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Do you search? - 7/31/2009 2:55:49 PM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline 		How many submissive women actually use the search function to try and find a person they are compatible with? How frequently do you use it if you do? The reason I ask is because most of the profiles I read say that they are searching, but I get the impression from the journals that most don't actually write to anyone that hasn't written them first.

I realize that women want to be pursued, but really, is getting tons of email from incompatible men that fulfilling? Don't you think that contacting some one who has a profile that seems compatible will yield better results?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 3:04:06 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Would you rather be a submissive woman that gets a flood of mail from imcompatible men or a submissive male that gets nearly nil. A faint trickle. Most of my emails go unanswered. It is a shame (for them)

:D

It is nice being pursued.

I guess it depends on your preference.

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 4:33:53 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		In my experience, women don't go by profiles that much.  They go by forum posts here, and in alt by chat rooms.  If they liked my posts or chat, then they checked out my profile.

I've had a few collarme women contact me based on my posts, most of them in relationships but wanting to banter.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 6:32:10 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't search.  I am not particularly interested in finding a mate, but if one were to fall in my lap.. or I over his, I would be ok with that.
If I was actively searching I would not do it here I would stick to local contacts.  I don't see the need for making things more complex than they have to be.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 6:46:14 PM   
LittleMeganV


Posts: 438
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ma'am found me here on the forums, and it was my posting that attracted her to me. Sharing your opinions with others, being well spoken, and not asking the average trolls wanking questions, are all helpful. At the very least if you don't find someone at least you will learn more about yourself and have a better idea of just what it is you are after and what you are willing to compromise on. You should at least end up with some nice friends =)

I'll note that I first participated in this site in 2005, and went strait to the forums because i never was much of a profile hunter. I learned a lot about the community and safe and sane as well as myself. My own responses are what got me e-mails and messages, Ma'am and I got married later and then I made this new profile. Great things can happen, but you have to give them time and let people see you for who you are, the forums are really the only place to do that.

< Message edited by LittleMeganV -- 7/31/2009 6:49:02 PM >

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RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 7:08:47 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Would you rather be a submissive woman that gets a flood of mail from imcompatible men or a submissive male that gets nearly nil. A faint trickle. Most of my emails go unanswered. It is a shame (for them)

:D

It is nice being pursued.

I guess it depends on your preference.



mine do as well


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your living nightmare

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 7:25:22 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		I do use the search function, actually, quite often.  But since I am only looking for platonic friendships, and only platonic friendships, I don't really see many profiles that matches my search.  Most would befriend me in hopes of becoming something more when I specifically say I am NOT looking for anything more, haha.  I digress.  

_____________________________

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"9 out of 10 guys like girls with big boobs; the 10th guy likes the 9 other men." --Just Shoot Me

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(in reply to fadedshadow)
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RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 7:44:26 PM   
Loki45


Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jeninvegas

I do use the search function, actually, quite often.  But since I am only looking for platonic friendships, and only platonic friendships, I don't really see many profiles that matches my search.  Most would befriend me in hopes of becoming something more when I specifically say I am NOT looking for anything more, haha.  I digress.  


I've had that problem. I'm *sooooo* not "seeking." And have had girls show 'interest.' They get close and I have had to point-blank tell them "If you want to be my friend......be my friend. If you want that to lead to more....then you're wasting your time."


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(in reply to jeninvegas)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 8:14:51 PM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks or the responses so far... It seems only people who aren't searching for a relationship are the ones actually looking at other people profile. I think also that I've found a flaw in my question as well. By asking here (in the forums) I've implicitly asked people who have self selected a more active participation than those that don't post in the forums. Back to searching.


(in reply to Loki45)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 8:22:45 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I look at profiles of those who post, or those who look at me (sometimes). I don't search. I get too many messages as it is.

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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 8:23:58 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		To get more women to view your profile:

1. Post a pic.
2. Post regularly on these forums.
3. Write concise, personalized emails to women whose journal entries interest you intellectually.

I am not kidding about #3.  Your username shouts "philosophy major" at me, so you might as well use that to your advantage.  When I have referred to recent journal entries in a first email, I've gotten a response maybe 99% of the time.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 8:39:53 PM   
KneelforAnne


Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

How many submissive women actually use the search function to try and find a person they are compatible with? How frequently do you use it if you do? The reason I ask is because most of the profiles I read say that they are searching, but I get the impression from the journals that most don't actually write to anyone that hasn't written them first.

I realize that women want to be pursued, but really, is getting tons of email from incompatible men that fulfilling? Don't you think that contacting some one who has a profile that seems compatible will yield better results?


Hello interlocutor,

I am a submissive female, and yes I did at one time use the search function to locate people in my area with whom I thought I would be compatible.

I would do a search once every week or two in order to see if a new person had joined. 

While I do admit that I do not like being the one to initiate contact, I have started conversations with men in my area.  Most of the time I would check out their profile, wait a few days, and if they hadn't contacted me yet then I would go ahead and send a "hello".

What I have found is that (in my experience!) people on the personals side don't seem to take things as seriously as the people that post on the boards. I've found that most men that I contacted on the personals side (that I didn't speak to on the boards first!) used the site to get laid, not to find someone compatible. 

The more you throw your bait out, the more likely you are to get a bite...but I've found that most men from the personals side don't want the responsibility of a long term submissive or don't even want to really meet...in the past I've spent quite a bit of time with "Doms" that email and chat forever but never wanted to set a real time meeting.   

Again, just my experiences! 

Good luck!

_____________________________

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BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
Member of MoGa's IN crowd

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 9:00:04 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

How many submissive women actually use the search function to try and find a person they are compatible with? How frequently do you use it if you do? The reason I ask is because most of the profiles I read say that they are searching, but I get the impression from the journals that most don't actually write to anyone that hasn't written them first.

I realize that women want to be pursued, but really, is getting tons of email from incompatible men that fulfilling? Don't you think that contacting some one who has a profile that seems compatible will yield better results?


That's a very good question. It's kind of funny because a batch of my friends and I were discussing this last night.

On pretty much any dating site out there, women receive a tidal wave of e-mail from men (most of which they don't want) and men receive very little e-mail and the majority of their messages are never replied to. It's just something you have to get used to.

I would hypothesize (and don't take my head off for this) that this is just a virtual extension of learned gender roles in dating. Most women are uncomfortable pursuing. Most men have learned that to get anywhere they need to be highly aggressive. Even people I know who strongly dislike and deliberately fight against pre-established gender roles often have problems in this area - both in real life and in online dating.

The best thing I can suggest is to continue to make your presence known. Post in the forums. Update your journal. Log on fairly frequently so your profile shows up in the "last on" sort in searches. E-mail the people you like, referring to things in their journal or their profile or thigs they have posted on the forums.

I've been on this site for about one week. I'd have to say that the response I've gotten had been very positive. I've sent out six e-mails and received 2 responses - which is a 33% response rate, impressive for a dating web site. (I'd also say that letting me know that someone has read my e-mail is a huge plus - then I know which are not interested and which just haven't looked yet). I've received a couple of e-mails from interested subs and 2 admirerers. My profile has been browsed about ten times, which is a nice way of letting me know that someone was interested enough to look at it in detail.

If you put the time in to make yourself visible and known, I think you'll start to see a much better response rate. If you hope that just by putting up a profile and waiting things will start popping, I think the odds are much lower.

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 9:21:20 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I rarely use the search function. 
While I desire a partner, 'searching' isn't a term I'd use to describe what I'm upto. 
I disagree that women don't use what people say in their profiles as a rationale for contacting a male.  The person I was in a relationship with for most of the year after I was separated had a great profile (That's since been decimated 'cause he's not actually allowed to have what was agreed upon) that begain with something like, "I seek a muse" or "I'm looking for a muse". 
I do read profiles.  Even of people who are friends on here that I've known for quite some time, I check their profiles occasionally if I notice an alteration or if they aren't around as much, etc.  Kinda checkin' on people. 
I also will look at profiles based on board posts or if someone's looked at me or if they scroll by on the homepage and something interests me. 
Searching, eh, no, not my gig. 
  Davan

_____________________________

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to InvisibleBlack)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 10:57:34 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		From time to time I do search. Sometimes I will contact someone if I liked something in their profile. I generally look at the boards and forums and if something in their journal or posts caught my attention then I am more likely to send a message. I sometimes think that s-types and woman still feel like the man should make the first contact and have read that some M/D types don't like the s-type to make the first contact. At times, one is between a rock and hard place when it comes to responding or
not responding to a profile they might see and like.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do you search? - 7/31/2009 11:13:44 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I've never used the search function in an attempt to locate a potential partner who I may be compatible with;however I have used it for toher reasons.  I've never been actively searching for a partner...So I could deal without it.
However if I come across someone's profile by curiosity (either a post the wrote, or they had an interesting picture) that interested me...I send them an email.
Always stating that its just a comment/compliment and not necessarily to be seen as a potential relationship interest.

while some women may enjoy the thrill of being pursued or finding a partner...not all are on the same boat.

_____________________________

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do you search? - 8/1/2009 12:04:43 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes if I am on the other side replying to messages I may be intrigued by something I see written in a journal or by a photo and I will send a short message, usually giving a compliment or letting them know that I liked something in particular that they had written.  I generally throw in a question as well about the photo or profile. I always get a reply in return and am going out on a second date tonight with someone whom I sent such a message to a few weeks ago.  

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do you search? - 8/1/2009 8:12:16 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Search, no.  Browse, yes. Sometimes in order to get a slightly better understanding of the person behind a post in these forums, sometimes for amusement, sometimes for enlightenment.

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do you search? - 8/1/2009 8:17:31 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Recently, Master mentioned that he doesnt believe in "searching"...that relationships happen regardless of how much effort a person puts into finding said person. This struck me as true as i have met more of my partners whilst wearing sweatpants and wandering about aimlessly in the grocery store; taking the dog to the park; trying to shop for back to school items or doing laundry at the 'Mat....i was in no way actively searching that day, or even thinking about searching....and ended up with that person despite my attire or intent.

In our case, in order to add to our house, one of us is going to have to create a friendship with someone that blossoms into something deeper...or at least hotter...and transcends that intial relationship and morphs into something else....searching for that is futile.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to petmonkey)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do you search? - 8/1/2009 8:19:05 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		When I was searching I did look at profiles. But as I was new, it was more to give me a sense of what kind of people were out there. And of the 30some guys in my immediate area, I was not interested in any of them. What I saw was them focusing entirely on what they wanted sex/pain wise. And as I don't do casual, why should I have contacted any of them?

Beyond that, I wasn't at a point where I felt comfortable being rejected. I needed to know he really wanted me which meant he would risk rejection.

And I was then getting ten emails a day which meant I had enough to do with just looking at the guys who were interested in me without starting writing to guys who weren't.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 20
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