RE: The Term 'Owned'

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The Term 'Owned'

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Term 'Owned'

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/19/2009 4:45:28 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

No big dilemma, just introducing the following as a point of conversation. :>

During a conversation the other day, the person to whom I was speaking referenced something about when they own a person. The statement was innocuous, just a person using their preferred terminology. I mentally squicked at the utilization, though didn't note it aloud (It wasn't relevant to the discussion and I wished to ruminate on it further).
When I had occasion to indulge said thought process, I went to the idea that I don't even say that I own my pets; I consider myself their keeper or even in a parental role toward them; theirs are lives over which I have accepted stewardship.
When I think of a person who is Mine, I don't ever go to the idea of ownership, rather responsibility for them/to them (Regardless of the side of the kneel) and certainly a possessiveness without the idea that they are a possession.
To me, owned seems to connote to objectification which, in general, isn't something that 'does it' for me and I think that's a big chunk of why I don't like it, along with the fundamental idea (From my years of animal welfare involvemet) of the belief that no living thing can be a possession/owned.
My thoughts on the matter are not meant to demean those who use, dig, or otherwise feel warm and fuzzy about the term: in fact, I'm starting the thread to open a dialogue about peoples' perceptions of the term. :>

Happy Saturday, folks! :>
Davan

I've loved, resisted and reviled the term
Just as I have loved, resisited and reviled the owner.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 21

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/19/2009 5:13:03 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
To me, owned seems to connote to objectification which, in general, isn't something that 'does it' for me and I think that's a big chunk of why I don't like it, along with the fundamental idea (From my years of animal welfare involvement) of the belief that no living thing can be a possession/owned.

I don't use the term 'owned' in my own fetish vernacular but I don't flinch when others use it. There are just too many different strokes that fall under the kink umbrella.

I highlighted a passage above that I wanted to speak to. Sometimes during a discussion of rape play a rape victim/survivor will post with an opposing viewpoint or during a face slapping discussion a domestic abuse victim will post their objections. Sometimes our past experiences color our perceptions to an extent that we can no longer be objective and occasionally the best course is to abstain.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 22

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/19/2009 11:15:55 PM

DomThoughts

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

This thread did awaken the language geek in me (for which I apologise!) I wondered what the word Own actually means. So off I went to the good old Oxford English Dictionary

The original meaning, dating back to before the 10th century, is the obvious one, and the one I think is the problem definition here. that being.
a. To have or hold as one's own; to have belonging to one, be the proprietor of, possess.

in the 15th century, the word took a new meaning, which I think is a little more suitable for day to day use in a D/s environment.
b. fig. and in extended use. To have control over or direction of (a person or thing).

There are a couple of other definitions in there that I feel are also pertinent.
2. trans. To make (a thing) one's own; to gain possession or control of; to appropriate, seize, win; to adopt as one's own
b. To call (a person or thing) one's own; to acknowledge as belonging to oneself, esp. in respect of kinship or authorship
5. a. trans. To acknowledge (a person or thing) as affecting oneself; (more generally) to acknowledge (a thing) to be as claimed, or to be a fact; to confess to be valid, true, or actual; to admit.

So I am sitting here wondering what context I have placed in the thoughts of owning another, while I think that the first definition is what we all consider ownership, I am sure the second would be the actual definition we would apply, and are quite aware of when we consider it properly.

I would go as far as saying that the second definition is actually a core definition of any D/s relationship if you don't have direction or control over a sub, then it isn't really a sub!

< Message edited by DomThoughts -- 8/19/2009 11:16:48 PM >

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 23

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/20/2009 2:54:03 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

In nature, it is more often the ego driven male of a species who is compelled to possessively assert control over territory.

In a dedicated relationship, one may say that they have their own partner. This can become perverted into a narcissistic concept that they own their partner. In reality, the feeling of "ownership" is inspired by what the "possessed" person freely and willfully chooses to share. Even a house pet may choose to run away when uncaged, and thus deprive their "owner" of "possession."

Possession is an ego construct. One only truly owns what they take with them at the end of life. The question is whether they were open enough to share that during their life. As a surrendered one knows, a person's feeling is amplified through resonant sharing.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 8/20/2009 2:56:16 AM >

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 24

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/20/2009 6:35:04 AM

NearlyAcquiesced

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline

I am working towards being owned now. (behavior modification being something worked on now, and this redhead does have a hard time with that, let me tell ya, but thus far, everything has been very fluid.)

I get off on the term, and phrases like "who owns this? Who does this belong to?". That I am under his complete control and whim. It will not be easy, but I am lucky in that he doesn't want to squash *me*.

I will be property. I won't have limits except for what he imposes. (I do not pick psychopaths, even for play, so... no red flags!)

A lot of people (and I, myself at one time felt this way) think this is a crazy, unsafe notion, but when you pick your partner carefully, match yourselves up with someone that fits you, and you feel you can fulfill their needs and desires (no matter how wicked), it can be a wonderfully freeing thing. And yes, sometimes scary as well.

I want the whole bag of chips, please. (:

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 25

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/20/2009 7:31:32 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I don't own my dogs except from a legal sense, but as their Pack Leader I (and Neets) are responsible for providing what they need and in return they give us loyalty and love. (Even more so as both are Disability Dogs).

A slave collared to my home is owned by the home and as such owned jointly by both Lady Neets and I with me as the Head/Master of the home the ultimate owner. A slave collared to me is a slave I own completely. I will be controversial (since have I not tended to be?) and say that I own a slave heart, mind, body and aye soul.

The ownership of a slave usually happens because the slave wants to be owned. Is the ownership legal? of course not in this so called enlightened day and age, and thus the owner ship is as strong and complete as both parties allow it to be. I could rabbit on for many pages but in the final analysis, others may or may not agree with my views and what is after all a personal opinion.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/20/2009 9:50:51 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I consider myself owned. lt doesn't mean that he treats me disrespectfully or anything like that. He treats me like gold. He makes the rules and I follow them. It's what I've always wanted and it fulfills me and makes me very calm and happy.

_____________________________

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 27

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/20/2009 10:05:00 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

I don't have a problem with the term.

I've always regarded traditional marriage as a sort of de facto ownership.

Traditional language typically refers to things like "my" boyfriend or "my" girlfriend, which is not claiming ownership, per se, but hints at it.

I also find the term innocuous because, as in my examples above, I usually interpret it as referring to a mutual consent kind of relationship ~ only one that's explicit about its claims!

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 28

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/22/2009 9:35:31 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

No big dilemma, just introducing the following as a point of conversation. :>

During a conversation the other day, the person to whom I was speaking referenced something about when they own a person. The statement was innocuous, just a person using their preferred terminology. I mentally squicked at the utilization, though didn't note it aloud (It wasn't relevant to the discussion and I wished to ruminate on it further).
When I had occasion to indulge said thought process, I went to the idea that I don't even say that I own my pets; I consider myself their keeper or even in a parental role toward them; theirs are lives over which I have accepted stewardship.
When I think of a person who is Mine, I don't ever go to the idea of ownership, rather responsibility for them/to them (Regardless of the side of the kneel) and certainly a possessiveness without the idea that they are a possession.
To me, owned seems to connote to objectification which, in general, isn't something that 'does it' for me and I think that's a big chunk of why I don't like it, along with the fundamental idea (From my years of animal welfare involvemet) of the belief that no living thing can be a possession/owned.
My thoughts on the matter are not meant to demean those who use, dig, or otherwise feel warm and fuzzy about the term: in fact, I'm starting the thread to open a dialogue about peoples' perceptions of the term. :>

Happy Saturday, folks! :>
Davan

I don't feel warm and fuzzy about the term. It's simply a fact. He owns me, and for much longer than either of us has realized.
That could be because I don't "do" submissive. When I've tried, it's been a near-catastrophic failure. There are things I cannot submit to, he owns them as well.
To each his own. I am his own.
Oh, and I own my pets. They know to whom they owe their fealty (except the one that is owned by the um's; she protects them at all costs, my fingers be damned!)

< Message edited by mbes -- 8/22/2009 9:39:17 PM >

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 29

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 12:10:20 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I've loved, resisted and reviled the term
Just as I have loved, resisited and reviled the owner.

This brings up one of the facets I think is relevant to this topic: the source. In much the same way that the word "slut" can semantically suggest something quite different than what is specifically indicated when the term is used in an intimate context.

(referring back to the OP)

I do agree that it makes sense to parallel the use of the term with a certain degree of objectification, yet I don't think objectification necessarily must imply emotional impartiality (how many people have nicknames for their cars?). Also, I think the certain abrasiveness of the term is useful to exemplify a very heavy power exchange dynamic in terms of how much control is surrendered to the dominant party.

My pedantic brain, however, does kind of side with the itchiness you seem to be mentioning (even though I think it was I who mentioned the word during a conversation)...yet the clinical objectification that the word can imply doesn't seem to be my initial reaction so much as how it expresses how complete the power exchange is and how thorough my control either is or will be based on the goals set.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 30

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 3:27:00 AM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

when you get served, then you are owned

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 31

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 3:37:54 AM

DrFeelGod

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

I think that it's like when searching a word in a dictionary, it has different meanings depending on the context. In a D/s context I agree with DarkSteven, in a vainilla context I can agree with you in the belief that no living thing can be a possession/owned. Just semantics?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 32

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 3:47:12 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

its odd, because ive loved being owned, possessed (almost) completely by someone. but i do not own my cats, dog or horse - they are my responsibility but i dont own them and i dont know that i could ever possibly own them. they are completely theyre own selves.

which maybe is the point.

you can only own someone/thing if they are open and receptive to the idea. there is a mental process that makes ownership and owned possible.

when youre body stops being youres and becomes theirs, when youre thoughts and actions are controlled by anothers standards and expectations. and up to a point marriage or atleast the vows of marriage and the old values of marriage echo these thoughts. but they were written back in a time when women were chattels and owned absolutely by their husband, but not always in a good way - abuse was rife as im sure youre all aware - que Suffragettes.

actually its interesting how this lifestyle could be said to have remodled the old values but brought in higher standards of conduct and attitude toward the chattles.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 8/23/2009 4:08:27 AM >

(in reply to DrFeelGod)

Post #: 33

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 4:52:25 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I think owned is another one of those terms that can have vast amounts of meaning to the people involved. I'm not talking about the definition of the word. When I hear "my" and "mine", I think of owned. Many of us have said mulitiple times to hear our Dom say "my" would make us puddle.

IronBear said how I feel about it "owning a slave's heart, mind, body and soul". In a D/s relationship, that is how it is for me. He (Dom) has to have all of me. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it's just the way I am wired. I don't see that as objectification. I view it as a complete D/s relationship.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 34

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 5:13:36 AM

Falkenstein

Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Davan has found an interesting point IMNHO. In another post, I referred to my slave as "it", it was not bad grammar on my side (Although God and all the other forum members know I am not a native speaker!) but a lapsus. So, yes I think there is some objectification and probably more importantly deshumanisation, at least in my mind, in the expression "owned". And here we should focus on the expression and it symbolism and not on what happens in the life of owners and owned.

Is it a bad thing? Well it sure turn off Davan, thus it is bad for her and her Own..., well suitor with a firm hand maybe more appropriate. On the other hand, when I explain to my new slave that she cannot wear this or that because she is my property and I want my property to be pretty and not sluty; When I tell her that she is not exactly a person anymore and that certain decisions are out of her reach, a bit like if she were a minor again; and when I must reaffirm that no she cannot decide how often she will come (ol' fetish of mine) and yes I know it is late, but she is still three short of her weekend cum-load, and she will cum because she is my property and simply has no other option. Well then she climbs to the curtains, steams from all her orifices and howl like a coyotee, so it is rather good for her and me.

Kinky regards

Henry

PS in an earlier thread a girl said a lot of strong things against orgasm control and that dommes should focus on giving more than controlling the few. I reflected on it and found the idea good, had my new slave write her owner's manual and we use it to get as much milleage out of her as we can. And for the ones who wonder, yes it is rather intense on the Master, because just telling her to masturbate while I have a beer and watch CNN does not work.

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 35

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 6:28:42 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

I think owned is another one of those terms that can have vast amounts of meaning to the people involved. I'm not talking about the definition of the word. When I hear "my" and "mine", I think of owned. Many of us have said mulitiple times to hear our Dom say "my" would make us puddle.

IronBear said how I feel about it "owning a slave's heart, mind, body and soul". In a D/s relationship, that is how it is for me. He (Dom) has to have all of me. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it's just the way I am wired. I don't see that as objectification. I view it as a complete D/s relationship.

I agree with this. I don't see being owned as objectifying in the least.

As kallisto has pointed out, words carry different emotional connotations for different people. I know a dominant who hates the term slave, yet (in my mind) he is the type of dominant who would only be happy with the TPE that comes from owning a slave. He just doesn't like to call it that.

Words can carry a great deal of power, but they can only carry the power that we, as individuals, invest in them. Which is why it's always a good idea to clarify what someone means when they use a term like "owned."

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 36

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 8:06:15 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NBCNCO

I believe "objectification" and "ownership" are very appropriate terms. To me, they do not lessen the value I place on my girl, or her importance to me. My girl is my most valuable property; the thing I'd grab first if I awoke and the building was burning. The thing I would be most angry to find another man messing with. The thing I treat with utmost care so that it is useful to me for a long, long time. She's a prized collectible that I show off when I take her out in public, and that I would loan to only the most trustworthy individuals.

I adore this statement about ownership. That said, however, my Master does not have the same concept of ownership and does not consider me owned. First of all, he can do absolutely anything with things he owns and there are certain restrictions on what he can do with me (not of my making, but that is of no consequence). Secondly, I can't exactly be his property when I am married to another and in an equally important relationship with my companion. As they have some say in what happens with me, he cannot truly own me. However, I feel like I am a kind of communal property. The others in my poly family get to decide what uses of me are acceptable. I know that they are all sane, reasonable people and I put myself in their hands. I long to be, and sometimes do get to feel, owned like one would own a pet or even a very special object.

(in reply to NBCNCO)

Post #: 37

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 8:38:09 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein
Is it a bad thing? Well it sure turn off Davan, thus it is bad for her and her Own..., well suitor with a firm hand maybe more appropriate.

Yes, but let's remember, Davan is not currently in a position to be bonded/owned/whatever you want to call it. Therefor, any urge towards such things would have to be totally internally driven in order for it to exist right now. She and I have spoken a fair amount offline and I would venture to guess that her feelings about being "owned" would change in the presence of the right partner. It is often my speculation that contemplating the more dramatic parts of power exchange is creepier in theory than in fact. Afterall, in theory, one must needs theorize about all the generic possibilities.... what if some master makes me do x? Carol only needs to ponder what I would do.

quote:

NZ Said:
)...yet the clinical objectification that the word can imply doesn't seem to be my initial reaction so much as how it expresses how complete the power exchange is and how thorough my control either is or will be based on the goals set.

Yes, for me also this vaguely registers as an expression of the authority I wield. As such, it is an expression of or love for each other and therefor, more "ownership" is a good thing. It is still true though that for me, the word implies no objectification at all. She is an owned human.. my wife in fact.. nothing else.

quote:

Ironbear noted:
A slave collared to me is a slave I own completely. I will be controversial (since have I not tended to be?) and say that I own a slave heart, mind, body and aye soul. The ownership of a slave usually happens because the slave wants to be owned. Is the ownership legal? of course not in this so called enlightened day and age, and thus the owner ship is as strong and complete as both parties allow it to be.

I completely agree with this... and also feel compelled to point out that it doesn't seem all that different to me than any vibrant, strong, vanilla relationship... a fact which your usage of "heart, body, mind and soul" brought up. We have all heard and seen this effect in totally vanilla couples whether or not they use the word. If two people are in a healthy, mutually nurturing relationship over time, then strong bonds get formed between them. You can call those bonds whatever you want, but they exist and, at least in my heart, they feel largely the same. In fact, Carol largely perceives that she became "mine" on the day of our wedding 13 years ago, not when I collared her 2 years ago. We are, at most, refining what was started long ago.

And one other angle on this ownership thing...

A 6' leash is 6' in both directions.

In general, our posessions own us as surely as we own them.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Falkenstein)

Post #: 38

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 8:48:06 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

My thoughts on the matter are not meant to demean those who use, dig, or otherwise feel warm and fuzzy about the term: in fact, I'm starting the thread to open a dialogue about peoples' perceptions of the term. :>

Happy Saturday, folks! :>
Davan

i find beauty in ownership and all that it implies. whether the assumption is more chattel oriented or a yoke that lovely binds, both are endearing and have great meaning. i understand it is a difficult term and concept for many to embrace for a variety of reasons. however, my relationship preferences are founded upon principles that openly embrace the ideology and ramifications that servitude and ownership can bring. there's a heightened sense, an internal knowing that is difficult to illustrate but totally encompassing that forms a nucleus between two. in many respects it feels like home.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 39

RE: The Term 'Owned' - 8/23/2009 4:04:06 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

I am owned & collared by Sir. And I am owned completely, "heart, mind, body and aye soul," to quote IronBear. I am owned and possessed by Him completely, and loved and cared for. I take care of His needs and desires, and He does the same for me. I follow His rules and His orders whether we are in a kink or vanilla situation. I am always to please Him. There is not a day goes by that He isn't in my mind, even when we aren't together. He means the world to me, and before I do anything, I ask myself "Would this please or displease Him?" I am not perfect and sometimes I fall short, but this is the question I ask myself every day. This is only some of what being owned means to me. There is so much more that is indescribable that I just can't put into words.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Term 'Owned'

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.173