Going From Conventional to D/s

Going From Conventional to D/s (Full Version)

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kyraofMists -> Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 3:34:24 PM)
This is an extremely subjective question that will not have a common answer, but I am interested in your own personal perspective. It is a rather academic question for me that I thought of over the weekend. Which would you find easier, an already established conventional relationship that starts having a more D/s structure or a relationship that starts out with a formal D/s structure? For those who may have experienced both what are the different challenges to each? Knight's kyra

PlayfulOne -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 3:59:12 PM)
My current relationship started in a D/s structure from the begining and for me I think it is easier than the times I had a "normal" relationship which moved into the D/s area. We were both better prepared to deal with the structure and D/s interaction. The times I have moved into one it was a more difficult process reshaping the rules and roles of the relationship. K

slavejali -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 4:21:50 PM)
That's an interesting question, here are my thoughts, well first some background: As you all probably know by now, Master and i met on the internet. We had both been in previous rl Master/slave relationships so the concept, dynamics of it, play aspects of it, life of it, wasnt new to us. During our chatting phase we talked a lot about our previous experience and previous relationships. We talked a lot about what we desired in a Master/slave relationship. We talked a lot about what we enjoyed, what we didnt etc etc etc. When I first started chatting with Master I hadnt been in a Master/slave relationship for around 5 years. In fact, I thought that part of my life was over. I didnt think I missed it, I didnt think much about it at all actually...well maybe a thought or two over those few years..grin As i talked to the man who would become my Master, all my slave longings started to awaken again, the lifestyle that I thought I hadnt missed suddenly seemed to be filling up this gap in me I didnt even know was there...i started to be so filled with desire and longing again for the life I had known before as slave. By the time Master and I met, i was so filled with desire, every cell of my being just wanted to submit to him and serve him and please him, even thinking about it now tears well in my eyes. I needed it so badly. To my shock, when we finally met, Master was on the go slow. He informed me that He didnt just want a slave, he wanted a lasting relationship. This sent me into all kinds of confusion. I didnt know what to do, what to say or how to act. i had expected him to come roaring into my life and take me, completely....i dont really know what it was i imagined that should have happened, but whatever it was, it didnt. He took me along a road of romance. He picked flowers for me as we were walking along, danced with me in the street, left love notes on my pillow, cooked me gourmet dinners. He told me to get up when i kneeled, cuddled me watching movies, He never pushed me to do anything. He kept telling me "There is no need to rush, we have all the time in the world" Since coming together rl two years ago, we have since been married. In that time, He has walked me down a path that has made me "His" rather than my own concept of what it was to be a slave by establishing an undercurrent of the Master/slave relationship through a process of natural unfoldment rather than one arranged and imposed. Kneeling has become more profound, doing things for him have been given more meaning, submitting to him because he is my Master has become real beyond my own ideologies. Yes, I called Him "Master" from the beginning, yet now, He really is my Master. So, to answer the topic question: I found it incredibly incredibly frustrating to walk a conventional type start to our relationship, a less structured Master/slave path, or what i percieved to be as less structured, when all the while all i needed to do was submit, surrender to whatever path Master lead me on...he has taken me to a beautiful place within our Master/slave relationship and we are still walking....so looking back...it was good and probably the best way for Master to have handled it. I think the challenges were in my own mind, overcoming expectations that would have had me topping from the bottom. Damn i hope i have explained this well... The plusses to the path of slavery Master took me on is I can relax and be myself all the while feeling the tug of my invisible leash that is always there..and the "yank" when Master so chooses. I guess our little story, isnt exactly a great example of moving from conventional to a D/s dynamic..ie. we both had vast experience in previous Master/slave relationships...we both knew where it was heading...etc etc...but somehow..it fits with this topic.

aurora31 -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 5:08:30 PM)
While I can't really say I have much experiance one way or the other. I think that for myself I would do much better starting with a D/s or M/s dynamic then a conventional one. If things started out conventional it seams to me that it would become very dificult to unlearn established patterns of interaction. If you start out with the D/s or M/s dynamic you start to establish patterns conductive to that type of dynamic. Although I do apperciate the need to take things one step at a time. I know someone else will come along and be able to say this much better then me but I hope my point is understood at least aurora

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 5:18:15 PM)
Ive had relationships both ways ...its all in how its presented and truelly any new relationship requires all new training to the new owner.

truesub4u -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 6:03:48 PM)
Kyra... I so do love it when you post a thinker on here.... I've stated before on here.. that Master and I started out in a vanilla relationship. And later when he was ready, he allowed me knowledge of his Dom side. At first... I admit, I was kinda pist off about it. I felt this really wasn't something that shouldn't of been kept from me. Unless of course he was actually non active. At the time of our meeting, I was non active myself. I had kinda figured my life as a submissive was at an end. Master says as he watched me, he seen my submissiveness and decided I would be a worthy submissive to him. But because I did not ... out myself to him.. so to speak. He didn't out himself to me either. So our relationship started out casually. Now sometimes... I have trouble with knowing if... Master doesn't really want me as a submissive.... as much as he wants me as his wife. There's nothing wrong with our relationship.... as vanilla standards go. Before finding the M/s portion of our relationship... things were terrific. I could slip a little submissiveness into the sexual portion... and felt he wasn't taking notice... just enjoying .... WRONG!!!.. LOL Now that I know he's a Dom... and he knows I'm a submissive... I find myself... torn between the two sides more times than not. Whenever i see him... I find myself hoping that today he's going to finally take full control of our relationship. And be the Master I long for... And then I see he's still the man I met. My problem is.. being in love with both .... the man I met and fell in love with before knowing...... and the Master that told me he wanted me as his property. ARGHHHHHHHHHh this can be so frustrating at times.... LOL We've talked a few times about the BDSM that is in our lives. I get the feeling he doesn't want it there all the time... where I do want it there. He doesn't say anything either way. And it's my own fault for not asking out right too. I just don't know where our relationship as M/s goes.. is going. All though.... as soon to be husband and wife... (July 15th to be exact).. is going great. I just have to figure out..... (Like real fast!!!!!)..... just where it's all going. I so do not want to give up my life as a submissive.... but I also see it slipping away from me more and more. OK kyra... I so took a different path here.. LOL You got me to thinking again... and with me knowing this can be dangerous for myself..I should of walked away from this thread...... LOL Think I better go get up with Master... and have a talk with him... hugs to you kyra.... and thank you... your post was very much needed... and welcomed... to this one anyways. jessica Edited to add..... Master just informed me after reading this post... I was mistaken..and I should of spoken up. Of course I've tried not to add to his stress level by bothering him.. he's recovering from being shot in the throat back Dec. But it appears Master is Master... and I'm his property after all... grinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Oh and he also stated... it's not just our wedding (for the kids and family members)... it will be my collaring as well...bigger grinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wonder where the links are for collaring/wedding ceremonies are.... and attire when mixing both.. for friends and family of both active and non active attend such things?

SweetEscravo -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 6:08:50 PM)
I think that having a relationship prior is really good because you can get to know each other as normal people. Then, if the need for D/s is there, you can begin to incorporate that in as well. I prefer it with both friends and partners just because I like to know the vanilla person behind the domliness. Of course, when you get to know each other through the D/s community, the awkward conversations don't have to happen where you are explaining your strange needs to a vanilla who is getting more and more scared lol.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 7:56:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists This is an extremely subjective question that will not have a common answer, but I am interested in your own personal perspective. It is a rather academic question for me that I thought of over the weekend. Which would you find easier, an already established conventional relationship that starts having a more D/s structure or a relationship that starts out with a formal D/s structure? For those who may have experienced both what are the different challenges to each? Knight's kyra Goody a two-parter. Nice to see a thought question from the progeny :) I've done both. Establishing a Ds dynamic right off: Less messy in terms of expectations. You at least have something of a roadmap to work on, you don't have to cut your own trail. The bad part of this is you can become too mired down on "who you should be" versus simply just being who you are (which is why you became involved with them to begin with). Relationship that evolves into a Ds dynamic: Shifts are tough in all relationships, but you've already, in theory, got the hard work of establishing communication and becoming entwined into eachothers lives already. It's also very exciting to start something like this TOGETHER in a "new life." Also, because you really are cutting your own path, I find you can "break the rules" a lot more easily.

kyraofMists -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 8:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Nice to see a thought question from the progeny :) I don't think you could have paid me a higher compliment than that. He is the person I admire the most, though I am not blind to his faults. Thank you. Kyra

kyraofMists -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 8:09:34 PM)
My pleasure jessica; glad that it opened a conversation with you and your master. Kyra

KnightofMists -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 8:09:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I don't think you could have paid me a higher compliment than that. He is the person I admire the most, though I am not blind to his faults. Thank you. Kyra What you mean I have faults...... OH yeah... that's right... you and alandra still are not perfect, but we are working on that G

brightspot -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/22/2006 8:41:34 PM)
For myself I would prefer going into a relationship with the desire for a D/s dynamic there already. Much less complicated and honest from the start, knowing I don't desire a vanilla one anymore. *Brightspot

OscarHargraves -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 8:24:24 AM)
For me conventional to D's would be a LOT easier.

HisGirl8 -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 8:44:14 AM)
This is an interesting topic... For us we were a "conventional"/ sorta vanilla couple when we got together but we did talk about this side of ourselves on our very first date. I think knowing it was "on the table" made it easier. We've always had very D/s roles in our relationship even before this became a serious thing for us. I will say though that I'm glad there is a very strong base of freindship, honesty, and communictaion. It's made this journey all the more staisfying. We've taken it at our own pace- nothing about this relationship has been slow but that's just who we are. It's been wonderful and I expect it to grow beautifully.

denika -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 9:24:50 AM)
Hmmm easing into it or walking into it. Good question. Rob and I have a 50/50 relationship, he is far from being vanilla but we have only played at D/s. For him it's roleplay, he's not comfortable being completly in charge. I found that entering into Knight's House as his bottom was an eye opener. For me, it was easier to enter into an already pre-existing D/s (Master/Slave, Top/bottom-pick your term) relationship. My role there is diffrent than alandra and kyra's but the role I have is one I cherish and can learn something new each time I am in His presence. I think too, how each person learns will have an impact on how they perceive change. Slow and gradual to jumping in with both feet. Either way as long as it works for the individuals involved, all the better. denika

ownedgirlie -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 9:37:17 AM)
Walked right into it here. Felt his power in our first conversation. my submission to him has been the focus over all other activity. It was only after he had significant trust in me that he began sharing more of his vanilla world.

MTslave -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 9:57:46 AM)
I am currently involved in both types of relationships. I have the 'conventional/nilla relationship with my husband and my D/s relationship with my Master (my husband and I have an open relationship so I guess it's not THAT conventional but as far as BDSM aspects it is). People have often asked me why I don't just move my relationship with my husband into a D/s lifestyle and then I wouldn't have to have two men in my life. It is simple. I can not even begin to fathom having that kind of relationship with my husband. We have been together so long and it's been this way for so many years that even the thought of it makes me chuckle. Now why some might ask? I have no clue. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my husband isn't overly dominant, although he can be. Another is in how he was raised. I wear the pants in this family. I make the decisions I rule the roost. I hate it but it's the way it is. That all more then likely feeds my need of submission. All in all I think that there are just those relationships that are meant to stay nilla and those that could never be anything but. My relationship with my Master is that way. I'm not sure he and I could even be friends because of his natural domination and my natural submission. Thats just the type of people we are. All kinds make up the world. Some do and can... some can't and won't. I myself know how lucky I am to have a husband that is understanding of my lifestyle needs and allows me to be involved. Not much of an answer but my own two cents. humbled MTs slave

PWillow -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 10:10:44 AM)
I have been reading this post and have learned a lot. My last relationship was Vinella and it was when I was understanding my submissiveness. So I think I realy should have told her more and well might have been different. So now I look for a D/s lady. Jessica, your post was very nice, that wedding/collaring would be very interesting to watch.[;)]

kyraofMists -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 3:27:18 PM)
denika, Watching your interactions with Rob and my Lord over the weekend is what prompted this question. I noticed the differences in your response to when my Lord gives you an instruction and when Rob gives you instructions. It made me wonder if it would be harder to take a conventional relationship and introduce a more formal D/s structure to it or to just start the relationship with a formal D/s structure. As you have seen it is not always easy to be a slave to Knight, but I do not think that either he or I could ever have a conventional relationship with each other. The structure we have resonates with both of us and I for one know that I would not be happy with a conventional relationship. Kyra

Slipstreme -> RE: Going From Conventional to D/s (2/23/2006 4:55:23 PM)
I would prefer to grow with a partner into a D/s relationship, as I am doing with skunk. I just don't think you really know who someone is unless you spend enough time with them. If it happens, it happens. Sometimes though, the chemistry doesn't work out. Part of the reason I had to leave my last partner was because he was vanilla, through and through, and I was not. I knew that then, even though it was before I had a label for it.

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