Not sure what forum this is right in...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Not sure what forum this is right in...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Not sure what forum this is right in...

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 8:42:04 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

I kinda have an off topic...topic but I want as much feedback as possible... My Daddy and I are in a D/s relationship but some of His kinks don't really do well with me. I sometimes pay an emotional price at times...even when I know He is still holding back. We are in a one on one relationship but have talked about polyplay... However when W/we start making a real effort to make this happen it has a negative effect on me. I love Him deeply but at the same-time I want and need to be true to myself.... I'm thinking that one solution that would let U/us both get what W/we need is to just ask Him if He wants to go buy what He sometimes needs. This way I don't feel threaten with the other woman but He does not have to give up somethings He really enjoys from time to time. I know that He does not need my permission to do this but I think REAL trust comes from having EVERYTHING out in the open... Have any of you asked your partner to get some of there needs met through other means other then you...without it being a relationship with another person?
Thanks!!
Be Well
sidney

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 8:57:18 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Yeah my ex was a switch, i am not, I said he could pay (as he used to) or see someone else, he said he didnt need to, but I kinda think he was a lying sod

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 10:10:46 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Have any of you asked your partner to get some of there needs met through other means other then you...without it being a relationship with another person?

Yes, Carol & I both have. In hindsight, it was not a wise move although we managed to weather the storm that it caused and, in fact, come out stronger on the other side.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 10:37:45 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

no....this slave hasn't...and neither has He. she can't speak for why He hasn't, but will try to explain why she hasn't.

this slave strives to fulfill His desires by submitting to Him, submitting to His kinks/wishes/fantasies/expectations. the submitting to Him is the important part, for this slave...not the specific, particular activity we are engaging in. it would make no sense to ask Him to buy or obtain submission from another woman for whatever activity He wanted to engage in...that's what He already has a willing and able slave for.

now, if His desires included enjoying a male partner, or multiple partners, obviously that would be impossible for this slave to accomplish, so others would have to be involved---however, He doesn't do casual, so they would have to have some sort of relationship. all of which is fine and dandy for this slave, even though she isn't wired for same-sex sexual fun or poly, because she doesn't limit Master as to what He can or cannot do...or who He can or cannot be in a relationship with.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 10:50:36 AM

maia09

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline

Personally, i think this goes with "get to know the person you are going to have a relationship with". This includes potential kinky fantasies and talking about them at length to see if there's something your partner would really like to try, but is afraid to admit because it may alienate you, or it's something that is just fantasy. Unfortunately, too often people find themselves in your position. For me, our relationship is clear and there is one thing that would be a deal breaker - that is bringing in others. But that's us.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 12:53:28 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I would say that for me going outside the relationship is a deal breaker. If someone wants me then they get me...and no one else. I try to make this perfectly clear from the beginning.

If you think you can do the this where he plays outside of your relationship with a professional I guess the only thing you can do is try it out and see how it goes. I think your point of having everything out in the open is a good one.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/10/2009 4:31:41 PM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for the feedback.... They all have been helpful..
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to lizi)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/11/2009 3:04:56 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I kinda have an off topic...topic but I want as much feedback as possible... My Daddy and I are in a D/s relationship but some of His kinks don't really do well with me. I sometimes pay an emotional price at times...even when I know He is still holding back. We are in a one on one relationship but have talked about polyplay... However when W/we start making a real effort to make this happen it has a negative effect on me. I love Him deeply but at the same-time I want and need to be true to myself.... I'm thinking that one solution that would let U/us both get what W/we need is to just ask Him if He wants to go buy what He sometimes needs. This way I don't feel threaten with the other woman but He does not have to give up somethings He really enjoys from time to time. I know that He does not need my permission to do this but I think REAL trust comes from having EVERYTHING out in the open... Have any of you asked your partner to get some of there needs met through other means other then you...without it being a relationship with another person?
Thanks!!
Be Well
sidney

I believe that both people’s needs must be met in order for a relationship to grow. I hope that I would have made, through extensive conversation with my potential, an informed decision with regards to wants. For me, my wants are secondary when compared to the emotional security of my partner.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/11/2009 10:43:30 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

I have put more thought into this and I find that I'm once again selling myself short. Sometimes my submissive side will put my Daddy's happiness before my well-being. I truly wish now I never said anything.. I kinda gave Him cookies then took them back before He was able to eat any of them. Not that He would have even taken me up on the offer. I did all this through email because I still have difficulty communicating the hard stuff....... I hope I did not cause any issue with Him..

Be Well
sidney

(in reply to Acer49)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/11/2009 1:16:16 PM

SouthernSpankin

Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I have put more thought into this and I find that I'm once again selling myself short. Sometimes my submissive side will put my Daddy's happiness before my well-being. I truly wish now I never said anything.. I kinda gave Him cookies then took them back before He was able to eat any of them. Not that He would have even taken me up on the offer. I did all this through email because I still have difficulty communicating the hard stuff....... I hope I did not cause any issue with Him..
Be Well
sidney

The Daddy/lil girl dynamic often encourages a great deal of special intimacy and love between the two. Like you wrote in your profile: your "relationship is truly a gift and I have never felt so close to anyone before." So it's not surprising that the pursuit of polyplay with another woman has had a negative effect on you and made you feel an emotional price. But it was adorable of you to love Daddy so deeply that you were open to polyplay with another woman in the first place, and then open to Daddy going to buy that on his own so you didn't feel threatened by the other women. And it is also adorable that you ultimately aren't comfortable with anything but having Daddy all to yourself because of the deep personal intimacy and love you both share. Also, your profile says you love spanking, which is very common in Daddy/lil girl relationships. You could tell him that you deserve to be spanked for you not wanting Daddy to have girls other than you pleasing him sexually. That would be adorable as well. All that is just my random two cents.

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 8/11/2009 1:18:20 PM >

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/12/2009 7:03:30 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for your input SS. I'm finding that all this depends on what kind of mood I'm in at the moment. LOL
If I'm feeling secure then the idea of Him getting some of His needs met through other means is ok.. This is just something I will have to ponder for a while to wade through how I truly feel. I have talked with other people about this and the responses I have received are from one extreme to the other. I'm learning that what is most important is what will work for U/us. Being new I often look to others for advice. I have also been a kind of person that wants and needs to look at the BIG picture.. And I change my mind often.

Be Well
sidney

(in reply to SouthernSpankin)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/12/2009 7:20:48 AM

Drakontos

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I kinda have an off topic...topic but I want as much feedback as possible... My Daddy and I are in a D/s relationship but some of His kinks don't really do well with me. I sometimes pay an emotional price at times...even when I know He is still holding back. We are in a one on one relationship but have talked about polyplay... However when W/we start making a real effort to make this happen it has a negative effect on me. I love Him deeply but at the same-time I want and need to be true to myself.... I'm thinking that one solution that would let U/us both get what W/we need is to just ask Him if He wants to go buy what He sometimes needs. This way I don't feel threaten with the other woman but He does not have to give up somethings He really enjoys from time to time. I know that He does not need my permission to do this but I think REAL trust comes from having EVERYTHING out in the open... Have any of you asked your partner to get some of there needs met through other means other then you...without it being a relationship with another person?Thanks!!
Be Well
sidney

In zaphira's relationship, Master does not inform this slave of what he does or does not do outside of direct contact with zaphira.

However, Master and zaphira do NOT have a sexual relationship. zaphira knows that his needs are met through other means in this area. However, zaphira does not ask how, where, or with who; and Master does not volunteer such information to his property.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/12/2009 8:26:58 AM

housemouseinoz

Posts: 83
Joined: 2/3/2009
Status: offline

I think there are many that possibly feel similar feelings, as you do Sidney,
I don't share

However i know my Sir would like to see me play with another. This is something i have never done, and i'm not sure i could go through with it, but he does not push me on it, just mentions it now and again, you know plant the seed, see how it grows. Emotionally it would mess with me to see him play with someone else, He knows this. I think the only way i could come to terms with it, is if we did not know her (we paid for her services) and He and she did not play together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I kinda have an off topic...topic but I want as much feedback as possible... My Daddy and I are in a D/s relationship but some of His kinks don't really do well with me. I sometimes pay an emotional price at times...even when I know He is still holding back. We are in a one on one relationship but have talked about polyplay... However when W/we start making a real effort to make this happen it has a negative effect on me. I love Him deeply but at the same-time I want and need to be true to myself.... I'm thinking that one solution that would let U/us both get what W/we need is to just ask Him if He wants to go buy what He sometimes needs. This way I don't feel threaten with the other woman but He does not have to give up somethings He really enjoys from time to time. I know that He does not need my permission to do this but I think REAL trust comes from having EVERYTHING out in the open... Have any of you asked your partner to get some of there needs met through other means other then you...without it being a relationship with another person?
Thanks!!
Be Well
sidney

_____________________________

Guide me into a brand new day
In Your eyes You know i've found my place

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Not sure what forum this is right in... - 8/13/2009 4:26:26 AM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

I once dated a guy where his Big fantasy was 2 women at once.. I know, big surprise.

Anyway I did hire a woman to met us. He got really scared and I truly had to take his hand and walk him through it.. LOL My point is the fact that she was all about the money did truly help with any insecurities I had.

I'm still pondering the best avenue for my Daddy and I. The thought of the day is (it might change..*grin*) maybe if W/we can form a relationship with another local couple that I know is ONLY looking for play partners and NOT a love connection. One of my big hang ups is fear that another woman will give Him something that I can't right now..and maybe He would leave. It's nothing He has ever said or anything. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my past crap. Also I need to maybe rewire my brain's ideas about sex. I have a hard time separating sex from love. Does that make since?
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to housemouseinoz)

Profile

Post #: 14