Have you always known?

Have you always known? (Full Version)

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dundreggen -> Have you always known? (8/5/2009 12:12:07 PM)
Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known. Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you. Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are.

SteelofUtah -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 12:15:47 PM)
I was 16 and my friends father explained to me what BDSM was and it made sense to me. Like I am sure you will hear a LOT in this thread once someone explained it we finally knew what we were actually had a name. I have always been what I am it was at 16 I learned what that was called. Steel ~~~~~~~Read My Journal From the end to the beginning and you will know all about how I came to be involved in this lifestyle.

Drakontos -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 2:51:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dundreggen Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known. Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you. Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are. This is Drakontos I have always just been me; I am the same way now that I can always remember being. Of course, 25 years ago they just called it egotistical, arrogant, conceited, controlling, sexist and chauvinistic. Now they call it something else. In 20 years, I am sure that another label will come along to replact the one we use now.

LaTigresse -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 2:56:41 PM)
There was no magical transformation. I am what I am. Simply ever growing and learning.

GotSteel -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 6:33:58 PM)
When I was 4 years old I saw Return of the Jedi and said wow I want one of those.

Lashra -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 6:54:58 PM)
I have always been a person who liked to be in charge, to make informed decisions and to be independent. I've been told that can be viewed as being a "bitch", I call it being my own woman. ~Lashra

leadership527 -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 7:21:26 PM)
I'd say I knew, in general, that I was a leader pretty much since maybe 10 or 12. But if I was born a dominant, I missed the memo. I was caught QUITE by surprise at the age of 44. Hell, I didn't even know that people did this crap or that you actually could without torpedoing your marriage instantly. I still walk around the house shaking my head some days.

Joseff -> RE: Have you always known? (8/5/2009 8:10:58 PM)
I haven't always known I was dominant, but I have known I'm dominant as long as I've known I was anything.

dundreggen -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 8:06:48 AM)
Thank you for your replies. The question stemmed from a conversation I was having. I guy was saying he was trying to learn to be a dominant so he could please a woman he loved who was subbie. It got me to thinking, I only have my exp to go by and I have always been subbie... not that I always knew what that was. (when I started kissing boys under the slide... it was only fun if they were pinning be down)

SteelofUtah -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 8:35:31 AM)
I haver mixed feelings about the idea of Becomeing a Dom to please a sub. I have seen it work, I have seen guys who were as vanilla as the day is long become great Dominants, and all it took was that little push of the partner they were with saying it was OKAY. But then I have also seen those relationships which show a sub having to control the actions of her Dom because he really is just trying to please her. Sure if it works for them great but in my experience it usually ends with said sub wondering when said "dom" is going to take over and not need to be "Forced" to be Dominant. I am a Live and Let Live type of this one. I try to stay out of it. Steel

leadership527 -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 9:11:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah I have seen it work, I have seen guys who were as vanilla as the day is long become great Dominants, and all it took was that little push of the partner they were with saying it was OKAY. nods This would be Carol & I (or, at least, she thinks I'm a great dominant anyway, YMMV). But yeah, I could easily see how it'd go the other way too. I was already quite comfortable with the things she needed and so I just needed the "OK" from her. Someone who didn't have the baseline would need to acquire it somehow which may or may not work.

SteelofUtah -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 9:49:32 AM)
Now don't get all Sappy on me when I say this Jeff, You were who I was talking about. I see you as more of an exception and not the rule. I think you are a fine Dominant and I think you play your abilities and experience far to small. Steel

leadership527 -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 11:11:19 AM)
Quick... we're going to need a bigger discussion board... My ego is swelling to dangerous proportions. More seriously, thanks Steel.

FangsNfeet -> RE: Have you always known? (8/6/2009 10:40:22 PM)
I've always known that I was kinky. I had to try a few things before realizing who I really was and what I like doing in the realms of BDSM. In college, I started off as a switch and being topped from the bottom. I think the starting out and exploring phase has allowed me to put myself in the shoes of most subs. I don't dish out anything that I can't take. Now, I'm all DOM.

SmokeSerpent -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 3:42:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GotSteel When I was 4 years old I saw Return of the Jedi and said wow I want one of those. ...and I'm sure all of your subs have appreciated that you didn't see morbid, imobile obesity and the eating of live frogs as critical parts of that lifestyle. As for myself, simply the current culmination of nearly 4 decades of existing. I am me first, a Dom second, and a member of the "this lifestyle" a very distant third. It's partly an unjustified prejudice and partly confirmed over and over again, but I am highly wary of anyone who appears to have those in a different order (substituting sub or switch for Dom as the case may be).

dundreggen -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 6:14:01 AM)
But does that assume that if you are 'you' first and a 'dom' second that a dom isnt' part of who you are? Not trying to be flippant, just to me being sub is as much a part core part of me as any other self defining value.

NihilusZero -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 8:41:39 AM)
It took a number of relationships that seemed to indicate I was overbearing, controlling and constricting (and a few exes suggesting I should seek out submissives) to kind of clue me in that my demeanor and presence in relationships was better suited to someone who would actually enjoy those potential negatives for their positive sides.

Acer49 -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 9:02:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dundreggen Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known. Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you. Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are. I think I always knew. I do not believe you can teach what can only be found deep inside each of us

kaiden1000 -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 10:43:49 AM)
Interesting. The conversation dundreggen is referring to was with me in person while we were talking recently. It seems that she has fairly recently recognized her submissive within, and is now exploring various ways about it. In my case, up until now I always called myself a switch, but, honestly, knew I was Dom. The issue for me has been (and still is) that I wasn't sure if I let the full 'Dom' out, that I could control it. We've been doing a lot of talking, soul searching and so forth the last week or so, and has the dyas go by, particulary the last couple, I think I can not only handle what I haev within, but do a good job of doing so.

SmokeSerpent -> RE: Have you always known? (8/7/2009 10:53:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dundreggen But does that assume that if you are 'you' first and a 'dom' second that a dom isnt' part of who you are? Not trying to be flippant, just to me being sub is as much a part core part of me as any other self defining value. What I mean is, there is a difference between I, myself, being dominant, which is an integral part of me; and identifying as "a Dom" and subjecting myself to whatever communal meaning we place on that term. Being me means that I know what it smells like when they open the Wednesday shipment of comics at the shop as much as it means anything about my relationships. People who need to cast everything they do in the light of being "A Dom" or "A sub" and keeping up appearances are the ones I keep a suspicious eye on.

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