Expectations (Full Version)

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cpK69 -> Expectations (7/30/2009 8:19:14 AM)

I was curious to know, would it offend you if no one expected anything from you?

The thought just popped in there.. thought I'd ask, since I thought there was a possibility that I might be, but at the same time, don’t feel I have a ‘right’ to expect anything of others.

Thanks,

Kim



SteelofUtah -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 8:34:26 AM)

I like living up to others expectations of me....... Except for when I was in Active addiction then peoples expectations of me were that I was a fuck up.

Today people know they can count on me and some of them even expect to be able to and I kinda dig that concept.

Not Something I always had.

Steel



cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:21:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I like living up to others expectations of me....... Except for when I was in Active addiction then peoples expectations of me were that I was a fuck up.



Hello Steel,
Good point. I hadn't thought of that side of it when I asked.
Kim



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:31:22 AM)

I'm tired of trying to live up to other peoples' expectations of me.  I've spent the majority of my life being "the responcible one" and "the trustworthy one" and "the one that gets things done for everyone."  I'm Tired of people Expecting me to pick up the pieces for them, to take all the responcibility on my own shoulders, to get the crap done that they Won't do because they're too busy fucking off their own lives.  I'm tired of being the one that everybody calls FIRST if something needs to get finished that they don't want to do themselves. 
 
And I'm tired of them going out of their way to make certain I know what a Disappointment I am to them if I happen to say, "No - I have my Own life to take care of right now," or maybe, "Sorry, but I have to much on my plate, you'll have to find someone else to bail you out."  Especially when the ones who are Most prone to doing that - are also the ones who are most prone to calling me when they get tasked with something they simply don't want to do, or which might cut into their sluff off time.



DesFIP -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:33:59 AM)

If it were my kids who felt they couldn't ask me for anything, then I would be a bad parent. The same for my elderly father. But just other people? They can ask but they cannot expect me to agree.



cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:43:57 AM)

Could it be a matter of  people having unreasonable expectations, or has there been so much that you’ve just had your fill?

I can only try to imagine what it is like for you.

Kim



LaTigresse -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:45:44 AM)

It is entirely up to us to create what other people expect of us. So, within that perimeter, I don't mind others having expectations of me. I've created them.

The problem comes when we allow people to create expectations that intrude beyond those perimeters and we feel we have to live up to them. Then we feel put upon, we get resentful, and ultimately there ends up being a breakdown of some sort. Either the person, or the relationship.

The key is to maintain the perimeters and not let a situation build. Even then, it doesn't always work well. I am sure there are those of us that find it much easier than others. We are usually the ones, especially those of us that are women, that get called cold, unfeeling, bitches...........whatever comes to their mind at the moment. But I would rather that, than comply then have bigger problems later on.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:48:08 AM)

I prefer to set my own expectations for myself, and to try not to have expectations for other people, unless we've negotiated what we all consider to be 'reasonable' expectations for a given dynamic or situation (for example, my boss should reasonably be able to expect that I will do my best to complete all the various aspects of my job description that I signed off on when I took the position).

In general, though, I prefer that people not assume that I'm on board with whatever secret expectations they may have for me... maybe because I spent most of the first three decades of my life trying to -figure out- and then -live up to- someone else's expectations for me, and it -so- didn't work.

Dame Calla



Kana -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:54:05 AM)

an expectation is a premeditated resentment



angelikaJ -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 10:00:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I like living up to others expectations of me....... Except for when I was in Active addiction then peoples expectations of me were that I was a fuck up.

Today people know they can count on me and some of them even expect to be able to and I kinda dig that concept.

Not Something I always had.

Steel


I had not thought of that side either before you raised it, Steel.






cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 10:05:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If it were my kids who felt they couldn't ask me for anything, then I would be a bad parent. The same for my elderly father. But just other people? They can ask but they cannot expect me to agree.


What prompted the question was someone feeling a need to apologize, when I had no expectation of their actions, so felt it was unnecessary; but as I was about to respond, telling them it was alright because I try not to have expectations, I suddenly thought it might be a bit hurtful to do so.

Especially, if it were coming from someone I admired, like Sir, maybe.

Kim



Mercnbeth -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 10:06:04 AM)

quote:

would it offend you if no one expected anything from you

No - because I live my life not expecting anything from anyone else.

I'd much rather live expecting people to do nothing and be pleasantly surprised when they do; versus living a life expecting people to do what they claim they are going to do and be disappointed.

The only person I have expectations for production and beat up when failing to meet those expectations is ME.

I try my best to never let a person get in a position to "disappoint" me. There is only one person who regularly provides "pleasant surprises" - beth.



cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 10:19:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I try my best to never let a person get in a position to "disappoint" me. There is only one person who regularly provides "pleasant surprises" - beth.


I think I must be doing something wrong.. unbenificial to my goal. I've worked very hard toward not having expectations of others; something about my aproach has left me feeling somewhat empty. [>:]

Kim



Mercnbeth -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 10:51:50 AM)

quote:

I've worked very hard toward not having expectations of others; something about my aproach has left me feeling somewhat empty.

You have to be content, satisfied, and fulfilled by what you are and what you can accomplish without relying or having expectations of others. Happy from that contentment and self confidence you can enjoy and have fun with others without any expectation. There is no trick or any approach, all you need is to know yourself, have an honest opinion of yourself, like yourself, and depend on yourself.

Be fulfilled by your own accomplishments based upon your own abilities and resources. It doesn't prevent you from interacting with others. If anything the interaction is better since you know going in, you aren't relying on them for you to be happy. You are happy with yourself.



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 12:59:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I try my best to never let a person get in a position to "disappoint" me. There is only one person who regularly provides "pleasant surprises" - beth.


I think I must be doing something wrong.. unbenificial to my goal. I've worked very hard toward not having expectations of others; something about my aproach has left me feeling somewhat empty. [>:]

Kim


To piggybback a little bit on  the very good points Merc is making - you may be confusing "expectations" with "needs", or it could also be that your expectations of others are based on your needs from them. I find that the less I need from others, the less I expect from them, and I think that's Merc's central point as well. You might want to reflect on that; and when you feel yourself expecting something from someone, explore whether that expectation reflects something you feel you need from them, and whether that need is realistic or healthy.

It could also be a question of who you're associating with. If the people in your life aren't meeting your needs, you may often find yourself disappointed in your expectations. If you're around people who meet your needs relatively effortlessly and seamlessly, you may find you don't have as many conscious expectations of them. Just a couple of thoughts to consdier.



Joseff -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 6:58:23 PM)

I wish I didn't have people expecting things of me, just for a few days. It would be nice to take a break from responsibility for a little while, but soon enough I'd get bored and want to get back to the old grind.



stella41b -> RE: Expectations (7/30/2009 9:32:44 PM)

I gave up having expectations concerning other people a few years back and even having set expectations from life. I don't mind people having expectations of me as long as they're realistic ones. If they don't have any expectations, then that's fine with me too.



cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/31/2009 8:45:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It is entirely up to us to create what other people expect of us. So, within that perimeter, I don't mind others having expectations of me. I've created them.




Remembering this will be useful, especially with my current/continuing situation at work.  I’ll have to think on it some more; see what I might be able to create. What I have going on at the moment, isn’t working too well for me.
quote:


We are usually the ones, especially those of us that are women, that get called cold, unfeeling, bitches...........whatever comes to their mind at the moment.

A thought I had during a recent conversation, “There are times in one’s life, when they may find it is necessary to be a cunt, but I am doubtful it is ever wise to be a pussy.”
Kim



Ambyant -> RE: Expectations (7/31/2009 8:57:09 AM)

quote:

...would it offend you if no one expected anything from you?

Yess.
but only if those I own came to expect nothing from Me.  Others just don't matter. Other opinions are only as powerful as you let them be.
Always the best Diva~Zya



cpK69 -> RE: Expectations (7/31/2009 9:34:14 AM)

~fr~

Reading through the responses, I’ve realized that ‘expectations’ is a much broader subject than I had originally considered; expectations of others, self, titles, and what might be expected of us from others. Did I miss anything?
 
*sighs*
 
I’ll have to continue to give it more thought; it’s time for bed.
 
Something else I was wondering; how closely related to expectations is trust, hope, and assumption; would you say?
 
Thank you all, for the thought provoking responses; this one is gonna hurt for awhile. : )
 
just remembered.. to add to the list; personal, professional, favorable, and unfavorable.

Kim



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