Oh no, please don't do that...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Oh no, please don't do that...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Oh no, please don't do that...

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:17:08 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

...so I'm in the early stages of a new relationship, we are not located in the same cities, we both have family obligations, career obligations, assets etc--so out of the gate, lots of things to be dealt with before anything permanent could happen. Things are moving along fine--slow--evolving, exploring interests, hobbies, families, laughing, then today I get a text message begging for Me to own him---no not that cute kinda oh Mistress please--that all out, please make me yours--please--yes I'm flattered, however, I feel now very pressured, very very pressured---thoughts?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:27:01 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

What advice would you give other in the same situation Ma`am. I think I know and there you have your answer.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:29:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Hello Cat... I think a lot depends on a number of things, but personally, having been pressured a few times, I must say that I don't do pressured. Anyone who has tried to pressure me finds that I calmly set the stage and remind them of that. I am personal and compassionate, but I just won't allow someone to pressure me or allow myself to feel pressured. I do things when I want to and think its best.

Has my heart wanted to jump in there from time to time? Yes. And from that I learned it is a huge mistake. I never jumped into owning someone, but I have jumped more quickly into some mild dominance and submission and I have pretty much been sorry most every time. So I don't do it... unless I want to and think it is worth the risk of making a mistake.

I would dig and find out what is going on that he feels such a need and see where it comes from.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:32:42 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

That's just it, the advice I'd give another would be, I don't know...I had the same problem several months ago when a sub I was interviewing blurted out he loved Me after a short period of time, I dont offer promises of Nirvana, I keep the reins very tight----I don't give views or glimpses of heaven on earth--then BAM----

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Politesub53)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:39:07 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Forgive me for assuming then Ma`am. I was thinking you would advise anyone asking not to let herself be pressured into a situation, until she was certain it was what she wanted.

As for falling in love, some of us are just old romantics at heart..lol

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 4:55:28 PM

Starbuck09

Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Tell him how you feel cat it never fails. Just say that while you like him alot and the possibility for the kind of relationship he wants is certainly a possibility in the future, you still need to ensure you are compatible for such a relationship to work. and to ascertain compatibility you need space and to take things slowly. If he understands that then no problems if not then he isn't right for you either way you will have your solution.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/29/2009 7:05:02 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I had a thread like this on the Ask a Master forum not long ago wondering if a potential submissive/slave had any clue what would be expected of them should such a request be granted. In many cases, they are clueless as to what it all will actually mean. In this case, I think part of it is going to be you clarifying exactly what it is he means when he says such a thing. Then you can tell him what your version of that request would be. He may become even more inclined to be yours, back off and allow things to grow more, or walk away altogether. It is really going to depend on how he feels about your view of ownership. Further, if he understands your view, he is in a better position to understand why it will take time to be ready to enter that level in your relationship with him. If he really wants to be yours, then he will respect your wishes and lay off the pressure.

Keep in mind that his feelings are likely intense. Be as gentle as you are able. You say things have been going well. I am sure you would like to continue, provided you can resolve this current issue. Try to keep away from leaving him feeling rejected. That isn't the intent of this conversation, but it can come off that way. He needs to know that you still enjoy him and want to keep exploring as much as he needs to know where the boundaries currently are.

lovingpet

(in reply to Starbuck09)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/30/2009 1:35:03 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

In my opinion, if it was something that's supposed to be permanent not just a temporary fling..I have to agree with Lockit, I wouldn't do pressure, and well *copy pastes the rest of Lockit's post*
and in the spirit of this site...communicate!

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/30/2009 2:23:41 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Seems intensity's the problem here. I'd tend to want to control that by limiting time with him. Chances are that the intensity's at least partially the result of fantasy - so, steady, measured and limited doses of reality might modify the intensity a bit.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/30/2009 3:00:55 PM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 7/30/2009 4:41:00 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Take time.

As said above, if it were me I would just gently explain to him that you need to take things slowly, if there is to be any long term D/s relationship between the two of you. I would set limits about whether, or how, he is allowed to beg for your ownership. Parameters that you are comfy with.

I would offer him reassurances, and make sure he knows all that you require in a slave. I would be clear with him about my feelings (needing to proceed slowly and carefully, in particular- but everything else as well), while also letting him know that the relationship is on track and you do seem to share the same vision for the future.
I would let him know that the strong potential that your relationship has, to come to fruition, is exactly what makes it all the more important to you both, to proceed slowly and carefully. That you value it too much to risk screwing things up by hurrying. And especially I would let him know that you are really enjoying the chance to luxuriate in, and to slowly, sweetly savor this new beginning together with him.

The boy needs reassurances: to include a clear set of your expectations of him, and for the relationship. Let him know that you do see a possible future with him, and for that to happen, you will lead him at your own pace. Period.

When a horse you are leading gets a little overeager, you calm and reassure him, but you hold the reins. You are the controller.

Patience is needed, from both of you.

Take time.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 8/2/2009 8:35:52 AM

IamShe

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/3/2009
Status: offline

I let a sub know at the outset there will be no remote possibility of a session for more than six months, until I have a chance to learn whether we are even remotely compatible, or not. That usually weeds out the overeager wanna be's, but not always.

Now would be a good time to tell him you're flattered, but that you don't know if he truly comprehends what it would mean to be your submissive. Tell him in six months, if he still feels the same way, you'll discuss the possibility, but not at this point in time, it's too early.

If he disappears ~~you're better off. If he responds with an immediate 'six months, thank you ma'am', and focuses on continuing to develop the relationship, then you're one step ahead of the game.

I believe that six months is a good indicator of how much the sub is willing to put into the relationship. If I decide three months down the road that it's time to move forward, then it's on MY schedule, not his.

IaS

< Message edited by IamShe -- 8/2/2009 8:44:32 AM >

_____________________________

yes, IamShe, I am Still She, even though this is a new moniker......

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 8/2/2009 2:49:36 PM

TheLadyIsADomme

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I would let him know that the strong potential that your relationship has, to come to fruition, is exactly what makes it all the more important to you both, to proceed slowly and carefully. That you value it too much to risk screwing things up by hurrying. And especially I would let him know that you are really enjoying the chance to luxuriate in, and to slowly, sweetly savor this new beginning together with him.

The boy needs reassurances: to include a clear set of your expectations of him, and for the relationship. Let him know that you do see a possible future with him, and for that to happen, you will lead him at your own pace. Period.

When a horse you are leading gets a little overeager, you calm and reassure him, but you hold the reins. You are the controller.

Patience is needed, from both of you.

Take time.

Thank you for this. I completely agree with you. It seems that so often we are so anxious to get things started, that we forget that a good relationship, of any kind, takes time to really become something special. I also like the other suggestion about 6 months from I Am She. That makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I feel like I am rushing toward something and not savoring the journey to get there.
Thanks!

_____________________________

Warmly,
LD

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Oh no, please don't do that... - 8/2/2009 3:24:38 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Anytime, girlfriend!

Good things are worth waiting for, and being patient.

Life is about the journey. Not (just) the destination.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance is a good book to read, about that whole Zen thing of enjoying (or properly appreciating) every step of the journey.

Edited to add:

*awaiting the OP's return*

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 8/2/2009 3:57:54 PM >

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)

Profile

Post #: 13