Rules, Rituals and Protocols

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TheLadyIsADomme -> Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 7:55:54 AM)
Hello All: I've been thinking a bit about rules, rituals and protocols. Certain requirements of behavior at certain times and within certain agreed upon guidelines. Do you find that they make your submission more complete, more fulfilling to you? Does having that kind of structure help you be a "better" submissive or are such rules/protocols only effective as a means to let you know what the D wants from you? Also, how do you mentally make the switch from alpha to beta (if you do)? Is there a mindset you develop or an emotional/mental place you go to? Does it require a word/look/gesture/command from your D? I appreciate all responses, understanding my question may not be applicable to all. Thanks!

xiam -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 8:16:45 AM)
High protocol and long lists of rules are a bit of a turn off for me, but i do very much like knowing what is expected of me as i have never been particularly good at guessing. I am also aware that expectations and desire change over time; behaviours that were once neutral or even endearing can become grating, one day he might think wouldn't it be nice if.... and i quite like fulfilling those nice if's. :)

DesFIP -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 8:21:27 AM)
We have five teens between us. Flexibility is essential. I can't imagine any rule, ritual or protocol which could be done regularly.

mc1234 -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 8:48:25 AM)
I really don't enjoy protocol and lots of rules. In general it makes me more nervous and I feel like I'm serving from a place of more role play than it coming from me.

subfever -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 8:50:46 AM)
I appreciate the structure of rules, as they do enhance my overall submissive experience. How do we make the switch? The moment I step over her threshold and enter her home, we each immediately drop our typical vanilla mindsets and demeanors. I proceed to worship and serve her, her body, and the very ground she walks upon. She proceeds to orchestrate maximum convenience, pleasure, and balance from my worship and service.

SteelofUtah -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 9:19:39 AM)
Depends on the slave. Usually this is a Cop Out Answer that people use to keep from having to answer the question. This time (At least) it is about literally having two different slaves that have a different list of needs and require different handling. Andi is all about the Relatioship Flow, she knows when things are good and when they are in need of discussion and when she needs to tell me she needs more order than she currently has. Caryn however needs regular rituals things she does every time that help to put her mind into the mode of "I am his, and have given myself to him and this is a constant sign of my commitment to him" So caryn has different restrictions than andi but the end result are two very pleasing girls...... things still being new who knows how these rituals and concepts will evolve over time. Steel

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 11:04:31 AM)
And just how is it "depends on the slave" a cop out to keep from answering the question. Nobody here is qualified to speak on how other master's do it with their slave * unless you know them very well and know the others thoughts on this subject* and it does truly depend on the slave and the dom individually in each scenario. I can't tell you and have any credibility what it's like in any one elses relationship but mine. quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Depends on the slave. Usually this is a Cop Out Answer that people use to keep from having to answer the question. This time (At least) it is about literally having two different slaves that have a different list of needs and require different handling. Andi is all about the Relatioship Flow, she knows when things are good and when they are in need of discussion and when she needs to tell me she needs more order than she currently has. Caryn however needs regular rituals things she does every time that help to put her mind into the mode of "I am his, and have given myself to him and this is a constant sign of my commitment to him" So caryn has different restrictions than andi but the end result are two very pleasing girls...... things still being new who knows how these rituals and concepts will evolve over time. Steel

xiam -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 12:30:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom ....I can't tell you and have any credibility what it's like in any one elses relationship but mine Isn't that sort of the point of forums and asking questions in general? Don't know what works for you, but this is the way i do it.....?

Mercnbeth -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 1:34:11 PM)
quote: Do you find that they make your submission more complete, more fulfilling to you? Does having that kind of structure help you be a "better" submissive or are such rules/protocols only effective as a means to let you know what the D wants from you? yes. HIS rules, HIS protocols, HIS desires, HIS expectations and HIS rituals are paramount...otherwise, she would be the one calling the shots (or negotiating terms), and to this slave...that isn't submission. quote: Also, how do you mentally make the switch from alpha to beta (if you do)? this slave isn't a switch or an alpha or a beta...just Master's slave.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 1:34:41 PM)
Yes, but my question was, then why say, saying " it depends on the slave" is a cop out, since I can only speak for my relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: xiam quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom ....I can't tell you and have any credibility what it's like in any one elses relationship but mine Isn't that sort of the point of forums and asking questions in general? Don't know what works for you, but this is the way i do it.....?

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 1:42:28 PM)
My very first dominant had protocols in place for me when we met and t hey just made me feel stupid and embarrassed when I had to do them. Often times when he would call I would be so excited to hear from him, since at that time phone calls were the only contact we got I'd be bursting at the seems and forget our protocol. So no it didn't help my submission to him or make it feel more complete or what ever, it just embarrased me and made me self contious and to feel stupid. which then made me reluctant to do what he wanted.. Another Dom that was a dom I was casually playing with and had grown to like him enough to be my dom, had the rule that my room had to be clean or he wouldn't come over, and I liked him enough that you better believe I cleaned up my room, because I wanted him to come over more than I didn't care to clean my room. quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Hello All: I've been thinking a bit about rules, rituals and protocols. Certain requirements of behavior at certain times and within certain agreed upon guidelines. Do you find that they make your submission more complete, more fulfilling to you? Does having that kind of structure help you be a "better" submissive or are such rules/protocols only effective as a means to let you know what the D wants from you? Also, how do you mentally make the switch from alpha to beta (if you do)? Is there a mindset you develop or an emotional/mental place you go to? Does it require a word/look/gesture/command from your D? I appreciate all responses, understanding my question may not be applicable to all. Thanks!

daintydimples -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 2:37:16 PM)
I think rules, rituals, and protocol all have there place. Submissives tend to like rules and structure, and rituals (having a cup of tea prepared exactly as he likes it upon his arrival or return) are not only bonding but set a tone of elegance and intimacy. Although I am not a high protocol person, there are situations which lend themselves to it (a public collaring ceremony for instance). As a dominant, I use protocol if a sub needs taking down a peg tor two. I find high protocol rules in chat room channels laughable.

leadership527 -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 3:49:16 PM)
Kind of generally in life, there are those who find comfort in ritual and those who just find it boring and dogmatic. You see this in business, religion, you name it. BDSM is no different. For Carol and I, ritual for it's own sake just feels like "playing master/slave". That doesn't stop me from fully understanding how comforting rituals can be for those of that mindset.

heartbound -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 10:27:30 PM)
I am naturally a very dominant person in everyday life. However, I am owned by my Mistress. For me, rules and protocol help remind me of where my mindset needs to be when I am with her. -heartbound

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/1/2009 11:24:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Does having that kind of structure help you be a "better" submissive or are such rules/protocols only effective as a means to let you know what the D wants from you?Thanks! Sir has very few rules/protocols, yet I've always done well at knowing what He wants of me. He said He doesn't make up rules just to have rules, but if He becomes aware of the need for one, He will institute it. Then the next time I do whatever it might be, I'd get punished. So far He hasn't made any additional rules yet and we're doing fantastically. [sm=hearts.gif]

shadowowl -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/2/2009 12:04:36 AM)
I like rules but not protocals. I'm a fluid thinker and prefer a relaxed enviroment or I start to wonder why I like it. I'm happy with rules so long as I can bend them a little, not break them but bend. But as mentioned above protocols are like dogma and just make things very boreing for me. I'm playful and flirty rules help me stay within bounds and make me feel owned. But as my Mistress told me the rules are more of a formality so long as she is happy everything is good and if she is not happy then rules get enforced. which works for me :)

KCalli -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/4/2009 3:44:36 PM)
Always it depends upon what is unique to you and your Dom. I do know that honor and respect is paramount. I also believe that ritual is important. I do believe that we as subs are given freedom. Truly- think about it. My Dom must at all times be aware of my needs, my abilities, and my understanding. Between the Dom and his sub (or her) communication is paramount, both ways. This only comes from submission and trust. In return, I give him honor and respect and address him as he deserves to be. I feel freedom, not restriction. Before I was scattered trying to "serve" everyone (just couldn't say no and then you end up on 50 school or athletic committies, and stuff like that) Now, I have my Dom and the focus is on him. He is the one with the burden, and I am the one only serving his needs and desires. Lazar Focus.

KCalli -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/4/2009 3:50:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples I think rules, rituals, and protocol all have there place. Submissives tend to like rules and structure, and rituals (having a cup of tea prepared exactly as he likes it upon his arrival or return) are not only bonding but set a tone of elegance and intimacy. Although I am not a high protocol person, there are situations which lend themselves to it (a public collaring ceremony for instance). As a dominant, I use protocol if a sub needs taking down a peg tor two. I find high protocol rules in chat room channels laughable. Ma'am, I would agree. To me, to put it very simply, it can become a beautiful ballet. That doesn't mean hopelessly mired in ritual. Elegance is something lost on some people. In return for total submission, freely given, I am also honored and feel protected and cherished.

ignoreme -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/4/2009 4:16:23 PM)
quote: 've been thinking a bit about rules, rituals and protocols. Certain requirements of behavior at certain times and within certain agreed upon guidelines. Do you find that they make your submission more complete, more fulfilling to you? I like protocol and rules, if I were to be owned I'd prefer a strict structure. Xiam's reply kind of sums it up, it takes lot of guesswork out of what the domme wants, and how exactly she wants it. That also meand that she doesn't have to command me around for every single thing, so she can just relax.

littleone35 -> RE: Rules, Rituals and Protocols (8/5/2009 8:41:10 AM)
Master is a big rules type of Dom. I do have a few though. Since Master has not given me any new rules since we have been together. The ones he did give me since i became his has never changed. After over 3 years i better know, and follow them. It is not a hardship it has become second nature to follow those rules. Matt's littleone

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