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I need some help - 2/22/2006 6:02:59 PM

Guest

HI all.

First off Im going to get right up front is that im very new to the scene here, and this is what is prompting me to make this post.

Bdsm is something I have been interested in for a long time but never really had partners that were willing to explore the lifestyle with me. Now through total fault of my own I didnt pursue it in times when I was unattatched.

Just recently I met a wonderful girl who one day in descussion brought up... Im a sub. Now at this point we had been getting on very well and needless to say was thrilled to find that I was interested. I spent many days asking questions about it reading information on the web about it.. she would send me links to check out.

Now after some time passed a great fondness delevloped between us and the eventual meeting was a certainty at this point, and the fact that we were going to involved as dom/sub was discussed and agreed to.

At this point I had already developed great respect and feelings for her. She is an amazing person in all aspects of her life. And she pleases me in all ways mentally/emotionally/physcally to no end.
I want nothing more then to make her happy in every way.

She is only able to tell me so much about how things should be shes unsure of what she enjoys... and things she does she has told me. Our first sessions have been big learning experiances for me and she is more then happy to be patient while I learn whats in myself.

Now my question...
As a first time for me.. I would like to know how all you Doms learned how to act? How to put aside what you knew before you got into the scene and took it up.
She has suggested that I find someone in my local scene ( we live in different cities and see each other as often as possible) to "apprentice" me so to speak so I can see how they behave and get pointers so to speak.

Now i have a bit of a issue with this as I am devoted to her and will not take on anyone else as long as shes with me, it would feel too much like I was "cheating" and betraying the trust we have developed. But I want to ensure I can give her everything she wants/needs and am afraid of doing something wrong.
** edit ** she means to apprentice or find a mentor as it were ** edit **
Any advise would be appreciated greatly
thank you all...

SyN

< Message edited by SYNister -- 2/22/2006 6:36:13 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 6:19:54 PM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
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I think what she may have meant is to find a local Top/Dom(me) to take you on as an apprentice. Or to be a Mentor to you...

If it isn't, it's still a good idea, lots learn(ed) that way.

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RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 6:34:36 PM

Guest

Humm i may not have been clear that is what she meant.., sorry for the confusion

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Post #: 3

RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 8:50:17 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

She has suggested that I find someone in my local scene ( we live in different cities and see each other as often as possible) to "apprentice" me so to speak so I can see how they behave and get pointers so to speak.

Now i have a bit of a issue with this as I am devoted to her and will not take on anyone else as long as shes with me

Contrary to what your experience is in this relationship subs don't usually train their own Doms. What she's trying to get you to do is grow a pair and take the reigns.

I'm one of those people that believes that you're either dominant or not. Reading, learning, & practicing are all important. It is actually possible to practice with floggers, ropes and other skills without a live partner. Just personal experience it's probably a good thing that pillows don't feel anything while you're learning to aim a flogger!!

Attending a munch and talking to female subs doesn't make them yours. There are lots of ways to meet others but most of who you are and what your relationship is are as varied as the number of people in the lifestyle. What drives one girl won't work on another and frankly, as seen on another thread, you can get quite agressive responses from subs to saying you're dominant and scraping on your knees in request of a mentor.

If you let our feelings get all hurt by a little critique from a stranger then you have more work to do. If you were female I'd tell you to take the feelings you have at the worst case of PMS harness them and use that energy. It's not about being the biggest bad ass, it's about an inner strength that it appears you're still searching for.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 2/22/2006 8:53:49 PM >

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RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 9:14:26 PM

Guest

I dont have them hurt at a little critique as you say Im in band as well and if i couldnt take it I wouldnt be in that either..

Any insight is good for me and I thank you. I agree you have to be dominate by nature and I am I have just got used to represing it to make life easier, which i know is a big contradiction in terms but thats me.. I look one way act another. project one mentality and hold another... I run my daily life in a effort to make it easier to deal with everyday life.

I dont know its hard to explain...

quote:

If you let our feelings get all hurt by a little critique from a stranger then you have more work to do. If you were female I'd tell you to take the feelings you have at the worst case of PMS harness them and use that energy. It's not about being the biggest bad ass, it's about an inner strength that it appears you're still searching for.

I may not be female but I have a good idea what you mean and how I can form it to fit.

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Post #: 5

RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 9:34:31 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

My take is that you're going to do okay. You're caring, concerned, and willing to learn.

Take your time, learn what works for both of you. Don't rush. Don't try to much at once.

Believe it or not, any time you take on someone new, it's a new experience for both.

As for steps:
- have her costume for you: nipple jewelry, gold dust, heels
- have her serve you dinner naked
- try bare-handed spankings
- light bondage (ropes, furr cuffs, no gags)
- have her kneel or crawl if it turns you both on
- try wrapping her in Saran wrap (hot in more ways than one)
- go over lists of things you want to try or the two of you make lists and choose

Really, I have a good feeling you will make a terrific dom and you can show her this.

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RE: I need some help - 2/22/2006 11:25:40 PM

Guest

Thank you for the advice....

some of what you have there I have already done...
as alternative to the saran wrap I have purchased a few rolls of bondage tape... not the same i know
But she has shown a interest in that so... she will be well taped atleast.

The going over a list Im trying to do with her but its difficult so I am steering her in other directions to compile it in other ways... is working fairly well so far.

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Post #: 7

RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 12:43:23 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

She has suggested that I find someone in my local scene ( we live in different cities and see each other as often as possible) to "apprentice" me so to speak so I can see how they behave and get pointers so to speak.

I think this is excellent advice. I'd also like to recommend "The Topping Book", perhaps "S/M 101" or "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" as secondary choices.

You have a wonderful attitude.. and that's half the battle right there. Best of luck to you both!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 12:55:29 AM

Guest

Will look into them thank you BitaTruble

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Post #: 9

RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 6:12:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Learn the difference between dominate and dominant.

Be yourself. Let your inner selfish crazy person out. You guys sound like you are communicating and you've got great advice here already, so just go and have fun with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 5:32:00 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

Learn the difference between dominate and dominant.

(squinting) Umm, looks like an 'n' and 'e' to me.

Not to mention domineering.

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RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 5:33:02 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

I think this is excellent advice. I'd also like to recommend "The Topping Book", perhaps "S/M 101" or "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" as secondary choices.

You have a wonderful attitude.. and that's half the battle right there. Best of luck to you both!

All us doms want to clone Truble.

(Happy birthday!)

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RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 6:11:05 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

as alternative to the saran wrap I have purchased a few rolls of bondage tape... not the same i know
But she has shown a interest in that so... she will be well taped atleast.

Saran wrap at $5 to totally wrap a large person is ALWAYS going to be cheaper than bondage tape. think pervables...things you can get at home depot or walmart are ALWAYS going to be cheaper than the kink store stuff. Also how does wrapping her because she wants it taking control??

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RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 7:18:02 PM

Guest

quote:

Also how does wrapping her because she wants it taking control??

It would be taking control becuase she enjoys being bound.. and if shes good she will be if not... then she wont (reward/punishment)

Your house hold items are definatly cheaper and more available the kink store tuff.. but I have no desire at this time to see her wrapped up... I like her bound and exposed to me. Maybe one day that will change but for now the tape which I use primarily to "tie" her breasts works well... I like that better the rope for that purpose.

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Post #: 14

RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 7:19:57 PM

Guest

quote:

All us doms want to clone Truble.

(Happy birthday!)

Ive read some of her posts I can see why.. lol and thank you!

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Post #: 15

RE: I need some help - 2/23/2006 7:26:10 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Also how does wrapping her because she wants it taking control??

It is if you add an unexpected twist....heh

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Post #: 16

RE: I need some help - 2/24/2006 1:24:58 PM

Guest

I just want to say thank you to everyone that has been posting in here.
You have all given me some great advise and alot to think about, it has helped greatly
Im glad I came here, and look forward to hopefully getting to know
some of the great people that frequent the boards!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 17

RE: I need some help - 2/24/2006 1:42:30 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SYNister

HI all.

First off Im going to get right up front is that im very new to the scene here, and this is what is prompting me to make this post.

Bdsm is something I have been interested in for a long time but never really had partners that were willing to explore the lifestyle with me. Now through total fault of my own I didnt pursue it in times when I was unattatched.

Just recently I met a wonderful girl who one day in descussion brought up... Im a sub. Now at this point we had been getting on very well and needless to say was thrilled to find that I was interested. I spent many days asking questions about it reading information on the web about it.. she would send me links to check out.

Now after some time passed a great fondness delevloped between us and the eventual meeting was a certainty at this point, and the fact that we were going to involved as dom/sub was discussed and agreed to.

At this point I had already developed great respect and feelings for her. She is an amazing person in all aspects of her life. And she pleases me in all ways mentally/emotionally/physcally to no end.
I want nothing more then to make her happy in every way.

She is only able to tell me so much about how things should be shes unsure of what she enjoys... and things she does she has told me. Our first sessions have been big learning experiances for me and she is more then happy to be patient while I learn whats in myself.

Now my question...
As a first time for me.. I would like to know how all you Doms learned how to act? How to put aside what you knew before you got into the scene and took it up.
She has suggested that I find someone in my local scene ( we live in different cities and see each other as often as possible) to "apprentice" me so to speak so I can see how they behave and get pointers so to speak.

Now i have a bit of a issue with this as I am devoted to her and will not take on anyone else as long as shes with me, it would feel too much like I was "cheating" and betraying the trust we have developed. But I want to ensure I can give her everything she wants/needs and am afraid of doing something wrong.
** edit ** she means to apprentice or find a mentor as it were ** edit **
Any advise would be appreciated greatly
thank you all...

SyN

Ok first off.... Seems you and I are in the same city. Are you involved into any of the scene here. There is alot going on in Edmonton, rather surprizing considering the size of the city. Good for you to have someone to learn with. Did you go to the Lupercalia Event this past weekend? There is two munches every month in edmonton, there is also a play party once a month. Calgary also has alot of things going on if you happen to be down that way. The point is you can meet alot of Doms if you choose too and gain some perspectives from them and not just be online.

if you wish to hook up for a chat and coffee... just send me a email!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: I need some help - 2/24/2006 4:38:12 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Synister...welcome!
We are Dominant by nature and it comes natural for us, so first off trust your instincts and impulses. Your submissive, I am fairly certain, meant for you to grab hold of a Mentor to learn from. Learn what? Not how to be a Dom, you are one! To learn the scene, the language, the lifestyle as it is represented in the Dungeons and the groups, proper BDSM ettiquite (never could spell that word), so you will feel comfortable, confident and able to make her as proud of you as you are of her.....in my opinion?

But, I'm wrong often!

Good luck and enjoy the journey, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: I need some help - 2/24/2006 5:09:28 PM

Guest

quote:

Ok first off.... Seems you and I are in the same city. Are you involved into any of the scene here. There is alot going on in Edmonton, rather surprizing considering the size of the city. Good for you to have someone to learn with. Did you go to the Lupercalia Event this past weekend? There is two munches every month in edmonton, there is also a play party once a month. Calgary also has alot of things going on if you happen to be down that way. The point is you can meet alot of Doms if you choose too and gain some perspectives from them and not just be online.

if you wish to hook up for a chat and coffee... just send me a email!

Knight... small world lol
No i didnt even know about the event untill today I was down at the B&D Emporium (sp?) and Steve, i think thats his name, told me about it. kinda bummed I missed it though.
I have been trying to find somethings around the city I could attend or look into thank you for the info.

Fastlane... you are quite right thats pretty much exactally what she ment. The more time I spend looking into it and just going over it in my head the Dom. in me is jumping to the surface in a big hurry no that Im allowing it out.. lol. And she is very excited for it... shes more excited each day.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 20