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CreativeDominant -> RE: I know, another collar ?? (8/8/2009 11:28:52 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: eyesopened
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney
I have read threads on the issue of collars but my ?? was really not answered or at least I did not find it..
Anyway, here it goes.... My Daddy and I have talked about being collared and what it meant to U/us. At first I was feeling like I was not truly ready for a collar just yet because of lack of trust but here lately I have thought a lot about this. When I brought it up to my Daddy He responded that I was not ready.. He stated that I still had to much independence and I was not truly ready to submit. I told Him that I was just spunky and enjoyed my free spirt and spark. I also know when its time to be playful and when it's NOT. *My* limited understanding is a sub has a *little* more freedom then a slave......and I (at this time) don't really have a desire to be a slave. Maybe in time my heart will go towards more of a slave......but right now I don't want to give up my freedom of choice of being spunky and playful..and maybe I just don't have a true understanding of being a slave. To give a small example of this would be during a *fun* time...my Daddy mights ask me to watch my mouth.........then without even thinking about it, I will try to literally watch my mouth...lol W/we both get a laugh when I do this....and I'm pretty good about knowing when my Daddy is being more serious and play would NOT be approbate...
Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??
Thanks & Be Well
sidney
Why do you want to be collared?
Did your Daddy say you weren't ready because you are spunky? Because you enjoy your independence. Do you define independence as being capable of making independent decisions or independence as not feeling a need for a committed bond?
I spent most of my adult life happily pursuing relationships of shared joys and common interests without ever feeling I needed commitment beyond simple intergity. (That is, we do what we say we will do and no lying about anything). I didn't need a collar to be a great servant. I didn't need a collar to feel affection, connection or trust. I don't really need my collar now but I begged for it because I was ready to surrender not who I am but how I was.
I really like the idea behind what eyes has said above. It fits in with my own ideas of not wanting a submissive who feels like she has to give up who she is to be mine but who feels like giving up HOW she is is not only what she has to do, she wants to do so...wants to turn over that power of "how" she is to me.
I am sure there are plenty of times when a submissive feels like just saying...as virgin put it so well..."F**K it, I'm outta here". Feeling it and actually saying it are two different things. Feeling it but staying there because you agreed to submit to his/her ways and the dynamic you've created and because you are changing ever more of how you are to what is submissive to his dominance is commitment to the relationship and to your own submission. Saying it, especially early on or when things get too difficult is an admission that you like your submission easy and that obstacles are not to be overcome but to be avoided or gone around. And to be clear...there's nothing wrong with saying "Fuck it, I'm outta here" if both state that they are into that kind of easygoing dynamic...and then one tries to change it...I just know that I am not. I've reached the point in my life where my profile and my conversations about what I want, what I expect, how I see submission and dominance are pretty clear. There is plenty of room for immeasurable shades of gray in what I say and in any dynamic I enter into but one thing that is black and white is this: If you want a dynamic and relationship where I do all the work because I am the dominant, then I am not the dominant for you. If you want a dynamic and relationship where someone won't hurt you or anger you by pointing out that since you are in a relationship now...and a D/s dynamic...there are other feelings and thoughts to be considered other than your own, then I am not the dominant for you.
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