a non sexual partner (Full Version)

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CleanTie -> a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 9:31:04 PM)

 I am trying to see how others feel on this subject. I have been into bdsm for a long time now but have rarely got the chance to act out on these feelings. I am currently in a long term relationship and i love my current partner and we both share in light bondage fun from time to time but its not nearly hard enough to satisfy my needs. I have been looking into the idea of finding local play partners with no sex involved. its the act of being bound that i love not the sex. and also to tie someone up and watch them enjoy wigling around trying to free themselves. Would finding a person to enjoy bondage sceanes with me cheating on my current lover? or would it be more of just a good friendship with someone? where is the line? thx in advance and i swear i am not a pig



hlen5 -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 9:41:42 PM)

Put on your flame-retardant suit CleanTie. Welcome to the boards. Most of the people here will tell you to DISCUSS this with your partner FIRST. Don't betray your partner's trust and if s/he is OK with it, good luck on finding a "harder" playmate!!



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 9:50:38 PM)

Agreed.

Cheating is a very subjective term. It could be sexual or not, depending on who you ask. What do YOU believe? What would your partner believe?

Most people are against cheating (if that's what you think you would be doing), so find out your partners feelings on the subject. Have you told him/her that the light bondage isn't enough for you? Maybe he/she would also like to take it further!!

I wouldn't have a play partner who was in a relationship, but that's just me. Many can and do. If you are going to look for someone to play with, please be honest with your prospective playmate, as well as your partner.

Good luck!



SirLost -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 10:18:14 PM)

Adding these, I am sure there will be people who would accept this BDSM relationship without a sexual content, but it's going to be much harder than finding any.



DesFIP -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 10:27:00 PM)

The only person who can decide if this is cheating is your partner. If however you want play only, perhaps your partner would be more amenable if it were with someone you would not be attracted to. If you're heterosexual, then pick someone of your same sex. But talk to your partner first if you want this to come out well.



Danemora -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 10:48:58 PM)

Would finding a person to enjoy bondage sceanes with me cheating on my current lover?

That would depend on how your current lover defines cheating.  Your best bet is to take the advice of the people who have previously posted...be honest with your current lover and see how things go. 



DarkSteven -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 10:49:22 PM)

If all you want to do is tie someone up, you don't really need a partner.

Go to local play parties with your partner.  See if people there occasionally tickle your fancy.  If so, play with them with your partner watching and - who knows? - maybe even joining in.

IMO, your partner would feel less threatened if you didn't have a regular bondage buddy but played with different ones.  And if he/she were there, it would have a good energy.

And if things didn't work, the fallout would be less.



AlexandraLynch -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/2/2009 11:06:20 PM)

You do need to discuss this with your current partner. Not only the prospect of playing with someone else, but just the fact that the light bondage play, while fun, isn't doing everything you need.

One possible way to manage this is to get into your local BDSM play party scene. It may turn out to be very fun for you to bind someone or be bound by someone and know that your partner is watching. It also allows you to discuss and relive the scene a bit between you later in intimate moments, which makes things hotter.

And who knows, your partner may pick up tips and tricks and be able to go further just by getting experience and a little confidence in what ze is doing.

But you have got to be honest in this....honest with yourself about your needs, honest with your partner, and honest with your play partners, and you have to stay in very good communication with all involved about limits, comfort zones, etc. I really recommend the book "The Ethical Slut", because it talks about how to negotiate this kind of thing with minimal angst and drama.



Jeptha -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 10:23:49 AM)

I agree with AlexandraLynch.

I'd add one other factor to consider: how much time is this going to take away from your relationship?

That could be a consideration.

I once had a partner who wanted to explore bondage and beatings much more than I did, and we "farmed out" some of that stuff. In our city there are plenty of people who want to play that way without getting sexual.

I trusted this partner implicitly to tell me exactly what she wanted, what went on, etc., so it was no problem for me.

A word about trust,tho: I didn't trust this partner because "our relationship is all about trust" or any of the usual bullshit that people use to try and guilt-trip each other with, I trusted her because her personality was just of the "open book" type in general.

Any other partner and I would have probably wanted to be there to observe, get to know the people involved, etc.



Mercnbeth -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 10:32:22 AM)

quote:

...I am trying to see how others feel on this subject...


this slave feels that finding a partner to get your "needs" met without the knowledge and consent of your current partner (unless she agreed that your relationship would continue hunky-dory if you didn't ask her permission or at least let her know what you are up to)...sounds like you are cheating your partner and yourself---sex or no sex.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 10:36:04 AM)

If you believe that it is just friendship and not cheating then you would have no problem divulging it all to you partner who you love. If you want to hide it (the biggest pain caused by cheating) then it is, simple really



LadyPact -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 10:36:31 AM)

Does your partner see it as cheating?

That's your answer.



AvidRunner -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 10:46:28 AM)

If your girlfriend engaged in prolonged tonsil hockey with another guy and let him feel her up...would it be cheating?  After all, they weren't having sex....



DavanKael -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 11:02:36 AM)

Only you and your partner can answer those questions (And should be honest about with any potential play partner). 
Best wishes, 
  Davan



MasterFireMaam -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/3/2009 3:30:28 PM)

Many people will define "cheating" upon whether or not your partner knows that you're looking outside your relationship for something. Others will define it based on whether or not you're having sex outside your relationships. Only you can decide how to define it...then you go on a quest looking for someone who agrees and is willing to do what you ask.

Master Fire



Acer49 -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/7/2009 7:50:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CleanTie

 I am trying to see how others feel on this subject. I have been into bdsm for a long time now but have rarely got the chance to act out on these feelings. I am currently in a long term relationship and i love my current partner and we both share in light bondage fun from time to time but its not nearly hard enough to satisfy my needs. I have been looking into the idea of finding local play partners with no sex involved. its the act of being bound that i love not the sex. and also to tie someone up and watch them enjoy wigling around trying to free themselves. Would finding a person to enjoy bondage sceanes with me cheating on my current lover? or would it be more of just a good friendship with someone? where is the line? thx in advance and i swear i am not a pig


If your actions are above board, why not tell your lover?



beargonewild -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/7/2009 1:42:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CleanTie

I am trying to see how others feel on this subject. I have been into bdsm for a long time now but have rarely got the chance to act out on these feelings. I am currently in a long term relationship and i love my current partner and we both share in light bondage fun from time to time but its not nearly hard enough to satisfy my needs. I have been looking into the idea of finding local play partners with no sex involved. its the act of being bound that i love not the sex. and also to tie someone up and watch them enjoy wigling around trying to free themselves. Would finding a person to enjoy bondage sceanes with me cheating on my current lover? or would it be more of just a good friendship with someone? where is the line? thx in advance and i swear i am not a pig


Basically how to define what is cheating and what isn't is something which you and your primary partner need to define what is and isn't cheating within your relationship. Each of us has our own parameters to what we believe is considered cheating and there have been many heated arguments on these boards to that effect! Might I suggest you openly discuss where to draw the line with your significant other and then work from that.



LaTigresse -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/7/2009 3:24:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49


quote:

ORIGINAL: CleanTie

I am trying to see how others feel on this subject. I have been into bdsm for a long time now but have rarely got the chance to act out on these feelings. I am currently in a long term relationship and i love my current partner and we both share in light bondage fun from time to time but its not nearly hard enough to satisfy my needs. I have been looking into the idea of finding local play partners with no sex involved. its the act of being bound that i love not the sex. and also to tie someone up and watch them enjoy wigling around trying to free themselves. Would finding a person to enjoy bondage sceanes with me cheating on my current lover? or would it be more of just a good friendship with someone? where is the line? thx in advance and i swear i am not a pig


If your actions are above board, why not tell your lover?


I second this. If you cannot tell the person..........it's probably not copacetic.



jeninvegas -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/7/2009 9:50:27 PM)

Definitely speak to your current partner about it first!  Otherwise, doing it behind their back can be considered cheating.  



BalletBob -> RE: a non sexual partner (8/10/2009 3:51:05 PM)

I have done this in the past with MADAM, and my dear wife knew about it. It wasn't cheating (to us), since no sex was involved. It was clean FUN with me being Tied, Gagged and what ever, but NO SEX ! I save that for my wife, and not for any Mistress or Female.

Missing the Gags, sub BalletBob



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