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I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 6:23:31 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

I have read threads on the issue of collars but my ?? was really not answered or at least I did not find it..
Anyway, here it goes.... My Daddy and I have talked about being collared and what it meant to U/us. At first I was feeling like I was not truly ready for a collar just yet because of lack of trust but here lately I have thought a lot about this. When I brought it up to my Daddy He responded that I was not ready.. He stated that I still had to much independence and I was not truly ready to submit. I told Him that I was just spunky and enjoyed my free spirt and spark. I also know when its time to be playful and when it's NOT. *My* limited understanding is a sub has a *little* more freedom then a slave......and I (at this time) don't really have a desire to be a slave. Maybe in time my heart will go towards more of a slave......but right now I don't want to give up my freedom of choice of being spunky and playful..and maybe I just don't have a true understanding of being a slave. To give a small example of this would be during a *fun* time...my Daddy mights ask me to watch my mouth.........then without even thinking about it, I will try to literally watch my mouth...lol W/we both get a laugh when I do this....and I'm pretty good about knowing when my Daddy is being more serious and play would NOT be approbate...
Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??

Thanks & Be Well
sidney

Post #: 1

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 6:38:33 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I have read threads on the issue of collars but my ?? was really not answered or at least I did not find it..
Anyway, here it goes.... My Daddy and I have talked about being collared and what it meant to U/us. At first I was feeling like I was not truly ready for a collar just yet because of lack of trust but here lately I have thought a lot about this. When I brought it up to my Daddy He responded that I was not ready.. He stated that I still had to much independence and I was not truly ready to submit. I told Him that I was just spunky and enjoyed my free spirt and spark. I also know when its time to be playful and when it's NOT. *My* limited understanding is a sub has a *little* more freedom then a slave......and I (at this time) don't really have a desire to be a slave. Maybe in time my heart will go towards more of a slave......but right now I don't want to give up my freedom of choice of being spunky and playful..and maybe I just don't have a true understanding of being a slave. To give a small example of this would be during a *fun* time...my Daddy mights ask me to watch my mouth.........then without even thinking about it, I will try to literally watch my mouth...lol W/we both get a laugh when I do this....and I'm pretty good about knowing when my Daddy is being more serious and play would NOT be approbate...
Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??

Thanks & Be Well
sidney

Why do you want to be collared?

Did your Daddy say you weren't ready because you are spunky? Because you enjoy your independence. Do you define independence as being capable of making independent decisions or independence as not feeling a need for a committed bond?

I spent most of my adult life happily pursuing relationships of shared joys and common interests without ever feeling I needed commitment beyond simple intergity. (That is, we do what we say we will do and no lying about anything). I didn't need a collar to be a great servant. I didn't need a collar to feel affection, connection or trust. I don't really need my collar now but I begged for it because I was ready to surrender not who I am but how I was.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 2

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 6:48:20 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??...

it depends on the individual and their Dom/me/Master/Owner/Daddy/Mommy/whatever.

for this slave, it meant giving up control/authority over this slave's life and everything in it....but this slave can't speak for all who are collared, so that's not something everyone who wears a collar gives up.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 3

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 6:53:58 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I selected my sub based on who he is and what he could bring into our relationship. I do not think you should give up a part of who you are when collared, it sounds to me as if your Dom wants you to change a certain behavior. It would seem that your independent streak is not viewed as an asset to him but rather an obstacle. I would say in this case you may wish to sit down with him and talk about it because if you have different views of your D/s relationship, he may not be the one for you.

If you feel that perhaps you are not ready or that perhaps he is asking you to give up to much of yourself, you may wish to for go the collar and keep your options open.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 4

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 8:51:48 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 5

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 9:34:46 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??

Kind of yes, kind of no.

On the yes side, ANY relationship requires us to give up who we were when we were single. There are always compromises, adjustements, etc. God knows I've changed dramatically in the 15 years Carol & I have been together. So has she. The people we used to be are long gone.

On the no side, it is my goal to remake Carol into my perfect woman. But on the other hand, I also need to be cognizant of the raw materials I'm working with. Given that a significant part of my "perfect woman" is a "happy woman", a large part of my efforts are centered around bringing out the best and happiest Carol I can manage. So as an example, her art career is of critical importance to me.

To the humor thing.. I consider Carol a slave.. that is to say, I have authority over everything -- or at least everything we've run into so far. But I personally place high value on laughter and humor. Carol and I have been "playing house" (read that as married) for 15 years now. For 2 years we've been "playing master/slave". There is no way in the world I would sacrifice giggling for dominance. Like you, Carol is good about knowing when I'm serious. And if I take a sudden "serious turn" and she misses it, it's trivial to refocus her. A simple comment like, "Not now mine. I'm being serious and I need your attention." does the trick every time. There is nothing inherent in either D/s or M/s that says you can't have a load of fun while you're doing it.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 6

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 9:52:26 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

~~fast reply~~

i cant speak for anyone's relationship but my own....but TheEngineer and i are in a daddy-dom relationship, and he cherishes the silly moments. if i were serious about things all the time, he wouldnt enjoy things half as much as he does. and he's capable of being JUST as silly as i am, maybe more so.

(he chases me around making growly bear noises for pete's sake! and telling me "gonna catch the little girl and eat her all up!" silly man.

)

ooh and for the record, he calls me his slave. *shrugs* i dont think that what a dominant and submissive refer to each other matters as much as how they *fit* together.

kitten

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 7

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 9:57:03 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for all the GREAT replies. I guess the collar issue...is really many issues all in one for me. One of the big ones is the level of commitment to one another... The more I have been kicking it around in my head.......the more I realize that maybe He is right... Maybe W/we both are not ready...
Daddy spoke of being interested in the D/s lifestyle early on.....but I seem to be the one that starting U/us truly moving that way.
I view independence as being able to make personal life choices.. Like going to school, visiting friends and family when I want to, money issues, and so forth. I can truly be committed to someone without giving up those kind of freedoms.. I guess I need to ask my Daddy what He thinks submission is for Him. I'm very happy taking care of Him.. I have even stepped up to the plate and became willing to go where on my own...I would never go.. That is one of my ideas of submission.

Thanks
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 8

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 9:57:36 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

My husband married ME, with all the quirks and foibles attendant to that.. I know when he is being serious, when he's funnin', as he does me (usually, on both sides.. sometimes things get lost in transatlantic translations). But he does not expect me to stop being the person he married.. and I certainly don't expect him to stop being the person I married.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 9

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 10:26:39 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I guess I need to ask my Daddy what He thinks submission is for Him

YES.

That might well be the smartest single line I read on collarme all day today.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 10

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 10:37:29 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

It is as everyone has said sidney, computability is the most important thing in any relationship you both have to be happy with what you are, what they are and what you are together. It isn't about what is or isn't a slave you will quickly learn that every single person on here has a different definition of that because we are all individual people the only other definition that should matter is that of your partner so as you have said you need to talk to him.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 11

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 11:06:51 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

I have a hard time giving up COMPLETE control too, Sidney. I know I wouldn't make a good slave but I do believe I'm a good subby.
I like expressing my opinion too damn much but I will do what it takes to make him happy & he will have the final word so that's all that matters at this time. Who knows, maybe down the road I can control my mouth fully but I seriously doubt that.
I like what eyesopened said:

quote:

I was ready to surrender not who I am but how I was.

You know better than anyone what I've been thru this week and because I'm still searching for ways to make him happy instead of saying, "F**K it, I'm outta here" means I'm changing on the inside which is a good thing.

He appreciates my humor but on the flip side it can get me into trouble when expressed at the wrong time so that's a challenge for me, holding back when he's being serious.

If you're not a sub/slave, you can't force the issue. If he's not a dom, he can't force it either. You have to crave it, it has to be a part of you. Without that, you're just going thru the motions.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 12

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 11:44:28 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

I'm also trying to change from the inside.....to better fit His needs........ I guess it ALL boils down to trust......
Thanks A/all for helping me work though this in my head... I'm finding that the whole collar issues is just an on the top layer.. The REAL issues are much deeper.... I'm going to have chew on this for a while and take it to my Daddy....
Again, thanks for the support...
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 13

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 12:21:44 PM

pleasuredancer

Posts: 39
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Sydney,

You sound very wise in your thought process. A collar is just an outward sign of an agreement. No one but the two who made it, knows what that agreement is, so, until you and your daddy have agreed, the collar is irrelevant. You asked if you have to give up yourself-- For me, I am a changeling. I adapt, outwardly, to the one I am with. It is in my nature to please and so I do that without thinking. On the other hand, my inner core doesn't change. It is very strong, and very sure of itself. If that isn't respected and recognized, then the relationship goes nowhere. Someone who valued me would realize that, and honor that part of me.

So, you have to decide what is adaptable in you, and what should never change. Should your daddy want a part of you to change that is a core value, you are not compatible. The rest is up for grabs... at least it is for me.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 14

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 2:21:35 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I don't think that ANYthing we do in life should be giving up part of who we are...but that we should be doing things that embrace part of who we are.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 15

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 2:34:53 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

My advise is quit trying so hard. Simply go with what feels right. You don't have to figure out or FIT a definitions -- simply live life and also trust him to take you where he wants you to go -- don't force it or over think its. I tell many many many many new slaves or want to be slaves (sorry i don't know how subs do it) its really simple -- just exhale and BE. The rest will follow. Also, when and if you become a slave, don't try and LIVE LIFE OF A SLAVE, simply live life of which you are living a slave's life. BIG difference if you think about it.

All in all, relax and have fun. That's all this is really about. In the end, the definitions and collars will come when its time and when it feels natural.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 4:03:23 PM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

to me being collared is being free not the other way around. to be collared is to be loved and owned and free to love and be myself. to not be collared is to be uncertain and insecure to be afraid and feel alone even if I'm with someone I always doubt things never sure when it will end unless collared.
Right now I'm not collared but I'm under contract I hope that I will be collared if things progress well. I suppose it is my goal to be collared and owned it is how I am and what i've dreamed off since I was little. I was collared once for 3 years but I hope the next one will be permenent.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 17

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 8:45:45 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

I am also a sub, but could not tollerate being a slave. I am very independant and strong willed. I serve because I enjoy making my Mistress happy. In the year that I have been wearing her collar I have allowed her to do things to me that I could have never imagined tollerating from anyone else. She has said that I am the most obedient sub she has ever had. I have never disobeyed her. That does not mean I do not question her or speak my mind. The collar is a symbol of the agreement between us which consisted of a set of rules she gave me and a list of promises I made to her. In short, it means percisely what she and I had defined it to mean.

ps: being cheeky and taking her instructions way too literally are the only things that ever give her reason to paddle my butt.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Post #: 18

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 8:52:09 PM

VanIsleKnight

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

When I think about being collared or being offered a collar, I think of it like a proposal ring. It's asking for a commitment to what will hopefully be a lifelong relationship. I also feel that a collared can either be a 24/7 thing, or it can be something just for the times when submissive and dominant can be together away from the irritating realities of the world. It's not something I'd take lightly without knowing exactly what the dominant is offering when She is asking to place it around my neck.

_____________________________

Apologies for what you feel might be a spelling error. I'm Canadian.

(in reply to atypicalsub)

Post #: 19

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/7/2009 10:54:56 PM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

being collared isn't about giving up a part of yourself but embracing it, it's sort of a formal announcement of your relationship, declaring that you're now monogamous or poly amorous or whatever flavor has been agreed upon

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 20

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