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Finding others in my arena. - 8/4/2009 4:58:22 PM   
MrManque


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		Just joined, completely new to this, embarrassed to admit I feel a bit clueless at times. I am trying to find the best way to network or get a conversation started with people who live in the same general vicinity (Seattle) as I do. Not entirely sure how to approach people, the ettiquette, the appropriate attitude etc.

All of this has come upon me rather suddenly in my mid-forties. A crisis? Or a revelation?

I have some dom fantasies (Mostly in the daddy/girl vein; and associated activities) but primarily looking to experience submission. Seeking FemDom or a lifestyle domme in my area. I can't call myself a sub or designate myself because 1) not everything I am into fits comfortably into one category or another and most importantly 2) in the absense of real experiences it all remains ethereal in a way, a purely mental phenomemon with the lingering possibility that reality won't match fantasy in terms of intensity or pleasure.

The bottom line is I am trying to find that first experience or set of experience to show me to what degree what is within corresponds to what is without. What, and how much, do I like or respond, to this or to that?

It isn't anybody's duty to provide answers to these questions for me but it would be wonderful if I could make contacts for some initial play and exploration.

Any advice on how to do this without stepping on any toes?

I appreciate any advice or information any of you might share with me. Thank you.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/4/2009 5:06:27 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*chuckles*

Welcome and join the club MrManque. You're not alone stumbling onto BDSM in mid-life. And no, I don't think it's a mid-life crisis... at least it wasnt' for me.

Insofar as making contacts, the standard advice from those more into the scene than me is to go to local munches. Then, of course, there are the various search functions on the "other side' of collarme. Finally, you can just talk here on these boards and, with any luck, you'll end up striking up a conversation with someone who finds one or more things that you've said interesting. One things leads to another...

Mostly, I think just plain judging from the tone of your first post that you don't need much advice. You seem to have a pretty good handle on things. Go forth and explore.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MrManque)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/4/2009 5:40:29 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		OMG...you live where there is an awesome organization.  They have all kinds of lectures and groups.  Over Labor Day they have an awesome campout.  On weekends it's dungeon time.  Try their link.  By the way, I've been there and they are really nice people.  You'll have to do orientation before you can join.

http://www.sexpositiveculture.org/

(in reply to MrManque)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/4/2009 7:54:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		A few different things going on here.  If you're looking to contact people in the area to find out about munches, events, etc., if you are polite, you are likely to get a response.

As for finding that 'first experience' there may be an obstacle.  The profile you have up now looks more like someone who's just out for the sexual aspects, which is going to leave many female Dominants not willing to interact with you.  Not everyone will want to put the time into someone who is just basically looking to be pegged.  So, to paraphrase your own writing, no, that's not going to be easy.  I won't speak for everyone, but unless it was just for information sharing on events, I'd see that profile and I'd probably be done at that point.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MrManque)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/4/2009 9:28:07 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome.  :> 
We're all people, I would recommend contacting someone whose profile interests you/approaching someone who you are interested in at a munch, event, whatever with respect and forthright communication. 
That does not mean saying, "Hi, I'm oisoijuoiah and my fantasy is eegoisjgliahhgeilaelk" (You get the idea).  Be real with people and I suspect they'll be real back. 
Politeness goes a long way. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/5/2009 7:57:37 AM   
MrManque


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I am just looking to get pegged but I do have a few things thatt I would like to experience that are part of the fantasies that got all this started in order to find out to what degree this is real and not just fantasy. I understand nobody wants to invest time in someone who willl grab one encounter and run but I am looking for a certain intense baseline of real physical experience to possiblyl form the basis for a clearer and more focused idea of where I'm at and so on.

In alll honesty it is possible that after this initial experience I may take off and run, who knows?

I may have to rewrite my profile to try to articulate what I am searching for.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/6/2009 11:28:40 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		What you need to find is someone like Me over there! Whilst I am searching for a 24/7 sub, I am an educator through and through and therefore I also enjoy meeting newbies, talking to them, getting them to acquire some basic theoretical knowledge first (safe calls, safe words, subspace, subdrop, aftercare, limits etc) and then, if things progress appropriately, meeting them for a first chat and secondly their first play session. In that I am more like a service Top than a Domme, in that I will mostly do the things they have shown interest in, while reserving the right to include things I want to do as long as those don't violate their stated limits. I like to leave them wanting more, and usually they come back for further sessions for a while at least. I will also help them find their way into the local scene and My joy is complete when they hook up with the Domme just right for them (assuming they weren't the boy just right for Me).

Now as LadyPact rightly said, not all Dommes want to engage in this process, so do expect some refusals and don't take it too personally. However if you are upfront in stating that you are so new you can't possibly label yourself or predict how you will go, and make only one promise and that is to keep communicating no matter what, you may be able to find an educator Domme and take those baby steps!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MrManque)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Finding others in my arena. - 8/7/2009 5:32:16 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrManque

Just joined, completely new to this, embarrassed to admit I feel a bit clueless at times. I am trying to find the best way to network or get a conversation started with people who live in the same general vicinity (Seattle) as I do. Not entirely sure how to approach people, the ettiquette, the appropriate attitude etc.

All of this has come upon me rather suddenly in my mid-forties. A crisis? Or a revelation?

I have some dom fantasies (Mostly in the daddy/girl vein; and associated activities) but primarily looking to experience submission. Seeking FemDom or a lifestyle domme in my area. I can't call myself a sub or designate myself because 1) not everything I am into fits comfortably into one category or another and most importantly 2) in the absense of real experiences it all remains ethereal in a way, a purely mental phenomemon with the lingering possibility that reality won't match fantasy in terms of intensity or pleasure.

The bottom line is I am trying to find that first experience or set of experience to show me to what degree what is within corresponds to what is without. What, and how much, do I like or respond, to this or to that?

It isn't anybody's duty to provide answers to these questions for me but it would be wonderful if I could make contacts for some initial play and exploration.

Any advice on how to do this without stepping on any toes?

I appreciate any advice or information any of you might share with me. Thank you.



There is no need to feel embarrassed, we all were new at one time and all of us have entered this lifestyle at various stages of our lifes

(in reply to MrManque)
Profile   Post #: 8
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