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MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Self Inflicted Orgasm Denial? (7/31/2009 6:14:30 PM)
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A femslave once wrote the following, which may ring true for you too...
"When engaging in non-BDSM (A.K.A. vanilla) sex, I thought too much. I was constantly trying to gauge what the man wanted from me, and pleasure him. I was also seeking my own pleasure, but often couldn't truly experience it, because I was so preoccupied with performance. Often I only sought to cum as a means to satisfy the man, and not myself. I would pressure myself relentlessly to orgasm because I wanted my partner to feel like a stud. I faked orgasms sometimes. In many ways, sex became a chore during which I had to exercise extreme focus to get off so my partner would feel satisfied, while also anticipating and fulfilling his needs. The only time I truly felt free of pressure was when I masturbated, and during those times, I fantasized about being taken and dominated.
Why Do I Want to be Taken and Dominated? Because sexually, I need to give up all control. The way this plays out in real life is that I concede to my Master the right to use my body for his pleasure, whenever he wants, however he wants. I obey all of his sexual commands, whether it is to suck his cock at 2 AM, to bend over the kitchen counter in the middle of cooking dinner so he can fuck me, or to spread my legs wide over the legs of a chair so he can lick my pussy. He has complete access to all areas of my body at all times and controls and directs all of our sexual encounters.
The benefits to him are obvious: he can take his pleasure at any time, and know that I am not only willing, but deeply satisfied by doing things this way. The benefits to me are I no longer have to guess at what he wants. He tells me what he wants, or takes what he wants. It is no longer my responsibility to figure it out, and my mind is clear and free.
I no longer have to pressure myself to respond sexually. My sexual response is not at issue -- only his is. If I happen to cum, so be it. If I don't, so what. If he wants to give or withhold orgasms to and from me, that's his decision, not mine. My only responsibility is to be mentally present, feel, and do as he tells me. That's all. And therein lies the magic -- I am able to enjoy sex and sexually related activities as I never could before."
I should also add, with regard to the above post, the "women's liberation movement" was about CHOICE.... choosing to submit/surrender to another is as valid a "choice" as choosing a different path.
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