cpK69
Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:
Whereas we were talking about confodence and trust being an exchange dynamic it is also an internal dynamic.
I don't think what I was saying is the same thing at all.
Once asked “Do you trust me?” by my Dom, I answered “yes” while thinking *I trust you won’t be back for at least another two weeks.*
I knew that wasn’t exactly what he meant, but I also knew it was the truth. That is when I realized that ‘trusting’ had little to do with believing what you want will happen, and much to do with repetitive results.
I had gone to our first meeting together, believing ‘I trusted’, but on the way, I had realized just how much I didn’t know about him, and thought *he could be someone who just wants to get me alone to kill me*; to which I thought *If that’s the case, I will simply ask that he be quick about it.*
Again, it was repetitive results, and a perceived necessity to resolve my curiosity toward D/s dynamic relationships that spurred me to go.
Confidence, on the other hand, is a slightly different animal. I was once so confident in my speed and ability to operate a ‘leak testing’ machine, that I thought it was a good idea to position a stack of stock totes against one of the operating buttons.
I was fast; didn’t have to look at what I was doing, as I was able to ‘see’ what I was doing with my hands. I did this so well that when I put the part on upside down, I automatically reached for it to turn it over. Unfortunately, my other hand didn’t get the message “I’m going back in”, so decided to hit the other button, as it was the next step in the procession of completing the process.
Having your fingers ‘leak tested’ at 200 lb psi, makes for a very long 30 sec.
A similar situation happened some time later, when I was confident in my ability to clean the ‘glue spreader’ with my bare hand. I had done it many times before, but for whatever reason that one time, I got too close. As soon as the rollers had caught my hand, I knew my fingers were going in. It’s amazing how small a space fingers can fit in, when being fed in like that.
Both times, my confidence failed me, having crossed the line to ‘cocky’.
Don’t get me wrong, confidence can be admirable, and alluring, but when it comes to getting down to business, sincerity on his part will get us there, I’ll be confident, and together we can trust there will be a tomorrow, regardless of what it brings.
quote:
Yo say that you are unable to experience their skill from their standing.
That’s right; I can’t be him. Everything I experience must filter through my perception, colored by my previous experiences.
quote:
Put another way; it feels like I can trust that what is being done to me, as the submissive, is what I wnt to be done to me...not less nor more but entirely what I am wishing, or willing to happen.
Telling myself “It’s what I wanted”, meaning the experience, is sufficient for me.
Kim
_____________________________
Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.
one voice
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Confidence - A responce to Prinsexx - 
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