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Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/8/2009 11:32:04 PM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		I don't understand this term, I imagine it has something to do with the sub somehow controlling the dom.  That's about all I can get out of it though, what is topping from bottom?  How does one do it and, more importantly, how does one -avoid- doing it?

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/8/2009 11:48:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In My view, it is someone attempting to control the scene from the bottom standpoint.  Trying to coerce or direct the top on how the scene will go.

How to avoid it?  Accept the fact that the top is in charge of the scene during the specified and agreed parameters.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 12:42:45 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Aaaah yes.  Topping from the bottom.  That's the bottom/submissive/slave trying to run the show so to speak, either through manipulation, "I want, I want," or any other way she/he can think of.  The Top/Dominant doesn't have to fall for it and, in some relationships, it is a punishable offense.  In my relationship with Sir, I refuse to do that, and if I were to get anywhere near doing so, I'd have a very red ass and we both know it.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 7:02:05 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Please note that the perception of topping from the bottom is entirely subjective.  Some Doms have been criticized for calling it when the sub is simply self expressing.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 7:35:25 AM   
NextDoorMan


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline 		This term has often been a buzz-kill for me, but I think after reading LP's post I have come to terms with it. A bottom trying to control the scene during the scene should be considered topping from the bottom. Any other time I consider it purely negotiation.

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 8:50:17 AM   
Tango3579007


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/2/2009
Status: offline 		I've always practiced that once a scene has been negotiated then it cannot be changed mid course without stopping it with a safe word.  A bottom/slave/sub who does try, gets punished within those pre-negotiated terms.  If you do not negotiate before hand, then you could get the result of someone else controling things. 
So negotiate with someone before hand or find someone who just can take anything you dish out.

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 8:53:34 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		However, if you fail to negotiate the conditions before entering the play room... You are at the mercy of your top.  The bottom may make suggestions, but the top has the right to accept or deny those requests.

"Please stop?  or Please more?"


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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 9:10:48 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

what is topping from bottom?  How does one do it?


Beyond the eloquent flow of descriptions, the truth rises to sweeten our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlxdP-XEfls

chia* (the pet)



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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 9:21:27 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NextDoorMan

This term has often been a buzz-kill for me, but I think after reading LP's post I have come to terms with it. A bottom trying to control the scene during the scene should be considered topping from the bottom. Any other time I consider it purely negotiation.


I agree. But what about within the context of a relationship, which is how the phrase is often used?

In my never humble opinion, a submissive can only top from the bottom if a dom allows it (nature DOES abhor a vacuum). I also feel that a submissive's attempts to top from the bottom is (often) a sign that some needs are not getting met.





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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 9:23:54 AM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

However, if you fail to negotiate the conditions before entering the play room... You are at the mercy of your top.  The bottom may make suggestions, but the top has the right to accept or deny those requests.

"Please stop?  or Please more?"



Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping?  Just wondering.
Thanks!

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Warmly,
LD

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 9:26:41 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

I don't understand this term, I imagine it has something to do with the sub somehow controlling the dom. That's about all I can get out of it though, what is topping from bottom? How does one do it and, more importantly, how does one -avoid- doing it?



Mostly it is a term used to belittle and insult subs knowing that for many it would be heartbreaking to hear simply because the dominant isnt wearing their big boy/girl trousers and needs to transfer their own inadequacies on to someone else

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 9:47:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme
Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping?  Just wondering.
Thanks!


I wouldn't, but then again, I take My terms rather literally.  A top to Me is the person doing the acts during a scene and bottom is the person receiving.  In the simplest of terms, I swing the flogger and the bottom is getting hit.  Basically do-er and do-ee.  (Not to imply that a bottom doesn't respond during a scene.)

I tend to use the term in context of play only, not especially when there is a power dynamic between the two.  So, for DD's question about those who use it to describe a situation where the sub is trying to control the authority in the dynamic, it's not the term that I apply.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 10:05:50 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping?  Just wondering.
Thanks!

I imagine that some might, but how could you tell?  From my perspective as a sub, I would not use it to purposely Top from the bottom to get my way, as I consider that very sneaky and somehow dishonest, bratty & wouldn't be able to live with my own conscience if I did.  And Sir is sharp as a tack and would know it, and I'd get a very red ass anyway.  lmao  All kidding aside though, even without the reality of a red ass, I would not misuse my safeword to do that.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 10:06:19 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		when im with my mistress the word stop is not in my vocabulary ..i trust her completely  she knows what my limits are and if she wants to push them it wouldnt be the first time ...and i lived threw it  love a lady in control ..the power exchange can be amazing ..why stop her when shes having fun  been with her 7 plus years now ..she knows me well ...mal

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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 11:40:25 AM   
Tango3579007


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/2/2009
Status: offline 		A safe word is more for newbies.  They can use it to set limits on what is done.  If you get hit on the butt too hard its not fun, you have to communicate that.  Safe words do that.  Once trust is set on both parties then safe words are not really needed.  Safe word = one path to trust.

(in reply to malloves69)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 11:52:21 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		*just sighs at the "safe words are for newbies" comment.

Safe words are for those who wish to use them. In my opinion that are not an adequate replacement for a dominant who is paying close attention, but there are some scenes (rape role play comes to mind) where they are necessary.

As for a dominant viewing the use of a safe word as topping from the bottom, surely that would depend on the two people involved. If I had a sub who constantly safe worded as a means of controling the play, I'd be assuming there was a major communications failure.

A major communications failure is not topping from the bottom in my opinion.


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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 1:56:40 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tango3579007

A safe word is more for newbies.  They can use it to set limits on what is done.  If you get hit on the butt too hard its not fun, you have to communicate that.  Safe words do that.  Once trust is set on both parties then safe words are not really needed.  Safe word = one path to trust.


We've been 24/7 for over 3 years and still have a safe word.  Neither of us will play without one.  I have never been to an event that didn't require one from those who were using the dungeon area.  If a safe word were not agreed upon just saying safe word was agreed to be the universal safe word. 

It doesn't matter if we ever use our safe word or not.  It's always there for use. 

(in reply to Tango3579007)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 2:06:22 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

I don't understand this term, I imagine it has something to do with the sub somehow controlling the dom.  That's about all I can get out of it though, what is topping from bottom?  How does one do it and, more importantly, how does one -avoid- doing it?


Topping from the bottom is generally the bottom (the one who has an action done to him or her) trying to tell the Top (the one who is doing the action) what and how to do the action.  In the case where the bottom is the submissive and the Top is the dominant, this is considered a bad thing. 

However, there are times when the dominant is the bottom (getting the action) and the submissive is the top (doing the action).  In this case topping from the bottom is not only acceptable, but it is expected that the dominant (who is the bottom this time) will stay in charge. 

So, depending on circumstances topping from the bottom could be a something to avoid. 

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 2:20:16 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping?  Just wondering.
Thanks!


Depends.  I heard of one sub who was about to be punished and safeworded before the first stroke fell.

I'm still not sure what I would have done if I were the Top.  The Dom in question honored the safeword and stopped.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
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RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? - 8/9/2009 3:37:03 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

However, if you fail to negotiate the conditions before entering the play room... You are at the mercy of your top.  The bottom may make suggestions, but the top has the right to accept or deny those requests.

"Please stop?  or Please more?"



Which is why a submissive needs to find a Dominant they know they can trust to watch their welfare.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 20
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