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Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 10:27:10 PM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		I was looking through a lot of the different dominant women near my area and while some seem very interesting, a lot of them seem like man hating FemiNazi sexist supremists who honestly think that men aren't even human beings.

Is this a big common theme?  Are most female dominants like this?  Are male dominants the same way, but in reverse?

If it is, then I've suddenly just become -really- turned off by domination =/

Are there different "types" of dominants that can be generally classified, or do most share this sense of... misandrism?


< Message edited by VanIsleKnight -- 8/11/2009 10:30:36 PM >

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 10:40:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		It's a pretty common theme among pro-Dommes (though not all pros do that, and some lifestyle ones do). Most of the Dommes who post here don't have that approach at all, and actively dislike men who do the "worthless worm" spiel.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 10:42:59 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

I was looking through a lot of the different dominant women near my area and while some seem very interesting, a lot of them seem like man hating FemiNazi sexist supremists who honestly think that men aren't even human beings.

Is this a big common theme?  Are most female dominants like this?  Are male dominants the same way, but in reverse?

If it is, then I've suddenly just become -really- turned off by domination =/

Are there different "types" of dominants that can be generally classified, or do most share this sense of... misandrism?



Don't worry. In real life, women who are genuinely like that are exceedingly rare. And you're unlikely to meet them in most local kink communities, because nobody really wants them around and they typically don't feel welcome.

Sounds to me as though you just had the bad luck to stumble across an unusually heavy infestation of pro dommes. And particularly inept pro dommes at that, if they're still working that antiquated sterotyped script.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 10:47:22 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

It's a pretty common theme among pro-Dommes (though not all pros do that, and some lifestyle ones do). Most of the Dommes who post here don't have that approach at all, and actively dislike men who do the "worthless worm" spiel.



Its a pretty common theme in BDSM porn, that people then apply to Pro-Dommes when actually most are not at all 'men hating', indeed the common theme in that regard is that they are man loving. There are a few bad apples of course, but generally on profiles it is the equivalent to 'kneel bitch' men, clueless folk.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 11:03:29 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I figured as much, but there are apparently quite a few FemDoms who advertise here who *do* use that stereotype. *shrugs*

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 11:14:13 PM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Mm... alright, that's a bit of a relief.  Still, it'd be nice to find the ones that -wouldn't- take pleasure in obliterating my self-esteem and personality.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 11:26:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There are all kinds.  Usually, those who actually do conform to the 'typical Domme' persona aren't worth the time.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 11:34:10 PM   
MissAnimus


Posts: 91
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight
I was looking through a lot of the different dominant women near my area and while some seem very interesting, a lot of them seem like man hating FemiNazi sexist supremists who honestly think that men aren't even human beings..


I'm not like that. However, many (most?) of the men who message me are looking for that type of woman. I think you've just happened to run into the pro dommes who cater to that type of male fantasy. If you dig a little deeper you'll find many different types of female dominants.

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/11/2009 11:39:37 PM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I'm solidly in the category of finding the "worthless worm" spiel obnoxious, no matter who has the attitude about themselves or someone else. Blech. If he's so worthless, why would I waste my time?

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 12:25:07 AM   
VanityFix


Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline 		i think it could be a newbie thing more than pro domme or w/e

you have newbie sub male types who aproach as the "pathetic worm" so wouldnt it be logical for a new domme type to aproach with the "feminazi" attitude, id personally ignore both untill they become a bit more self confident in roles and drop the act. also profiles like that could just be used to scare off the creeps around here,

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 12:43:36 AM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Or entice them. :P

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 12:55:07 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Are you getting this impression from profiles or from contacting them via cmail? If it is mostly the latter (I suspect it is), then you should look at two things:
1. Who you are approaching. If you are concentrating on the ones with the professional hottie model-type pics whose profiles talk about nothing but kink, you are likely to run into more scammers than actual dommes. This isn't a universal "rule" by any means, but it is worth looking at. If you are looking for a relationship, concentrate on the profiles that talk about who she is, nilla interests, that kind of thing.
2.How you approach them. Most females on this site get LOTS of mail, much of it from wankers of one sort or another. If your initial letter contains a list of your kinks, offers to "serve" her that only involve kink, or otherwise comes off as you seeing the domme as a life support system for a flogger, you are VERY likely to get shot down by a domme who wants to be seen as a woman first.

Oh, and to answer your question. The male Dom version of "You are a lowly worm" is the bazillion "On your knees, bitch" emails us female subs get. While it works for some, most of us react.... rather poorly to that approach.


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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 1:22:44 AM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		I figured it was the approach, though to be fair there was only one woman on here that I have contacted thus far.  Messed up on a detail and felt like a silly little fool afterwards.

Now the problem is that I haven't the faintest idea on how to approach a matter like this.  At least not the faintest idea that seems to work, or perhaps I just haven't spoken with the right women (as this is a mild problem in life as well).  In life, I tend to come across as a friend and get branded as such nigh immediately.  Online, I do not want to come across as a pervert, but I do not want to come across as boring.  Since I live a relatively boring life however, I do not know what to say.  I thoroughly dislike talking about myself and I especially hate trying to "sell" myself, but I concede that is what I must do with a first impression.

I blame being young and introverted for several years.  I've become better then I was, far better, and shall thoroughly look forward to 30, but as it stands right now... I fail one of Sun Tzu's tests and consider myself defeated before I even begin.  This is due to comparing myself to the thousands of men that I have to compete with, many who are either better looking, better equipped, or more financially stable then I am.  I am utterly average in almost every regard when you think of a guy in his early twenties.

That however is my defeatist attitude talking.  I am still affected by it though, and sadly cannot forsee any Domme to accept me as I am.  I understand this is most likely a confidence issue talking, but all the same...


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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 1:45:41 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

I fail one of Sun Tzu's tests and consider myself defeated before I even begin.  This is due to comparing myself to the thousands of men that I have to compete with, many who are either better looking, better equipped, or more financially stable then I am.  I am utterly average in almost every regard when you think of a guy in his early twenties.

That however is my defeatist attitude talking.  I am still affected by it though, and sadly cannot forsee any Domme to accept me as I am.  I understand this is most likely a confidence issue talking, but all the same...

OK, this is what you need to work on. Like it or not, most lifestyle dommes that want a relationship are NOT looking for a lowly worm, nor do they want someone who sees himself as having nothing special to offer. They want someone worthy of them. If you cannot see that in yourself, then they won't see it in you, either.

Read more of the forums to see what the lovely ladies here are looking for, and take the time to think about who you are and what you have to offer. Everyone is good at something (or several somethings), and new skills can be learned. Have a bit of patience. Work on yourself and your self esteem while you learn about the lifestyle and how to attract the kind of domme who will be a good match. There's no rush, trust me on that. :)

Good Luck!


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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 2:20:25 AM   
VanIsleKnight


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, I by no means consider myself worthless.  I'm fairly experienced in a few different areas and tend to live life rather well, it is a nagging worry that afflicts me from time to time though.  And again, I tend to compare myself to every other man looking for a Domme, and I know that there are -many-.  What do I have to offer?

Well, I am caring and affectionate.  That's in the bedroom and out of it.  I also have a fair sense of humour and like being a little silly.  I don't think that's enough though, so perhaps I will be waiting a year or so anyways while living my life until I do find someone.  It just irritates my desire to be with someone, my desire to be dominated, and my hormones :P

It also doesn't help that most Dommes it looks like are only looking for tributes, which to me = money in exchange for domination.  =/


< Message edited by VanIsleKnight -- 8/12/2009 2:21:59 AM >

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 4:26:36 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Well, I am caring and affectionate. That's in the bedroom and out of it. I also have a fair sense of humour and like being a little silly. I don't think that's enough


It isn't, but I'd bet a dollar that's not 'all' you have to offer. Think outside the box, dude.

Go back to your childhood, think about things that you liked to do back then and see if they can be utilized as skill sets today.

Did you like to color and if so, did you stay inside the lines or outside the lines?

Inside the lines, you're able to conform and stay within the rules and boundaries your dom will set for you. That's a skill.

Outside the lines? You're a free thinker and can come up with creative scenarios to entertain your dominant. That's a skill.

Did you stay inside the lines but use blue to color your horse instead of a standard horsey color? That's artistic and can be used to help your dominant decorate, plan an unusuall party or help her with her Halloween costume. All skills that 'someone' will appreciate.


Maybe you enjoyed board games or card games as a kid. Did you always win at monopoly? A financial wiz in the offing is a great skill set to offer a dominant in the form of keeping her tax records organized, making sure she's got enough change and small bills available for vending machines and things of that nature. Maybe you sucked at Monopoly but were brillant at Risk instead. That's means you have an ability to look at the big picture and strategize the best future moves. That interest can turn into an ability to help your dominant with long term planning. Are you good at chess? Maybe you can see how a small sacrifice now can result in a big gain later - helping a dominant who is in despair over a small loss is a great skill if you can show them how to turn that loss into a net advantage.

Almost everything that you like and can 'do' can be turned into something that you can offer to a potential dominant.

Don't forget, too, that there are probably things that you will know that your dominant doesn't, so in addition to all the skills you already possess, you can teach your dominant some as well.. AND.. your dominant is going to teach you, too. Be open minded to the possibilities.

So, what can you do? Tie your shoes? How do you think all the great Shibari experts got their start?

They learned to tie their shoes.

Think outside that box, dude. It really works.





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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 6:40:28 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am actually a laid back kind of person with a good sense of humor. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole "man hating FemiNazi sexist supremists who honestly think that men aren't even human beings." I love men, in fact I love them so much that I own one.

I think a lot of the stereotypes that you find here are a projection of the porn industry and what a lot of sub males believe that a Domme "should be". But I've always walked my own path so it just is not my thing. There are nice human Dommes out there, you just have to keep looking.

~Lashra

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 7:03:37 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VanityFix

i think it could be a newbie thing more than pro domme or w/e

you have newbie sub male types who aproach as the "pathetic worm" so wouldnt it be logical for a new domme type to aproach with the "feminazi" attitude, id personally ignore both untill they become a bit more self confident in roles and drop the act. also profiles like that could just be used to scare off the creeps around here,



Your post reminded me of an incident in a Fem Domme club a couple of years ago. I was sat in jacuzzi listening to these two supposedly Dominant women talking. In walked a man in a school uniform and the first woman said to the other 'watch this and learn'. She approached the guy, took off his hat and threw it in the swimming pool. He protested as to why she had done that before she piped up 'you lowly little worm, look at you, your scum'. Once again he protested and tried to explain that he wasn't into that sort of humiliation but she wasn't listening and like lightening her hand came up and slapped his face. His reaction was to slap her back and in doing so he knocked her into the swimming pool.
I couldn't help but snigger before turning to her friend and saying 'did you learn something?'


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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 7:08:09 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I couldn't help but snigger before turning to her friend and saying 'did you learn something?'




Haha, you rock

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Types of Dommes? - 8/12/2009 7:12:59 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		XD

Domme = Companion, Friend, Mentor, Teacher.... Woman, and egad.... Human.

we are all humans here. I tend to see the Femanazis as robots.

Approach in a vanilla fashion. Be who you are. Kinks come second, in my opinion.


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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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