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AAkasha -> RE: Female Led Relationships (7/29/2009 9:05:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
I think the naysayers here are overreacting in general, turning the OP's question into something different from the one he actually asked.
The OP said nothing aout "constant corporal punishment". That is very different from what the OP asked about, "a relationship where the woman is in charge, and corporal punishment is common practice." "Common practice" does not mean "constant", and in fact implies very little about frequency. It could mean once a month, once a week, once a day, or simply whenever the woman thinks it's necessary or desirable.
It is also not a complete fantasy, as previously stated. There clearly are relationships like the OP asks about, and whether anyone else considers them "true" femdom is not particularly relevant. Of course it makes no sense to use CP to punish a masochist for misbehaving. However, it does make sense if he's not a masochist, and the OP never said whether he was or wasn't. His desire for CP does not mean that he enjoys the pain; it may be quite the opposite. A lot of people don't enjoy pain, but are excited when it is used to reinforce the roles in a relationship, as a demonstration of control and dominance, or yes, possibly even to correct behavior. It is a case where something that really you don't like becomes something that you crave on an emotional level.
Call this role play or fantasy if you like. However, there's an element of role play and fantasy in almost everything we talk about regarding BDSM.
Punishment in the form of fetish play of any kind does not work as an effective problem-solving tool in mutually affectionate relationships. It can cause confusion, mixed signals and resentment. Unless it's "make believe" punishment where both parties are both acknowledging that the minor infraction was addressed properly and understood, the result of using kinky play to address bad behaviors just reinforces it.
More importantly, if a kinky sub ever wants to have something like corporal punishment play a REGULAR role in his relationship, why not associate it with positive behavior and not negative? If it's supposed to be "punishment," it's safe to say that the smoother, the more serene the relationship the less he will ever see of this punishment. I can't count on two fingers (well, maybe even one) how many times in my current relationship I have honestly been upset with my partner; does that mean that if he was, on some level, a fan of corporal punishment, he'd be looking at an 8+ year drought of this kind of enforcement?
In functional, happy relationships there's much less "punishment" (read: none, if it's a really good one) than "play." I would rather a submissive drop his fantasy ideals that he gets spanked with a hairbrush or paddled 15 times for forgetting to pick up his socks, so I can know that either his socks are always picked up or he's just not just doing it to get a rise out of me; then I can put him over my knee and spank his ass until he cries just because it gets me off, and just "invent" some reason do it, which we both know is part of the game.
Akasha
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