Advice on getting started as Sub (Full Version)

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LesterBurnham -> Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 7:55:23 PM)

By "accident", I met a dominatrix in Las Vegas who was bumped off the same flight I was. It inspired me to investigate my interest in being a submissive to a harsh dominating woman. I live in the Seattle WA area. How should I get started? What's your advice?



ShadeDiva -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 8:33:10 PM)

Read, ask questions, get to know your interests, really know yourself, learn your motivations and get involved with a local group.

Take your time, no matter how eager you are to jump right in, and learn as much as you can before you leap.

Best advice I can give.



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 8:36:10 PM)

thanks Shadediva. I will follow your good words.



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 8:42:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LesterBurnham

By "accident", I met a dominatrix in Las Vegas who was bumped off the same flight I was. It inspired me to investigate my interest in being a submissive to a harsh dominating woman. I live in the Seattle WA area. How should I get started? What's your advice?


My advice would be: Whatever you do, don't post another 'How do I get Started?' post.

Texas Maam



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 8:52:23 PM)

I regretted the goddam post about 2 minutes after I put it up. Note to self: don't post shit on the internet when you're tired. Thanks Tex.



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 8:56:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LesterBurnham

I regretted the goddam post about 2 minutes after I put it up. Note to self: don't post shit on the internet when you're tired. Thanks Tex.


Ahem.

"Tex" ?

Texas Maam, to you.

You asked how to get started...THERE's a good start.

Texas Maam



Isara -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/22/2006 9:37:18 PM)

quote:

By "accident", I met a dominatrix in Las Vegas who was bumped off the same flight I was. It inspired me to investigate my interest in being a submissive to a harsh dominating woman. I live in the Seattle WA area. How should I get started? What's your advice?


Well? Re-read the previous threads, that's what I'd reccomend. Do a search for the topic "New Sub", "Beginner" etc. Also, be aware that people -won't- always reply to your private messages, it's reality and could save us a topic a week or so ;) Now, don't feel I'm being harsh We just see these sorts of posts all the time.

However, as to your post?

  • Ask questions-carefully- thought out questions please ;)
  • Go to munches-local scene parties, talk to people in the scene, both dom and slave/sub. Mentoring is a great idea and I'd reccomend it to everyone starting out.
  • Do a lot of reading, read the forums, and do your research through the archives. It will help you formulate your views.
  • Remember that Mistresses are not exactly like you see on porn. We're real women and trying to live up to that fantasy can be exhausting.
  • Be polite when asking questions, or approaching people. It will help on the forums and more then likely, people will be more willing to give you more information and/or help.
  • Be patient. As they say on those god awful shampoo ads? "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen"


Good luck.

Isara.



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 12:03:43 AM)

Isara: that was a better reply than I was worth. Thank you so very much!

Enjoy your Summer in Australia! And thanks again.



Isara -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 12:08:35 AM)

You're welcome, just consider your questions before you post them. Do some research, I can't stress how much it makes many of us happy when people show some iniative.

Good luck. ;)



RavenMuse -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 2:10:42 AM)

Search the net, read all you can about as many diffrent aspects of the lifestyle. Read other peoples accounts of their expreiences.

Then sit down and take a good hard look inside yourself, put that fantasys to one side and work out how those things you have been reading about would be in real life. You don't have to be certain, but you do need to have a good idea of where your limits are, if in doubt make it a limit, they can always be pushed out further later. But be aware that too many limits can put some people off... fine they are probably not right for you to start off with anyhow.

Be polite and respectful, but don't submit to anything until you've got to know them enough to trust them at least a bit.

It might be exciting, but take it slow and keep it safe. You stand a better chance of collecting good experiences rather than bad ones that way.

Finaly, when you find your one, serve her with all your heart, mind and soul not just your body.

HTH and good luck



BeachMystress -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 6:17:07 AM)


I just did a blog about a letter from a woman asking about trying to be a Domme. While it is slanted towards Dominants, there are a lot of good general information links. http://blog.myspace.com/beachmystress I also have a collection of links on BDSM at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Beachs_Dominion/links/

As for places to get involved in your area, The Wet Spot (Seattle Sex Positive Community Center) sounds perfect, with socials, events and workshops. http://www.wetspot.org/socials.htm It is a membership organization, http://www.wetspot.org/join.htm and does have a yearly fee plus event fees. If I lived up your way, I would join. You may want to attend the free Men's Welcoming Committee get together that is held at Wet Spot. http://mwc.bent.org/



luckyslaveboync -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 6:28:34 AM)

How (not) to interest a Mistress: Why be honest when you could put a better foot forward through deception, telling people what you think they want to hear. Don’t pin yourself down by putting details in your profile...leave it all vague or absent. In posts and email, emphasize your own sexual wants and be sure to tell what an oral sexual gift you are to women. Don’t mention any willingness to be of service in any specific way as this will just be an invitation to dull asexual exploitation of your time. And if you do get to start a relationship, don’t be generous as you want something real, not a pro, and gifts are for vanilla relationships, not bdsm. Hold out for a barbie doll be-vinyled big-boobed kitty with a whip so as not to sell yourself short. Also, protect yourself from being outed by not going to any bdsm events where you would have to meet real people. That should do it.



MHOO314 -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 7:09:42 AM)

Go do a search in Seattle right here on CM, I happen to know there are more than a few very good ones willing to teach---



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 12:02:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luckyslaveboync

How (not) to interest a Mistress: Why be honest when you could put a better foot forward through deception, telling people what you think they want to hear. Don’t pin yourself down by putting details in your profile...leave it all vague or absent. In posts and email, emphasize your own sexual wants and be sure to tell what an oral sexual gift you are to women. Don’t mention any willingness to be of service in any specific way as this will just be an invitation to dull asexual exploitation of your time. And if you do get to start a relationship, don’t be generous as you want something real, not a pro, and gifts are for vanilla relationships, not bdsm. Hold out for a barbie doll be-vinyled big-boobed kitty with a whip so as not to sell yourself short. Also, protect yourself from being outed by not going to any bdsm events where you would have to meet real people. That should do it.


Priceless!
Not to hijack, but I also read your comments in the "Tea" thread, and enjoyed it very much. A quick question...are you really 96 years old?

To the OP: I can't offer too much more other than a question as to how long you have felt these submissive urges. On the one hand it seems this is something that has interested you for a long time, and the spark was ignited with this accidental meeting. On the other hand, I have to wonder if this is just a lark and something you need to get out of your system now. It is just an idea I throw out as food for thought.
I also notice you seem to be in the "worthless worm" mindset (your profile and a hint of it here in this thread). If you are seeking some role play with that scenario in mind, that can be fun. But as an ongoing thing, in a relationship, it can be very wearing, and Myself, along with most of the Ladies I know, are not attracted to that. The "unworthy" attitude is often latched onto by newbies because they think this is what being submissive is all about. Works well in a chatroom, but doesn't carry over into real time very well.
Lots to think about, lots to learn, and do take your time!
Welcome to collarme and the boards!



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 6:13:35 PM)

RavenMuse: Great, wise words. And nice quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet: Polonius to Laertes. For such a stupid post, I got such thoughtful material back. Thanks again RM.
Humbly, Lester B.



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 6:17:16 PM)

Texas Ma'am: please pardon my clumsy reply and my importunity. I send my humble best wishes to you for good health and happiness.



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 6:29:18 PM)

I am truly blown away by the insight of the people in this forum even though I blundered onto the scene with all the sophistication of fucking gomer pyle. Your thoughts, GoddessDustyGold, were particularly good. Thank you for taking the time to share them. You've got a free place to stay in the Pacific Northwest whenever you'd like to see it. Fourteen thousand foot Mount Rainier would be seen right outside your bedroom window along the Green River. In Seattle, you could see the Space needle, the Experience Music Project which is the world's premier rock n roll music created by billionaire Paul Allen. This offer is for real. Indeed I won't overdo the super-subservient thing. I think I've had an epiphany ever since this weekend of what I want to do and be, and I might take it to extremes at times. You were quick to discern that.

thanks again Goddess Dusty Gold.



ShadeDiva -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 8:48:49 PM)

What Dusty said.

It really drives me batty to have a guy approach me with that whole I am scum and not worth your attention mindset.

Because if YOU don't think you are worth anything, the natural line of logic is, why should *I* find value in you as a human and a submissive if *you* don't see the value within yourself and in your service and/or submission?

I want my partner to be JUST as picky in choosing their partner as *I* am.

I want and expect their standards to be high because they deem themselves worth a good dominant.

This is NOT to be confused with arrogance or passive-aggressive behavior. Self-confidence and self-worth does *not* equate egotistical as far as I am concerned.

Just my 2 cents.



LesterBurnham -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/23/2006 9:12:03 PM)

thanks ShadeDiva. This whole arena is completely new to me so I'm still finding my way. Trial and error and mostly error. A dominant emailed me today-the first time this has ever happened to me-that the conversation was two sentences long before my interlocuteur hung up on me! WHOA!
Anyway, you have alot of wisdom ShadeDiva. I can tell. I wish I knew more about you and your experiences in this world. Thanks again.



TexasMaam -> RE: Advice on getting started as Sub (2/25/2006 10:35:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LesterBurnham

Texas Ma'am: please pardon my clumsy reply and my importunity. I send my humble best wishes to you for good health and happiness.


<clasps hands with delight: LesterB! You are learning so quickly!

[;)]

Texas Maam



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