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a time line on love - 7/29/2009 2:35:30 AM

jeninvegas

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I was having a conversation with an older friend about relationships. Like I said, he is older and has a lot more experience in relationships than I do so I hold his advices and such in a high light. He said something the other day that got me thinking. Casually, he said, "In three months, oh yeah, you should already know if you're in love with that person or not." Hmmm....does being in love really have a time line on it? I don't believe that there's a certain time period or due date on love...I mean, so am I suppose to drop my partner because I feel that the L word isn't there yet? I'm not saying stick it out when you know there's no future in it. But if you feel right in the relationship, not being abused in a negative way, are happy, healthy and having fun, what's the problem? Love will develop if it is meant to be.

Any respectable thoughts?

_____________________________

"If you're going through hell, keep going..." -Winston Churchill

"9 out of 10 guys like girls with big boobs; the 10th guy likes the 9 other men." --Just Shoot Me

"Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun." Lady GaGa.

Post #: 1

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 2:45:41 AM

LillyoftheVally

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OK firstly having more of something doesn't necessarily mean more knowledge of it, he could have gone from one disaster to another.

In regards to love having a time limit, no of course not, I mean it depends what you think love is, I use it to mean a million things. But on a more basic level you may have only been on three dates in those three months who knows, but if that is the kind of advice he gives maybe you shouldn't hold it in such high regard.

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RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 2:47:12 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jeninvegas
Hmmm....does being in love really have a time line on it?

No, it doesn't.

the.dark.

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Post #: 3

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 3:27:52 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

"In three months, oh yeah, you should already know if you're in love with that person or not."

you may or may not be. You may or may not be aware of it. But a three month time frame is rather ridiculous. My guess is in that short period of time you are still in lust (ie clouded judgment).

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RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 3:43:10 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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While it's certainly Possible to know in that sort of time frame - it's not a given, by no means a requirement, and no guarentee that you aren't simply feeling that first flush of overactive imagination combined with lust.

Time line though? No. Absolutely not. Nature moves at it's own pace, and that pace is different for every individual within it. Don't allow someone else's pace to dictate to you what YOU should expect out of life. No doubt he means well - but frankly, he's fulla ... well... something, anyway.

And here's a piece of advice offered freely ...... never make someone a priority in your life when you are nothing but an option in theirs.

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RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 7:59:49 AM

UncleNasty

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Love = human emotions.

Human emotions aren't rocket science. They're more complicated than rocket science and there are no hard and fast rules.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 6

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 8:32:08 AM

pixidustpet

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TheEngineer and i took 9 years to figure out we wanted to be together. nine years in which we both saw other people (but kept in touch) till i sent him that email a year and a half ago.

kitten

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 7

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 9:57:34 AM

popeye1250

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I think "love" takes time. How much time is subjective.

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Post #: 8

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 10:56:17 AM

olena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

Love = human emotions.

Human emotions aren't rocket science. They're more complicated than rocket science and there are no hard and fast rules.

Uncle Nasty

I like this very much. Love depends on so many things. It can be how a person is as some love after first date and some take a long time. It can be how much actual time together has been spent. Are the people together day in or day out or are they only seeing each other one day a week. It can be based what the two have been through together. Has it been just fun dates or have they been there through some bad times for the other.

We are humans we are not logic based but emotion based.

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 9

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 10:58:34 AM

Termyn8or

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I remember love. Never got her in the sack for some wierd reasons, but it was real. I mean to the point that when she was on her period I felt like shit. It took about a week to get there, but over time it got to the point where I could almost read her mind. I saw her socially for many years, but never put the moves on her, and in retrospect I think my sense of self preservation was kicking in.

I wanted so much more than a roll in the hay that it was scary. I wanted to take her away. Both leave our families, jobs and especially friends. She was quite popular, and temptation would always be there. If I could go back in time her and I might be in another state with a crop of kids.

It has never been so real since. I have never found that kind of empathy for anyone since. To this day if someone looked at her funny I might be prompted to action. She says call her anytime, but what would I say ? Describe a life we could've had ?

Over the years I found that she was not loose, I could've trusted her. So now for the last thirty years I have had regrets. So all I can say is go for it. If you feel it, do it. That might be the stupidest advice ever, but I have to let it stand. And there is no time frame.

And I do know the difference between love and lust. A Man in lust is thinking with his penis. This was different. Of course I wanted that, but I also wanted to caress her and be with her all the time. I wanted to see her pregnant and know that I was the guy who caused that. And she was healthy, we probably would've had great kids. Her intellect was good. Maybe not on par with mine, but good enough. We wouldn't raise any dummies. Our characteristics would be symbiotic, in retrospect, I think our offspring would have been an asset to the world.

The attraction was mutual, but I just wouldn't jump because I was actually afraid to. As I said I saw her socially for many years, and when I showed up with another Woman, she came out as a Lesbian a few months later. I have no idea what went through her mind, and whether this was a latent tendency that made me skiddish, or if her turning was an act of self preservation. (mentally)

Years later she changed her name and shacked up with another Woman, and I went over to visit and they were handcuffed together ! At that point I was thinking "Damn, now I know I missed out on something". I am not proud of this - it took alot of booze and drugs to get her out of my system. Ever see the Hank Williams story ?

At this point I say go for it if you feel it. You only live once. If it's not real, it ends, so what ? You most likely have some fun in the interim and we know everything ends badly. The hurt goes away in time. But that doesn't mean don't try, it might take getting a few years under your belt to know it is real, but there is one sure thing in life - if you don't try you are not going to succeed.

Perhaps I should've ripped her clothes off and took her on the couch, right there in front of Mom and the dog and who knows. Actually her Mom was really cool, if I had done this she would have simply finished steeping her tea and and watch TV or something. The dog may have barked but I helped train the dog so I would have nothing to worry about. How would my life differ ? The possibilities are staggering. And her earning power is equal to mine, we would have had a really good life.

I have never found anyone even close in the last thirty years, regret ? I could speak volumes about it. So go for it. The worst that can happen is that you kill each other. So what ? As a result of this course of events I feel as though I have never really been happy, nor satisfied. Sometimes I wonder why I went to the trouble of being born.

So go for it and fuck whether it is real or not. Carpe Diem.

T

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 10

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 11:02:27 AM

LillyoftheVally

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Gotta say Term I couldn't get to the end of that, very uncomfortable reading

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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Post #: 11

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 11:06:07 AM

Termyn8or

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Sorry, but it's all true. Suffice it to say if I EVER get a similar opportunity I am jumping on it.

T

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 12

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 12:13:44 PM

jeninvegas

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
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Carpe Diem, indeed!

_____________________________

"If you're going through hell, keep going..." -Winston Churchill

"9 out of 10 guys like girls with big boobs; the 10th guy likes the 9 other men." --Just Shoot Me

"Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun." Lady GaGa.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 13

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 1:40:52 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jeninvegas

Carpe Diem, indeed!

Have you been emotionally healthy and happy for the last three months? If so, who cares about the L-word. And, if you haven't -- well, if the relationship is toxic to you, it might be a good idea to get some distance even if you love him to pieces.

I suggest you think less about "loving" and more about "thriving." That might give you the answer you need.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to jeninvegas)

Post #: 14

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 1:48:02 PM

Loki45

Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jeninvegas

I was having a conversation with an older friend about relationships. Like I said, he is older and has a lot more experience in relationships than I do so I hold his advices and such in a high light. He said something the other day that got me thinking. Casually, he said, "In three months, oh yeah, you should already know if you're in love with that person or not." Hmmm....does being in love really have a time line on it? I don't believe that there's a certain time period or due date on love...I mean, so am I suppose to drop my partner because I feel that the L word isn't there yet? I'm not saying stick it out when you know there's no future in it. But if you feel right in the relationship, not being abused in a negative way, are happy, healthy and having fun, what's the problem? Love will develop if it is meant to be.

Any respectable thoughts?

Three months, hmmm? That'd be about half-way through my longest relationship.

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Post #: 15

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 2:20:25 PM

slaveboyforyou

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From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
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It's different for everyone. When I fall for someone, it generally happens within the first couple of months. If I don't have ANY feelings for someone after a month, I generally don't continue seeing them as a lover. I have A LOT of female friends that I've dated. I have more female friends than I have male friends, and I've dated all of them. Great drinking buddies, but no spark. Honestly, if I don't feel that "spark" within the first couple of weeks, I know it's probably not going anywhere.

Now, that's me. Some people hold their cards closer to their chests; I don't. I am blunt and upfront. If I hit it off with someone; I will open up and tell them everything about me within the first week or two. I'm a talker; I can talk for hours about everything. Again, not everyone is like that. Some people need a lot of time to open up and get to know someone. I don't do well with women like that, because I'm persistant and pushy. I tend to expect others to open up like I do. Different strokes for different folks as the cliche goes.

(in reply to jeninvegas)

Post #: 16

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 10:21:57 PM

subfever

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

Love = human emotions.

Human emotions aren't rocket science. They're more complicated than rocket science and there are no hard and fast rules.

Uncle Nasty

Love is emotion.

Emotion is not logic.

Defining love in logical terms is indeed complicated, if possible at all.

To answer the OP's question, love is not restricted to time parameters, for we are not all emotionally identical.

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 17

RE: a time line on love - 7/29/2009 10:43:33 PM

Termyn8or

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SBFY, let's just hope what you call persistent and pushy eventually means interested. It is a matter of attention. Some thrive on it, others shun it.

I actually shun praise, for anything. If I do well at work and it is mentioned I tend to brush it off as "Just my job". Really when something goes right I know something is going to go wrong eventually. The fact that I/we succeeded that day is just part of life.

In that way I can avoid the trap of being marginally manic depressive or bipolar, as most people are these days. I mean there is a joke out there about if you know three people who are sane, you are the insane one, something like that. Sometimes I think it's true.

Love, and lust even can be considered a form of insanity. Think of what you would do ? Ha, more than people think I bet.

I have become quite stoic over the years and really, I have found it to be a good path. Rejecting certain forms of enjoyment makes it easier to deal with the inevitable suffering. When others cry, I think. I tend not to lament problems, but to solve them. I have only admitted this to a very few but when asked if I had any heroes growing up I never told. But there was one. Spock. Through cool and calm thinking in a crisis I estimate he saved the planet a half dozen times, the galaxy twice and the whole universe at least once. I really lost count. But it makes sense to me, insanity or no insanity, keep your wits abou,,,,, wait that doesn't quite work does it ?

But you get my drift, it is actions that define. Everyone in the world has probably been somewhere where they felt like punching someone in the head, but instead they would, for example, simply finish their beverage and go home. In other words I think the crazy thoughts occur to all, but the sane know how not to act upon them. But with love equated with insanity, the plot thickens. Is the urge even greater than insanity ? I would guess it depends on the individual.

T

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 18

RE: a time line on love - 7/30/2009 8:14:32 PM

DesFIP

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I think he has a point. If you're dating for three months and you still feel like he's your brother it is unlikely that you will suddenly wake up head over heels in love two weeks later.

You may deny your true feelings to yourself for a while but that's different.

But if you are happy and having fun and neither of you have any other expectations then why not continue to enjoy yourselves as long as it isn't at the expense of the other.

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Post #: 19

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