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help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 6:59:33 AM   
coca


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		It was difficult to begin and explain to my girlfriend about Ds relations. But it happened and we have Ds relation for about more then 4 years.
I am sub and She is dominant. She loves me big time. However , I feel i dont love myself , from my childhood i always wanted to be punished. And I couldnt punish myself in good shape. So She knows that i am needy and She knows that I need to be punished. We have good communication comparing with my other vanillia friends. She didnt have any clue about BDSM before me, She learnt it with my help (via internet book etc.) She is telling me She likes it. I can feel that She likes dominating me.

BUT sometimes I really need to be punished , I dont like my behaviours etc. I tried to tell this feelings to Her. She understood me and She gave me once or twice the punishments. But afterwhile She is not asking it anymore and not doing it.I think She loves me and She doesnt want to give me punishments.. So what should a sub do? İf feeling needing punishment and can not have them?

Another thing is having CB3000 on? I always thought and wanted to not have orgasms. I always wanted to be restricted. She knows my desire and She liked the idea to put me in it if She is not around. Is it normal to have this feeling for subs or should this come from the owners?

Yes it seems always as a sub i am needing and always wanting something. But after giving some things to me and not keep doing it later i feel a little bit upset. I told these problems to Her. She told me That i am so spoiled and wanting to much. But after then She s not giving me punishments for these needings. As a sub should i stop to ask? And then afterawhile nothing getting from Her which I need..
Sometimes I thought I should finish the Ds relation. But I can not. I am lucky and I have something many sub doesnt have… And i know I can not find anyone who can love met hat much and who can understands me and my problems. I feel pathetic and lonely…

And once She admits She is lazy and sometimes She forgot my needs.. 
What should a sub do in these situations if his Domme loves him so much….
regards
coca
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 7:03:40 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Your needs, your wants. Maybe the first thing you should do is decide what kind of relationship you are actually suited too, firstly I doubt you WANT to be punished, you want play, which is cool, but if you want to submit then no offense that means submitting, your Domme chooses what to do with you not you, if you want to play then ask to play fair enough but call a spade a spade.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 7:13:09 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You don't ask for punishments.  You tell her what you did and she decides.

Here's a sub exercise for you: Ask her what will make her happy, and then do it.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 1:18:36 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Being a submissive is a bit like being a genie - you make someone else's wishes come true.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
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(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 1:25:56 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Being a submissive is a bit like being a genie - you make someone else's wishes come true.


WIN 


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 1:54:14 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Being a submissive is a bit like being a genie - you make someone else's wishes come true.

In the most profligate expenditure of points ever for me... 50 points!

GOD I love that about as much as I love dhavan's quote in my sig.. I wonder if I can squeeze them both in?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/29/2009 1:55:54 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Being a submissive is a bit like being a genie - you make someone else's wishes come true.


I want the little harem girl outfit to go with that...can I please?! 


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/31/2009 12:50:16 AM   
coca


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		hmm..
in my country it is difficult to find Femdom relations. Why? Because sex is still taboo for most of the women here...
Maybe thats why its really difficult to find or choose the right Domme.
Maybe the other subs in other countries dont have these problems..


I dont know the situations for other countries? Can subs choose or try different Domme's for finding the best D-s relation for themselves or they dont have any rights to choose anything??????



< Message edited by coca -- 7/31/2009 12:57:19 AM >

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/31/2009 12:56:45 AM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coca


Can subs choose or try different Domme's for the best D-s relation????




Only if your gf knows about it and accepts it.

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/31/2009 7:49:05 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

hmm..
in my country it is difficult to find Femdom relations. Why? Because sex is still taboo for most of the women here...
Maybe thats why its really difficult to find or choose the right Domme.
Maybe the other subs in other countries dont have these problems..


I dont know the situations for other countries? Can subs choose or try different Domme's for finding the best D-s relation for themselves or they dont have any rights to choose anything??????



Whoa, there coco, don't go haring off in a new direction on us just yet. 

Seems like you dodged the posts about your first question which was very -you- centered, and not at all focused on -her-.  If I were to give you advice, it would be to try to find a therapist or psychologist to talk about your issues of punishment through.  All of us come with a certain amount of emotional baggage, but it is those who take the time to sort through and at least understand -what's in their baggage- that (IMO) are the most successful in life and relationships.    Why at age 30, should you still be carrying around crap from your childhood?  You are the sum of all your experiences, but those experiences should -enhance- you, not run you.  Get to a therapist and talk those issues out so they do not run/ruin your relationships.

As for females in Turkey and if you can shop around...I would follow LadySweetOrSour's advice.

Good luck! 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 7/31/2009 8:17:06 AM   
kinkbound


Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

It was difficult to begin and explain to my girlfriend about Ds relations. But it happened and we have Ds relation for about more then 4 years.
I am sub and She is dominant. She loves me big time. However , I feel i dont love myself , from my childhood i always wanted to be punished. And I couldnt punish myself in good shape. So She knows that i am needy and She knows that I need to be punished. We have good communication comparing with my other vanillia friends. She didnt have any clue about BDSM before me, She learnt it with my help (via internet book etc.) She is telling me She likes it. I can feel that She likes dominating me.

BUT sometimes I really need to be punished , I dont like my behaviours etc. I tried to tell this feelings to Her. She understood me and She gave me once or twice the punishments. But afterwhile She is not asking it anymore and not doing it.I think She loves me and She doesnt want to give me punishments.. So what should a sub do? İf feeling needing punishment and can not have them?

Another thing is having CB3000 on? I always thought and wanted to not have orgasms. I always wanted to be restricted. She knows my desire and She liked the idea to put me in it if She is not around. Is it normal to have this feeling for subs or should this come from the owners?

Yes it seems always as a sub i am needing and always wanting something. But after giving some things to me and not keep doing it later i feel a little bit upset. I told these problems to Her. She told me That i am so spoiled and wanting to much. But after then She s not giving me punishments for these needings. As a sub should i stop to ask? And then afterawhile nothing getting from Her which I need..
Sometimes I thought I should finish the Ds relation. But I can not. I am lucky and I have something many sub doesnt have… And i know I can not find anyone who can love met hat much and who can understands me and my problems. I feel pathetic and lonely…

And once She admits She is lazy and sometimes She forgot my needs.. 
What should a sub do in these situations if his Domme loves him so much….
regards
coca


Is it fair to pressure a woman, who almost certainly is not educated in the proper field, to help you process unresolved emotional issues which originate back to your childhood?




(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 1/9/2010 12:28:00 AM   
coca


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		so, non of the sub-slaves here feel pathetic???

I can not control my desires , I feel weak about this.
My Owner controls me and I feel more happy...

so how about the other subs?

(in reply to kinkbound)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 1/9/2010 6:15:49 AM   
JoeVanilla


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		I don't feel pathetic. More "proud to serve" and perhaps a little inferior but never pathetic. I serve as a trusted advisor, personal assistant, housekeeper and a bunch of other things. My greatest need is to see her happy. Sometimes that requires no more than QUIETLY hanging out together... turning off my chattermouth.

Sometimes focusing on someone else's needs can help us forget about our own and after awhile the need becomes less. Needs change, people grow. Think about it... there was a time when you needed someone else to provide you with food clothing and shelter. You've grown and that need has presumably gone away. This can also happen with other needs.

Constant obsession with what we don't have can just make the problem worse... maybe resolve to put your needs on a back burner for a month or two and see what happens??? When you remove the pressure to perform, she might just surprise you.

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 1/9/2010 6:32:30 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

And once She admits She is lazy and sometimes She forgot my needs..
wow...do you realize how self centered you sound?

She loves you. She entered the BDSM lifestyle because of you.
And you are complaining that all your needs are not being met?


right here, dude:
quote:

BUT sometimes I really need to be punished , I dont like my behaviours etc. I tried to tell this feelings to Her. She understood me and She gave me once or twice the punishments. But afterwhile She is not asking it anymore and not doing it.
It is all about what you want from her....what you want her to do to you....what needs you want her to fill.
You think she will not punish you because she loves you. I would ask that you see it from a different point of view....perhaps she feels that you see her value to be in direct correlation to the implement she is swinging?


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(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 1/9/2010 10:24:08 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Submission isn't an escape from very real life experiences and wounds. If you ask this of someone; you ask too much.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: help me pls.- loving Femdom?? - 1/9/2010 8:43:34 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

Have you thought about asking your Mistress if she's interested in getting tutored?

Or maybe she'll agree with you getting training and punishment from other Mistresses but you stay owned by your Mistress. Have you asked her about this idea?

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 16
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