RE: How to start?

RE: How to start? (Full Version)

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obsessiv -> RE: How to start? (8/6/2009 7:41:19 PM)
Thx for all the replies! I'll be writing soon to clarify some things, very helpful please keep them coming

VeeTee -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 11:55:01 AM)
I'm with DarkSteven on this one, too. My Master needs to show me, tell me what he wants. Make me do what he wants. Anything less and I feel like I'm making the call...which just doesn't work for this sub. I am here to obey him. My needs are fulfilled when he shows me he understands that and gives me the opportunity to show my complete submission. I do take into account the fact that you have already had a long term, intimate relationship, know each other well and have developed a deep level of trust and security. There's nothing else to hold you back. Don't talk to her, do her.

pleasuredancer -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 1:43:10 PM)
I agree with DarkSteven, VeeTee, but you also have to talk about it. They can't read our minds. Sure, we want them to take us and do terrible and wonderful things to us, but we also have a responsibility for our end of the relationship. We have to tell them what works and what doesn't. Now, they can help us with that, if, like me, it is hard to express wants and needs, by 'making' us journal or some other thing. We have to see them as human and, beneath all of it, wanting to please us, or at least have a happy piece of meat to come home to.

obsessiv -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 5:09:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hey Jeff. What's happening? I don't think the op is a top. I mean he's done a couple of things she really loved and has never since repeated them. And where he gets the idea the first time he does anal should be very rough must be from porn. Since it's most likely going to end in best case scenario her hard limiting it, and worst case in the ER. Really scary here is that he's proposing stuff with no knowledge of where her lines are, or how to do things safely or with consent. He needs to learn a lot, before he jumps in to the deep end of the pool. Thx again everyone for the thoughtful advice. I just wanted to clarify a few things. We have had anal sex many times and my wife is actually the one who said she wanted to feel comfortable taking it roughly. At this point I am still extra careful. As far as the extra guys, well that may have been mostly my fantasy but she definately seems curious. Like I was saying before though she would probably enjoy it more if the actual decision to do it was taken out of her hands. It would definately be with a guy we trusted not a group of crazy men lol.

obsessiv -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 5:11:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pleasuredancer I have to agree with DarkSteven. Most of us want to please, not be pleased. We want to see your animal, your passion. We want you to use us as you wish you could use all those pretty young things that walk by your desk during the day, wearing a short skirt and a smile. We don't want to say it, but we want to be fucked like a bitch in heat, our needs ignored. We want to get all prettied up for you, and then have everything messed up in a matter of minutes. When you are on the couch, reach over, grab her hair and push her under your waiting mouth. Ask her if she is going to be a good bitch for you, then push her toward your cock. It doesn't have to be rough, in fact, you need to be in control of it. It shouldn't hurt her, yet, it should feel like she can't get away, though. Firm, controlled. When you do that, the most likely response, and the best case scenario, is that she will become all weak and helpless and putty in your hands. Her voice will go wispy and she will retreat into some little girl-like state. If all goes right. She probably wants control from you, and when she gets that, she will probably be more submissive. Take away the key to her pussy from her-- when women are in control of when men get sex, they are in control of a huge part of the relationship. When men, who are dominant, with women who are submissive, take control, the keys to the cunt change hands. Generally, submissive women will be wet and wanting for men who can take that sexual control. it is a good thing. This was so helpful, I really feel like this issue has somehow put us at odds with our sex life. If I could take more control I really think our sex life would flow much more naturally and be more fulfilling for both of us. Love your description :)

dreamerdreaming -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 5:24:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: obsessiv Thx for the reply. I guess hearing what other experienced dominants would do to her if they were me is what Im looking for :) I did address your OP, with my previous reply. I've got enough experience as a dom in a 24/7 TPE relationship, to be able to tell you with confidence: what I would do if I were you is TALK TO HER. Please refer back to my original reply. I hope it helps.

VeeTee -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 8:45:52 PM)
Pleasure Dancer, I see your point. I did say all that in the context of them knowing each other and being clear of their needs and wants. I do agree with that....talking, at some point, is essential. I can't imagine being with a Master that never wanted to know or understand what works for me.

pleasuredancer -> RE: How to start? (8/7/2009 8:48:10 PM)
Obsessiv-- this is how I see it. Women, generally, hold the keys to sex. We have the pussy, men want the pussy. I don't know how that works in the vanilla world, but for me, that was terribly confusing. I didn't want control over when to have sex and I felt that I had to guard myself from those who wanted it. In many relationships, whether women want it to or not, sex becomes a commodity to trade for romance, diamonds and security. When I realized that having a dominant male meant that I didn't have to be the one controlling that part of the relationship, I was a much happier camper. There was a shift that went from me having to guard men from wanting to have sex with me before I was ready for it, to wanting to have sex with the one with whom I was bonded-- and when that shift has developed in me, I am pretty much ready and wanting all the time. Because I trust someone who 'takes' it from me, I am far more secure and security makes me, well, horny for him. I don't know if that is how it is for your wife-- it is just how it is for me. I am guessing, though, that she is much like me and wanting you to take those keys from her. She wants a bit of control from you-- maybe a bit of pain, who knows. You can be gentle, but firm with her. Controlling and loving at the same time. Structure counts. Not games, but telling her firmly and clearly what you want done, and when she does it, give her kudos for doing well. Try small things first, something she would like to do for you but doesn't-- like telling her to wear your favorite scent each day, or tell her what dress you want her to wear out to dinner. If she rewards you with great big doe eyes, and a quick look down out of pleased embarrassment when you compliment her, you have done exactly what she was hoping.

FangsNfeet -> RE: How to start? (8/13/2009 8:09:44 PM)
She wants you to be more dominant and rougher. You like it that way and she's loving it. My addition to all the advice you've been given is to consider some role play options. She can be a prisoner while you interogate her. You can be her Drill Sergeant. You can be a police officer pulling her over in a secluded area. This type of role play puts you in the dominant mind frame ready to talk and be rough.

KCalli -> RE: How to start? (8/14/2009 5:11:10 AM)
My agreement is with DarkSteven. Speaking as a sub, there is nothing worse than not being able to submit. It is my nature and my desire. I am so much more comfortable if I am given clear direction, and under complete control. Allow her to submit to you. You are in charge, you take control. Don't leave her hanging, it is a confusing and annoying place to be. If she is truly submissive, it is a need deep within her. It is who she is, to the core. Nothing will change that. For myself it took 2 marraiges of "doing what I was supposed to do" with men who would not take control for whatever reason, and by the end of them, I had lost all respect, and even felt contempt. To submit and to serve is hard wired into my core. I can do nothing else and remain happy and centered. It is just the way it is.

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