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RE: for the extreme, control freaks and sadists... - 8/6/2009 9:53:08 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx
I think that the terms "extreme" and "normal" were perfectly adequate to communicate the intent of the original post.

OK, then let me be specific about how it was not adequate for me anyway. When I read the OP, I immediately, of course, checked inside myself to see if I qualified. Obviously, if I'm not an "extreme control" dom, then I really don't have much to respond to the question with. But how do I answer that question? The truth is (and I suspect it's like this for pretty much every couple), some of the things I do routinely would absolutely freak out a lot of people here on CM. Then again, a lot of other things I do would barely even register as a D/s relationship. Big surprise there.... I'm extreme in the areas that matter to me and... uh... less so in the areas that do not.

I have to guess that the OP's dom is commanding her in ways which SHE sees as extreme. Someone else, of course, might see them as a total yawn. I suspect there is no real answer to her question because it presumes some sort of 1-10 scale for "how extreme a dom is". I'm guessing that you'd need a way more complicated evaluation system if you were to have any hope whatsoever of actually understanding doms and how/where/why they exercise control.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: for the extreme, control freaks and sadists... - 8/6/2009 10:06:56 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
as far as saying something stupid or foolish? - entering into a power exchange relationship is probably the one time where there is no such thing as a stupid or foolish question. You need to be clear as glass as to what you are agreeing to, and the way to that clarity is to ask about that which you are not sure.

Or, put in a humorous light... entering into a power exchange relationship is already stupid and foolish so hey, why worry now?

Really strong lines of communication are about the only hope for salvaging that. More seriously Jadiken, when Carol transitioned from my wife to my slave, she started to go down this whole path of "proper communication for a slave" and "stupid questions". I was so AFRAID of trying to exercise the control I do in the face of inadequate or no feedback that this became the 2nd (and only) other thing in our relationship other than direct disobedience that would result in the immediate removal of the collar. I said to her flat out, "If you cannot find a way to communicate clearly and openly and still be my slave, then the collar's coming off." Dont' get me wrong, I LOVE having a slave girl... but not at the cost of my entire marriage and that's how urgently critical I see it.

try putting the shoe on the other foot for a second. Imagine that you'd been given responsibilty for an entire human being and the authority to go along with that. Let's assume, for a moment, that you actually give a damn about this person. OK... now imagine that you're getting little or no feedback because the person in question is concerned about... well... anything really. For me, that seemed like a perfect recipe to drive the car off the road and over a cliff. In our marriage, there is NO acceptable reason for failure to communicate any issue which needs to be communicated. The day that I start worrying about her "questioning my authority", "asking stupid questions", "topping from the bottom", [insert other reason du-jour] is the day I cut up my Mastercard.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kiwisub12)

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RE: for the extreme, control freaks and sadists... - 8/6/2009 11:01:08 AM

Jadiken

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You all bring up valid points, and i had been thinking a little, while going about my night last night... and damn it, i dont know... i am naturally a nervous person, i am naturally a very curious person, i like to find out everything about everyone, more so the person i become involved with. i guess i was trying to get insight into other people, to maybe find one that i feel is similar to my Master, and therefore might find some more insight into Him.... Yes i am sure that some of the things he does that i see as extreme others would not, and i am also sure that some of the other things He does people would find extreme.... i dont know... the thread has now become this place where you can all try and figure out the varying degrees of appropriateness for a couple words and whether or not i used them in the right context....

Leader, i understand what you say about putting the shoe on the other foot, and there will be no reason that i dont communicate an issue the needs to be communicated, i wont keep something from my Master that i know could be detrimental to the relationship or either one of us personally... i am simply trying to get into peoples heads and figure out what makes them tick, that is the kind of person i am... i like to know what makes them do what they do, think what they think, why their favorite color is blue... you get my point...

Anyway, obviously my question wasnt worded right, therefore there is no answer for it... i can not think of a better way to answer unless i were to ask each and every one of you if i could get into your head and figure out how you work personally.... and then maybe do my own comparison after that... i will eventually ask my Master all that i have to ask Him and find out (hopefully) all that i desire to know about Him... untill then i will sit and ponder and do what i do....

i thank everyone for Their feedback, it has been helpful in many ways...

Jadiken

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RE: for the extreme, control freaks and sadists... - 8/6/2009 2:11:28 PM

OrionTheWolf

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Joined: 10/11/2006
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Or they do so to bring about a certain mental and emotional response in their property. Some of the techniques within Internal Enslavement, causes a conditioning of the property, and in turn can create a very secure environment. Most humans do well with daily routines, and structure.

I often view normality as status quo, and bending to peer pressure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

In my experience, the majority of control extremists (masters) suffer from narcissistic personality disorder.

Normality is established on a gaussian curve. There are people who fall within normal or standard deviation on such a curve. Therefore, there is such a thing as a "normal person." Likewise, there also exist people with disorders.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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RE: for the extreme, control freaks and sadists... - 8/7/2009 11:23:54 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jadiken

God I am so new to this I feel like I could ask a million little questions... I have recently entered a relationship with my Master, who is a control freak and a sadist and on the extreme side... I guess what I want to ask is what makes you Dom/mes so extreme and seperate you from the "normal" Dom/mes. Also do you have any extreme rules, or guidelines that you have your sub/slave follow? Guess I am trying to maybe figure out more about him and what might make him tick through other people... even though that wouldnt really work... but it might give me some insight...?

Thanks,
Jade

Rule # 1
There are no rules

It boils down to preferences, desires, needs and wants. There is no right or wrong and there is no rule book. If you truly want to know how he ticks you are going to have to ask him.
Extreme is a subjective word, what you may see as extreme, I may see as quite normal. I am getting the feeling that you may think he is just a bit more than you are comfortable with.

Whatever he is or isn’t, is not the question. What you should be asking yourself is “Am I ok with this” If the answer is no, then whether or not he may be extreme is not important

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