hers and his own master, meanwhile he watched his mother's car get reposessed and never offered to help. When something goes awry in his life, it's not going to be the bitches and ho's that show up, it'll be his mother to pay his bail My submissive is fiancially independent. I insist on it. Not for greed, not because I give a rat's ass about money. No. I require it of her because if I get run over by a fucking truck tomorrow she won't HAVE to be dependent on anyone and be able to maintain her life without me.

thishereboi -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/29/2009 7:44:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zeknpet Personally, I'm against it. I've seen what unscrupulous "Doms/Dommes" have done to the finances of entire families. Quite recently I learned a friend of mine has been paying a pro Domme and is financially enslaved to her, a friend of hers and his own master, meanwhile he watched his mother's car get reposessed and never offered to help. When something goes awry in his life, it's not going to be the bitches and ho's that show up, it'll be his mother to pay his bail My submissive is fiancially independent. I insist on it. Not for greed, not because I give a rat's ass about money. No. I require it of her because if I get run over by a fucking truck tomorrow she won't HAVE to be dependent on anyone and be able to maintain her life without me. If your freind gave all his money to a pro and didn't help his mother, the problem is with your friend, not the pro. Hopefully his mother will make him sit for a while and think about that before she comes to bail his ass out.

HagiaSophia -> RE: Confusion on Financial Dom'ing (7/29/2009 10:39:51 AM)
First off, why isn't a "different strokes for different folks" explanation meaty enough for you? What is it about this particular form of play/submission that requires a higher level of justification? Devoid of any sarcasm, you're 23, you might not get why someone who has spent the last 10 years juggling a mortgage, 8 years of college loans, car payments, and various other bills, would find a deeper sense of peace and submission in relinquishing control of his or her finances. The smart person goes about it responsibly, with a responsible dominant. They get to know one another, establish trust, and limits - they do not ignore their vanilla obligations. A responsible dominant often manages assets, instead of spuriously depleting them.

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