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Jealousy - 2/20/2006 6:48:06 PM

angelic

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Joined: 1/24/2005
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i was reading on another thread the topic of jealousy... and was truly saddened to see all the posts that said 'dismiss him/her'... is this typical? if a submissive/slave is jealous they should be tossed aside?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

Post #: 1

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 6:52:39 PM

SirKenin

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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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If there is no love involved, sure. Who needs jealousy? Jealousy destroys relationships.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 2

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 6:56:05 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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If its that insidious kinda jealousy that chokes the core of the relationship with its web of filthy tentacles of doubt and mistrust that have no basis in reality...most likely ..yes.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 3

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 6:57:43 PM

angelic

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what about the basis for it? does that not come into play?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 4

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 6:58:59 PM

mistoferin

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I am sure that there are some who could be understanding and want to work past it. I am sure that there are some who would see it as a challenge that they would like to see if they can help their sub overcome. I am sure that there will be those who see it as a punishable offense that can be "trained" away. I am sure that there will be those who feel it is a deal breaker. There will be as many individual answers to this are there are people.

For myself personally, I feel that jealousy is an utterly wasteful emotion that is born of insecurity and I could not nor would not be in a relationship with anyone who exhibited this behavior.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 5

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:00:04 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

what about the basis for it? does that not come into play?

There is only one basis for it...insecurity...jealousy can not exist without it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 6

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:03:07 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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I would engage in communication before such a drastic measures were taken.

Jealousy can be fleeting and go away or it can come upon you without warning. There's just no figuring on irrational emotions. I wonder if all those posts would have had the same response if the question had been.. what if a dominant is jealous? There are a lot of slaves who believe that they don't have the choice to walk away and only their owner can release them, so it makes me wonder what they would all do if their Master/Mistress were jealous.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 7

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:07:39 PM

angelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

what about the basis for it? does that not come into play?

There is only one basis for it...insecurity...jealousy can not exist without it.

exactly so where does the insecurity come from? the Mistress/Master/Domme/Dom?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 8

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:10:24 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I am sure that there are some who could be understanding and want to work past it. I am sure that there are some who would see it as a challenge that they would like to see if they can help their sub overcome. I am sure that there will be those who see it as a punishable offense that can be "trained" away. I am sure that there will be those who feel it is a deal breaker. There will be as many individual answers to this are there are people.

For myself personally, I feel that jealousy is an utterly wasteful emotion that is born of insecurity and I could not nor would not be in a relationship with anyone who exhibited this behavior.

Hard to believe i'm going to post again.. but figured what the hell again...

I agree Mist.. there's going to be alot of individual responses to this... and should be interresting....

Jealousy... TO ME... and to me only.. is a waste of time and energy. I'm not all that sure insecurity in the only problem though Mist. Though I feel secure in my relationship with Master...

In the past.. i've dated a few that thought it would be fun to see if they could make me jealous. And have actually gotten pist.. and thought I cared not 1 damn bit..about our relationship..because I refused to show anger... jealousy...

So insecurity ..... not trusting the one you're with.... isn't always the case.. specially when the other sets out to try to make you that way... and that's just another waste of time and energy in my book a well.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:11:00 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Seriously though, jealousy is an interesting topic for me, Im a scorpio and its supposed to be one of my negative traits that i carry as baggage. I often joke around saying how jealous I am. Its not really jealousy though, I just like to know whats mine, its kinda a possessiveness thing, so stay the hell away from Master or I will kill you after I've slashed you into gazillions of pieces *grin*..oh wait I was being serious hey....

trying again...seriously though....i dunno...jealousy is such a destructive thing, if it couldnt be shot in the head quite quickly, it would do amazing damage to a relationship no matter the reasons for it.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:14:27 PM

angelic

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Joined: 1/24/2005
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first off i would like to state i DO think it is a waste of energy... i also believe it comes from insecurity... if am with One that is AWARE of my proclivity to be that way... does He get to activity try to enforce that emotion from me? and then toss me aside when He got the exact reaction He was looking for?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 11

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:16:20 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

first off i would like to state i DO think it is a waste of energy... i also believe it comes from insecurity... if am with One that is AWARE of my proclivity to be that way... does He get to activity try to enforce that emotion from me? and then toss me aside when He got the exact reaction He was looking for?

He might have that right... as some would say... but he'll damn straight know.. when I get tossed... I leave marks behind... specially when he's the one that drew them out on purpose.. LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 12

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:18:22 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

if am with One that is AWARE of my proclivity to be that way... does He get to activity try to enforce that emotion from me? and then toss me aside when He got the exact reaction He was looking for?

i dont think its a wise or safe thing for a Dom to be playing weaknesses of a slave/subbie like jealousy, it can be a real psychosis.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 13

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:18:33 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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;) true... i like the way you think

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 14

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:19:54 PM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

So insecurity ..... not trusting the one you're with.... isn't always the case..

Yes but see true...it's not about not trusting the one you're with...it's about being secure and comfortable within yourself. It's about honestly understanding your worth and value. Insecurity comes from within...not from without. If someone has the ability to make you (generic you) feel jealous...the character flaw is on your(generic your) end...not a result of any actions they have taken.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 15

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:33:01 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

So insecurity ..... not trusting the one you're with.... isn't always the case..

Yes but see true...it's not about not trusting the one you're with...it's about being secure and comfortable within yourself. It's about honestly understanding your worth and value. Insecurity comes from within...not from without. If someone has the ability to make you (generic you) feel jealous...the character flaw is on your(generic your) end...not a result of any actions they have taken.

I'm totally secure within myself. That's why I said I've had others in the past actually get pist because I refused to get jealous.. pist off.. when they flirted with others. And I sure as in hell wouldn't get mad at the gal he is flirting with.. it takes two to tangle... she may not even know I exist. And if she starts the flirting... and he doesn't inform her of me... then he's the ass... not me.. and to each their own.. screw them.. not worth my time.. and or effort.

Life is too short.... and to many others out there.. that would love to have me.. and not play games with me..

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/20/2006 7:34:31 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 16

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:38:17 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

mistoferin is right. If you have the ability to become jealous, the flaw is within you. You are insecure with yourself.

quote:

For a person to learn to control jealousy, it is first important to understand what underlies the irrational thinking. Frequently, an individual who is prone to jealousy may have problems with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or fear of abandonment.

A person with low self-esteem may feel so undeserving of being loved, that he can't believe that his spouse could possibly remain faithful to him. Perhaps these feelings stem from some abusive past relationship in which he was unloved and made to believe that he was at fault. For instance, if a teenager is told, "If only you were more like your brother, then maybe you could get a girlfriend" he comes to believe that there is something wrong with him. Many times we are given messages, some subtle and some not-so-subtle, as we are growing up that shape our beliefs about ourselves.

For more information:

http://www.behavioralconsultants.com/Newsletters/jealousy.htm

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 17

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:41:56 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

first off i would like to state i DO think it is a waste of energy... i also believe it comes from insecurity... if am with One that is AWARE of my proclivity to be that way... does He get to activity try to enforce that emotion from me? and then toss me aside when He got the exact reaction He was looking for?

My question is why would you want to be with someone who is manipulative in this manner?

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 18

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:42:29 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Life is too short.... and to many others out there.. that would love to have me.. and not play games with me..

Amen sister. I did get your feelings on your post.

I guess what I was trying to say is for those who DO experience jealousy because they are with someone who is pushing the limits of their trust, I would suggest to them that their problem is one that is much larger than jealousy.

If someone is breaking your trust in a way that makes you question yourself or your position....that questioning soon becomes insecurity...which then equals jealousy. If you are secure in yourself and in your position...jealousy is not the result. If they continue to push those trust limits in that manner, more likely the result will be exactly as you stated...life is too short....see ya!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 19

RE: Jealousy - 2/20/2006 7:43:35 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

mistoferin is right. If you have the ability to become jealous, the flaw is within you. You are insecure with yourself.

quote:

For a person to learn to control jealousy, it is first important to understand what underlies the irrational thinking. Frequently, an individual who is prone to jealousy may have problems with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or fear of abandonment.

A person with low self-esteem may feel so undeserving of being loved, that he can't believe that his spouse could possibly remain faithful to him. Perhaps these feelings stem from some abusive past relationship in which he was unloved and made to believe that he was at fault. For instance, if a teenager is told, "If only you were more like your brother, then maybe you could get a girlfriend" he comes to believe that there is something wrong with him. Many times we are given messages, some subtle and some not-so-subtle, as we are growing up that shape our beliefs about ourselves.

For more information:

http://www.behavioralconsultants.com/Newsletters/jealousy.htm

so being tossed aside without consideration does what? imo only reinforces that feeling..

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 20

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