Selfish?

Selfish? (Full Version)

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DomineeringSIR -> Selfish? (8/9/2009 12:55:58 PM)
Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands!

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 12:58:47 PM)
You sound like you are living in a fantasy world, also the capping of My Me can be off putting especially if you are claiming to be new. I think that it reeks of inexperience actually.

Wyzardsgirl -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:07:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands! You can make all the demands you like. Doesn't mean you're going to find someone willing to comply unless you're willing to give some indication what the s type will receive in return. Personally, I wouldn't respond to 'demands' prior to having already established some correspondence or other type of communication with someone. JMO. Good luck in your journey!

petmonkey -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:09:25 PM)
After reviewing Your profile . . . i would recommend that You look at other Dominant's profiles that have been posting here for some time as a comparison. Perhaps You will discover what is "missing" according to the person who said that to You.

littlewonder -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:09:44 PM)
Well reading your profile, I agree it reads of inexperience. I would suggest writing more about what you have to offer a woman. What are your interests? What kind of life do you lead? Give a description of who you are as a person. Women want to know there's something mutual about you than just that you want a complete slave.

DomineeringSIR -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:12:21 PM)
All advice is welcome. Consider the uncapping done. Its niggling me though as to what sort of things I should offer the slave. It is inexperience but we all have to start somewhere.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:24:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR All advice is welcome. Consider the uncapping done. Its niggling me though as to what sort of things I should offer the slave. It is inexperience but we all have to start somewhere. Yes so rather than saying what you want in such strict terms 'you will obey me' say who you are, what you like, and as someone else said read other profiles to see how they do it.

beargonewild -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:32:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR All advice is welcome. Consider the uncapping done. Its niggling me though as to what sort of things I should offer the slave. It is inexperience but we all have to start somewhere. Why not simply state what you offer as a person, as a potential partner, as a human being; since you've admitted you are inexperienced? Doesn't seems like rocket science yanno.

SassySarijane -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:34:10 PM)
It's not cookie cutter any and all subs or slaves to serve any and all doms just because one is sub and one is dom. It is still a relationship and trust, respect and such have to be built, they are not instantly given to someone you don't know or barely know.

peppermint -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 1:41:52 PM)
Start with this thought. A dominant should be dominant but not domineering. So, first suggestion is to change your name. Now, tell us the sorts of things you enjoy doing. Do you camp? Do you hike? Do you watch movies? An active dominant who rides a bicyle for 50 miles every weekend would not do well with a submissive who prefers to watch movies. In your profile, tell us about yourself so that you become human. You don't want your profile to be seen as just another newbie dominant profile who doesn't have a clue. By the way, a dominant who offers nothing but demands to a submissive will not have a submissive for very long. If you give the submissive nothing, then you'll get nothing in return. An unhappy submissive is a submissive who looks for greener pastures.

DomineeringSIR -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 2:16:29 PM)
Thanks all. Got a feeling I'll be a regular on here. Want this more than anything so I'll take on board any advice from both sides.

IronBear -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 2:34:48 PM)
My suggestion is for you to walk softly, softly until you learn more about the D/s or M/s dynamics, it take time to build trust and respect irrespective hoe experienced or inexperienced you are. I used to have as my tag/siggy line for years here: *"Yes, I am a Master, just not your Master!"* I found than a good number of sub/slaves both here on line and in real life face to face situations respected that and understood precisely what I was talking about. regarding your profile, perhaps telling something about who you are, likes and dislikes, things you like to do and things which uinterest yiou and want to learn in both BDSM and outside it will make you more approachable and human.

IrishMist -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 2:39:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands! snicker [8\|]

windchymes -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 2:46:32 PM)
Just because women are on here claiming to be subs and slaves, they're (we're) still human beings, and we're still female. And most of all, we're smart [;)] Oops, clicked OK before I was done...... You'll have a lot more success here being a likeable guy, rather than the DomlyDom type, and if you hang around the boards awhile, you'll see who we swoon over and who makes us all warm and mushy inside. Some of them have already posted in this thread..... Welcome to the boards! [:)]

AnimusRex -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 2:53:30 PM)
I agree with IronBear's comments. When I was new, I realized very quickly that its best to enter quietly, listen and learn as much as you can, before attempting to own or control anyone. I applaud you for volunteering that you are new, and asking for assistance; too many hide their inexperience with bluster and bullshit. However, on a contrary note; While many, if not most women enjoy having their Master also be their lover, boyfriend, and husband, meaning they enjoy falling in love with Him, and sharing feelings and so forth; not all women want this. There is someone for every fetish, whether it be diapers or crucifixion. Some women actually enjoy having a Dominant who is a bit at arm's length, sometimes to the point of cold cruelty. These are in the minority though, and if this is the dynamic you want, realize that your pool of candidates will be remarkably small, just as it would be with any highly specialized fetish or dynamic. Welcome to this world, and I hope you find what you are looking for. p.s. Some people agree with the Capitalization conventions, others abhore it; some mock it, some insist on it. Lesson #1 of BDSM- for every practice, there are both adherents and detractors- Listen to all, but do as you see fit.

ShadowsLap -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 3:36:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex ...snip ... Lesson #1 of BDSM- for every practice, there are both adherents and detractors- Listen to all, but do as you see fit. Lesson #2 of BDSM - do enough self introspection to have a jello-mold of what you like (or at least what you dislike), what you desire, what you desire to learn and what you would like to share with someone else. All these things will help when you look at profiles to see where you might be compatible with another. Personally, I believe it is irresponsible to respond to a profile without enough requisite self information to decide if an interesting profile ... is interesting based on what I'm looking for ... or just what I'm looking at. Be well, at peace and best of luck in your journey! SL

beargonewild -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 3:40:11 PM)
Lesson #3 - BDSM is not the end all...be all. We are still people under all the labels we self impose.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 4:06:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR All advice is welcome. Consider the uncapping done. Its niggling me though as to what sort of things I should offer the slave. It is inexperience but we all have to start somewhere. Tell her about yourself, about her life, about the person that she would be yielding -to-. Remember that, although you may command, the servant must yield to your authority. If she does not yield, you may have a woman with a collar around her neck, but you do -not- have a slave. As at least one other individual has mentioned here, there are households where romance/lover is not part of the authority dynamic. We are among the households that do not base our authority dynamic on romance, and this works well for us, but that -doesn't- mean that we do not care for our servants, and through our discussion with a servant, it is up to us to reveal who we are in a way that confers both our requirement of holding the authority in the relationship -and- which expresses that this servant will have value to us. Dame Calla

leadership527 -> RE: Selfish? (8/9/2009 7:34:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands! ponders... Oh where to start. You're not being too dominant. You're just being too selfish. You do, in fact, have a lot to learn. I would strongly urge you to spend some considerable time asking yourself the following question: Why on god's green earth would another human give themselves to me, either partially or totally, to do with as I will? I honestly think having a clear answer to that question will help you a lot. I can clearly and concisely state what I provide Carol. She's not my slave out of the goodness of her heart -- well... perhaps that isn't true. Maybe it is the goodness of her heart, but she's getting a very reasonable deal in return.

OsideGirl -> RE: Selfish? (8/10/2009 7:49:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands! There's a difference between dominant and domineering. I would highly recommend reading both definitions. Next you can make all the demands you want, at this stage, they'll be empty demands. You're assuming that your needs, wants and desires are the only ones that matter. You need to realize that the person you're addressing is not your submissive, they don't have to listen to or fulfill your demands. Bottom line is that we're in WIITWD because it fulfills us and makes us happy. Any relationship, but especially a D/s relationship, is symbiotic. An "s" puts the decision making process into the hands of the "D" type. So, why would a submissive put her life into the hands of someone that only cares about themself?

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