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Termyn8or -> RE: No more favors (8/13/2009 2:13:17 AM)
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You sensed anger ? I didn't. In fact the last two days were OK to say the least. I went in Monday, and I actually got something done before the power went out. Yup. boom boom out went the lights. Everything I touch at work needs power except my laptop.
I got in late, solved a almost three hundred dollar problem and left at four. Two hours. Tuesday I showed up and had a nice productive day, Got a few problems solved. Today I took off. Got a few things done around the house, and am about readt to carpet the upstairs livingroom, which means it will be officially for rent, period. I got the stove and fridge. The place is freshly tiled and pained. One good sweepout after the carpet ond nobody goes up there except prospective renters. Oh wait, wash the walls in the hallway, big deal.
The scanner in my printer is fixed, my buddy thimnks he has a muffler laying around for my car. I see him and he just gives me a couple of packs of smokes (I let him stay over the other day, and he didn't get any of the elk steaks).
Some days are really better than others. Problem is when things go too well I get worried. The last time I felt this good I got pulled over. Stay home I guess right ? On the other hand, dinner from the diner was a big disappointment. I hope that is the biggest of my problems.
But there are some good things that don't just go away. I have been taking alot of time off lately and they were happy to see me. To be productive as well is a big plus. And I was prductive as hell. I did in four and a half hours what they pay people eight hours to do. Of course that is my normal level of performance, but to do it when I am not feeling the greatest is very goos, and very timely for the business. My job is extremely secure. I don't care about the fact that right now there is only about three bucks in my wallet, to know that I still have this job is enough.
I come here and bitch, so I think it fair that I come and relate some goos things once in a while. Those of you who know about my job knbow, you don't just get jobs like this. Two weeks no show no call, just show up, "Jeff, glad to see you are alive". Went to work, worked. Cooperation amongst the employees is at it's finest after I tweaked them a bit. I swear, even the best of my friends, if they could kill me and take my job they just might. Some have told me so.
So I'm still short on cash and guess what happens. Guy owes me, not alot just a bit, but he calls and says to meet him, he got me cigarettes and fed me today. Doesn't want any money, this guy stays over once in a whikle and just considers it a payback. OK, I guess we are out of the favor zone. There may be some hope for me !
Healthwise I am feeling, walking and breathing alot better. I am beating this. Everybody said to got the doctor, but they just don't understand my convictions on the matter. But it appears like I will come out of it unassisted by modern medicine, and to me that is a great success, because it was pretty bad there for a while. If I get back all the way up, and did not go to the doctor it proves my point of view, validates my claims of strength and as a tertiary benfit, I live. You don't understand, I will die for my beliefs. I will also die for my rights, as put in another thread. Nonetheless this is a victory if thing go on as they have. So I have no doctor bill, no scrip to fill, nothing of the sort. I told you, and in a while when I am back fully I will show you.
You already might know that the words promise and I do not come out of my mouth in the same sentence. But when I say I will or I won't do something, you can just about take that to the bank. I will be truthful though, I almost went to a doctor this time around, it was pretty bad. I wanted to pay though, and with the guy working for me, I wanted to concentrate on certain problems. I have a few chronic problems that I just don't fell like dealing with right now. Like my breathing has improved, some kind of infection has been beat. But I still don't breathe quite right because I am a heavy smoker. I don't want to fucking hear it, I don't want patches or drugs dammit I want cagarettes. Period. Call me what you want, but I didn't askl you to pay for it so shaddap.
At any rate I never went. I am feeling quite a bit better now, although worse for the wear. My arms and legs are a bit emaciated and alot of my physical strength is gone, but there is nothing they can do about that. I know I have to build myself back up. It may be a stroke of luck that my ex-sparring partner has to move soon. Maybe we will star working out again, might even let him move in. He's got his choice of the van or the basement. If I got back to where i was years ago at age fifty it would be a miracle. I turn 49 on Tuesday.
I am a bit lax on my diet, but I was fine last time. Living on pizza, burritos and hot sauce I could lift the back end of a car. I could throw pieces of furniture up on a flatbed truck with the bed about chest high to me. I could let a two hundred pound Man stand on my chest as I lay there and smoke a cigarette. Also I could put my hands behind my back and put them together as if in prayer, or put them down on the floor (whole palms) in between my heels. I did not eat right before that, not really right. I was pretty bad, I was strong as hell and fast. I slapboxed plenty of people and only used one hand against their two, and beat them down stayting within the rules. And I was limber at the same time. I could bend in ways that half of the people couldn't when the were a teenager. I still do sometimes at work, but it hurts.
I want those old days back. I didn't have a gun handy because I simply didn't need one. If someone tried to rob me they would be very sorry. I was also fast enough to grab a gun in someone else's hand and at least keep them from shooting me. I had the world by the balls. And good money. I want those days back. My life is not over yet. I want my health back and in the endevor I might just keep you posted. I did not post what was going on for the lasgt few months because all I get from anyone is go to the doctor. Well now it is looking like I am beating this motherfucker, and I did it alone.
That is one of the things I take pride in, not asking nor recieving help, from anyone. I can't say that I can continue for the rest of my life that way, but so far so good, and I am sure as hell going to try.
You don't realize, I never sat "I promise", but my word is my bond. If I sat "I'll be there" if I am not I am in jail or the morgue. And the morgue, I no longer fear death. That makes me especially dangerous, if I want to be. But I am thankful for the the wisdom not to want to be. I do not want to be feared. I want to be liked. Like getting a piece of ass in the past, I had to tell people "I don't want to be allowed, I want to be wanted". There is a big difference, to me at least.
I just thought that if I come in here and bitch about the bad days, complaining and ranting, matbe I should balance that out a bit when things go well. They did for the last couple days. now I just have to get ready for the impeding doom I guess. Murphy's law dictates that something is going to go wrong, and it is strictly enforced around here. But Murphy himself )and I am not kidding) told me that you make your own luck. Want a ride somewhere ? I drive like it is a driving test ALL THE TIME now. I won't even turn the stereo up. And the car stereo scares me, first of all it is intermittent and decided to work. But on top of that it is getting pretty good reception on 98.1, which is quite hard to get here. A very good hillbilly station. And the AC is working in the car, as well as the delay wipers. Up until May, I hadn;t had a car with both working for abotu ten years at least.
There;s one thing about me, I have changed. Other doofuses can lose all the key and cellphones they want, call me for bail (which they won't get) and all that. But when things go good for them they relax, they kick back and enjoy it. But then the shit hits the fan and they usually caused it. I, on the other hand, when things go good I tend to be more careful. I want things to keep going well for me, and not getting wrapped up in it, and preparing for the worst is the best bet. It took me almost 49 years to learn the, so mark my words. There is nothing more true. People get a windfall and blowe it and the next month they are in a hell of a bad shape. They caused it, not me.
Like, some people say i drive too slow and some say I drive too fast. Even the same person has flip flopped on the subject. I drive how fast i drive, you want to know how fast that is ? It is the speed limit. I do not change, but their perception does. Drive the fucking speed limit or maybe up to five over, that'[s it. Stop at the stop signs and rd lights. Here's another one, the other day a light changed suddenly on me, and i stopped. People in the car were saying I should have just went through, until the cop car passed me and ran the red light after turning his lights on. I looked at them and, what now ?
One thing I can sat about life. I make 90 something percent of my problems, let me make them, I don't need any help. But it is my solutions that have kept me out of jail all these years. My friends run the gamut. One is so paranoid that he thinks they are coming to get him for child support. Bul shit. There are tens of thousands of unserved felony warrats in this state alone. Another knows how to deal with the system. He has people and could get bailed out but will not ask, unless there is a specific reason at the time, like a funeral, wedding or some sort of signing of papers or some shit like that. He is like me. He has made it clear to them the they are not getting anymore money, and since it is a money game now, he would have to kill someone to go to jail. They actuall threw him out of jail ! I figured this out. They won't take me either. The phone call, in the morning will be fine. Go ahead and tap the line, listen, record it and play it for the judge. I expect no bail, just letting you know I am here. I am not dead. That is all.
Really, they hear shit like that one time you will never see the inside of a jail again unless you get really bad, like beat someone up and put them in the hospital and shit. I can prove it. Their power does not emanate from the jail, it is the threat of jail. If you are not afraid of jail, it's like they are toothless. Call them the toothless tigers YAY. Don't forget they still have claws. Don't push your luck too far.
Let's put it this way, about half the cops in the districts where I drive know I don't have a license. They also know the money game is over with me. I cfan do just about whatevfer the fuck I want as long as I don't hurt anyone. I gopt stopped by the narcs. They looked at my pile of cigarett packs on the floor and said "Ypu, he's been doing this for a while". So with thirteen warrants they let me go. They let ME go, all they gave me was one ticket because i had an open beer and was driving. Reread that last sentence. You, with all your insurance, fancy licens and all that, I would bet you would be in jail, even without the thirteen warrants I had at the time. Of course now I got abot twenty warrants, you know how much I care ? I am more interested in winning the gold medal in Womwen's gymnastics at the olympics.
As said in one of my cult movies Putney Swope, "You gotta know the rules to break the rules" . This is true. You have to know what you are doing and the possible consequences. And of course the odds of getting caught.
You may think I am kidding but I am not. As they tighten the gauntlet and take awat every basic freedom you think you have, alot more people will be thinking this way. When they accuse you of driving too fast because of drinking coffee, don't come crying to me. When the insurance refuses to pay because you forgot to buckle up, I can't let that be my problem. I hope you understand. I can instruct you on how to handle it, but I can't represent you in court. I could be an amicus, but that's about it.
If you insist enough you can make them let me be your lawyer, but I would not recommend that, especially outside of Ohio. What I have learned about how to handle these people varies from state to state, I can't know everything. In Ohio, I can probably do it, this is my environment, and where I learned. Somewhere else I might be as useful as balls on a vampire bat.
All in all though, things are looking up a bit. people who were begging me to go to the doctor are now commenting thart I look better, I am walking better, and that authoritarian tone is returning to my voice. I am beating this and I am not going to stop now. The only big problem is that now I seem to have developed a cataract in my right ye. That was my better eye, and unless I become someone who takes, it will be $1,500 to fix it, how about some donations ? LOL.
I can't bitch. Looking back life hasn'[t treated me all that bad. I have read evidence of that right here on CM. Families fighting over inheritance, bad divorces, all that shit. I am not religious, but to express this I say I have been blessed with a good family. They accept me how I am and do whatever they can for me. I try to do likewise of course. The olman dies. My sinister wants something and I just tell her "Take it". We are not really materialistic. Whatever greed we may have is not directed at one another, but to the rest of the world.
As much as I try to smooth it all out, there are still good days and bad days. I see most people these days as being borderline manic depressive or bipolar, and I think it's true that they are. So I moderate myself during the good times as well as the bad, so far so good. But I am still not perfect at it. Maybe I never will be. Maybe noone will, maybe it is impossible.
Rigfht now I feel like playing Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Lucky Man. But it is five in the morjning here nd I better make it to work tomorrow, plus the fact with these speakers I might piss off some of the neighbors. So I am going to bed.
If you got down to this point, thanks for reading, I guess this is a reverse rant. But when somkeone actually reads it, it's like it is validated somehow, know what I mean ? It is a bit hard to explain.
I go now, see you tomorrow, errrrr today, errr whatever.
T
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