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Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:38:25 PM   
Thegentleman1


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		I have been a BDSM Master for 20 plus years but I have never 'taken a submissive under consideration'. Until now I have just collared my subs plus I was married to my submissive for the last 8 years. I am at that point with a new sub and would like to follow proper protocal. Are there 'proper' guide lines that I should follow? I would appreciate any help / advice you may have.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:40:29 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thegentleman1

I have been a BDSM Master for 20 plus years but I have never 'taken a submissive under consideration'. Until now I have just collared my subs plus I was married to my submissive for the last 8 years. I am at that point with a new sub and would like to follow proper protocal. Are there 'proper' guide lines that I should follow? I would appreciate any help / advice you may have.


twenty years and you dont know the answer to that question?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:43:51 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Short answer, no there are no "proper" protocols. We had a thread a month or so ago about what under consideration was all about. There is no real agreement on what the term means. The only agreement is that those involved in the dynamic need to agree upon what it means for them. I am not sure why, after all these years, you feel the need to change a practice that has worked well for you. It is not a necessary step unless you and/or she believes it is.

You will likely receive a lot of opposing viewpoints and will have to sift though what is right for YOU in this matter. No matter what your decision, however, I will hope that you can remain open minded and nonjudgemental of those who come to a different path from your own.

lovingpet

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:51:22 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Tell her that she's under consideration and explain what you think it means.  And see if she agrees.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:51:52 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		No, there are no accepted protocols. I rather think You have done fine for Yourself, but perhaps this new sub has raised this term and made You question whether You've been 'doing it right' all this time? The answer is, as has been said, all that matters is what feels right for You and she. Now it could be that she longs for that outward level of commitment, of feeling that the 2 of you are seriously considering a life together. It might be something that meets her needs ... if it suits You to provide it. The most important thing is to talk and negotiate clearly what this stage means to both of you.

For Myself, as a sub wishing to serve Me would be entering a poly household (my sub side serves Master), then we tend to use a collar of consideration, in that a prospective sub is as much considering us as we are considering how well they fit into our lives. It could be that the sub fits Me ... but do they fit US? That's not something to be decided in a hurry, so the period of time when they come to stay before they make final moves would be termed consideration and is entered into seriously.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:52:45 PM   
Thegentleman1


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		It is evident you did NOT read my post.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 5:57:49 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thegentleman1

It is evident you did NOT read my post.


No it really isnt. The answer to this question is simple, no there arent you are the dominant you make them up.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:00:17 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You know, a while back, I used to joke about putting together some various definitions and call it "Lady Pact's List of Terms."  With the threads that are coming up lately, I may have to put some serious thought into that.

Think of "Under Consideration" as you would the exclusive dating phase of a vanilla relationship.  It's basically exactly how it sounds.  It's a time period for you and the submissive to consider each other prior to a collar of ownership.  Do you match well for a D/s dynamic?  Are the kinks compatible?  Are you both of the character that each of you wants in someone for the other side of the kneel?

During this time, you engage is D/s pretty much the same as it was a permanent collar.  After all, what good is a trial period if you're not trying it out?  This also helps you to learn about each other and what you want.  Also a learning phase on how service should be applied and how authority will be used.  In the meantime, other Dominants should (hopefully) have the courtesy to know that the two of you are in a power dynamic of some kind.  Something like you don't hit on your friend's fiancee.

I hope that helps.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:02:27 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		I can do you a list of official rules for twenty US dollars if you want. I have them on this beermat.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:10:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If that was really in reply to Me, I don't think I need it, but I'll remember the offer.  LOL.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:18:57 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If that was really in reply to Me, I don't think I need it, but I'll remember the offer.  LOL.
Autoreply.  I have a vague sense of self-preservation. 


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:19:58 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If that was really in reply to Me, I don't think I need it, but I'll remember the offer. LOL.
Autoreply. I have a vague sense of self-preservation.



Bless

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:32:50 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: Thegentleman1

I have been a BDSM Master for 20 plus years but I have never 'taken a submissive under consideration'. Until now I have just collared my subs plus I was married to my submissive for the last 8 years. I am at that point with a new sub and would like to follow proper protocal. Are there 'proper' guide lines that I should follow? I would appreciate any help / advice you may have.


twenty years and you dont know the answer to that question?


   


_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:35:03 PM   
Thegentleman1


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you LadyPact. This is the defination that I had in my mind but wanted to be sure it was close the BDSM protocal. Thanks again

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:35:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If that was really in reply to Me, I don't think I need it, but I'll remember the offer.  LOL.
Autoreply.  I have a vague sense of self-preservation. 



Not the first time I've heard that one, but it always brings a smile to these sadistic lips.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 6:53:54 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		20 years and you're looking for a protocol? You aren't serious?
 
So what am I missing?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 8:33:26 PM   
Thegentleman1


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		In following protocal I am actually showing respect the the lifestyle I have chosen.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 8:35:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In that case, Dear, the word is protocol.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 9:10:22 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thegentleman1

In following protocal I am actually showing respect the the lifestyle I have chosen.


I laugh in the face of the lifestyle I have chosen.

Seriously though, I wonder if you believe that to be true how have you gone 20 years without using it? I mean does that mean you didn't respect any of your prior relationships or well life?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Consideration - 8/9/2009 9:52:23 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thegentleman1

I have been a BDSM Master for 20 plus years but I have never 'taken a submissive under consideration'. Until now I have just collared my subs plus I was married to my submissive for the last 8 years. I am at that point with a new sub and would like to follow proper protocal. Are there 'proper' guide lines that I should follow? I would appreciate any help / advice you may have.


There is no BDSM rule book that everyone goes by.  I'm thinking that you, as the Dominant, are the one that makes up the rules and decides how things are going to work in your BDSM relationships and it's up to the submissive/slave to agree or disagree right up front.  If they disagree, then they have to decide whether or not it's the relationship for them.....since you, as the D-type, would be the one making up the rules.  Then they can take it or leave it.....and the prospective relationship.  Of course, this is just my opinion.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Thegentleman1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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