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Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/16/2009 7:54:29 PM

TheDomInTheHat

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So I go to a public play intro a while back and there are lots of people eager to show you their toys and how they work and plenty of doms and subs eager to swing or be swung at to help teach others. If you go to something like this, try to not get dragged into a long conversation about how some guy's whip was a gift from the Empress of Zanzibar or whatever.

I wander around and try cracking a whip (I hit myself, doh) and swinging a big flogger and see what a violet wand feels like (definitely not interested in being on the receiving end of that) etc.

My question is though, there are a bunch of subs helping with the program for a solo dom like me to take a whack at to try out a toy and I just felt odd about the whole thing. I was uncomfortable about playing with someone I didn't know even just to see how to swing a flogger or something. It often takes me a while to warm up to people. I probably would have felt more comfortable with a partner. I guess I am just not a swinger. If you want me to hit you, you are just gonna have to buy me dinner first

I do like the social and educational aspect of the club and the extensive tool box available. Playing in public will take some warming up to I guess.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/16/2009 7:58:37 PM

Bearlee

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One thing you could try is swinging at a pillow while standing next to someone who is helping you. Get the experienced Dom to talk to you about technique and such...but aim at an overstuffed chair. Those kinds of demos are lots of fun but I agree; it's hard to learn knowing you could put an eye out! LOL

Take it slow, pick up a flogger you like and practice at home! Soon enough you'll feel comfortable even with an audience.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/16/2009 10:19:30 PM

LadyPact

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Can't say I blame you. I'm more the 'practice is for pillows, not people' type Myself.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/16/2009 10:29:25 PM

ShaharThorne

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There is a reason for old raggedy furniture, besides for the dogs to jump upon.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/16/2009 10:37:53 PM

xchellekittyx

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fast reply...

i've been a demo bottom...for the teacher of a class...

as for someone learning...i just can't get with that...even when i am desperate to play...and i do play with strangers or virtual strangers *giggles*...sorry...anyway...practice practice practice on a non living subject...don't hit your poor pillow with a single tail though...and don't be afraid to ask for help from more experienced Dominants...it won't do any good if you are practicing the wrong thing...also look into big events for classes on things that your local folks may not be able to help you with that you may be interested in...

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/17/2009 12:49:33 AM

MaamJay

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I do empathise with you OP, that is a rather awkward situation. When I was new and actively learning, the local group ran special Wednesday night workshops called "Crash Test Dummies" which were just great. Only about 6 people there, 3 subs and 3 Dom/mes, plus the experienced hosts. The first evening of a new intake was largely social, plus a demo from the hosts. Everyone got to know each other, so they weren't strangers by the time it came to try something out. Sessions went from about 7.30-9.30pm followed by supper, so it wasn't a late night. I was usually paired with an adorable boy and he and I continued to play for the next 2 years until his job took him interstate (even then, we managed a session at a hired Dungeon when I attended a conference there). There was plenty of opportunity for negotiation so D and s were able to establish some trust, and supervision meant the subs were safe. I would encourage other clubs to take up this idea, it was brilliant.

However at a regular play party, for a "casual" encounter, I would still pull a sub aside and have a 10-15 minute conversation with them before engaging in any play at all. That helped it all feel a little less strange.

Good on You for getting out there anyway, so many don't!
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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/17/2009 7:43:26 AM

beargonewild

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I had bottomed at a spanking demo a few weeks ago and it was a good experience, not just for myself but also for the top. The top was also someone I have known for over a year so we did have some sense of familiarity though the unknown factor was we had never played before. Yes the top had a good idea on how intense he could get, we still took 10-15 minutes to to set down the ground rules of how intense he would get, how long the demo will last, going over all the toys that would be used plus agreeing on a specific action I was to use if I needed a time out. Not all tops are willing to jump in and practice on a bottom to hone their flogging skills, it's just a matter of seeing what your comfortability level lies and as many stated......practice on an old piece of furniture first.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/17/2009 8:15:49 AM

Andalusite

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Yup, I've stunt-bottomed for the teacher of a class before. Some workshops are hands-on, and people get randomly assigned to each other if they didn't bring someone to play with, while the teacher supervises.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/17/2009 8:30:58 AM

pompeii

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Find someone just as inexperienced as you are - take it slow - and learn the ropes together!

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/17/2009 9:26:07 PM

littlesarbonn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Find someone just as inexperienced as you are - take it slow - and learn the ropes together!

That's about the best advice I've heard.

Some years back, I was dating an Asian woman who discovered my lifestyle inclinations and she wanted to be my dominant. So she escorted me to a big femdom party for an organization where I was an officer, and that was like the last I saw of her because EVERY dominant woman there wanted to personally train her how to be a dominant. Hours later, I saw her again, and she said she had a great time. I never really saw where she went or what she did, but I do know that she was a hell of a lot better at beating the crap out of me after that evening.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/18/2009 4:01:03 AM

IronBear

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Casual play partners are great especially for those who do not have a sub/slave of their own or one who had hard limits regarding some areas you wish to explore. personally I am happy if I find a casual play partner who is experienced in some areas which I am almost clueless so she can teach me or even add to my knowledge with differing techniques to the ones I use. I believe that however the more experienced you are and are seen playing in the public arena, the more likely you will be to attract even more casual partners. It is getting the start which is the hard part. I would suggest that the OP finds a willing Dom with a sub/slave who will be willing to allow him to play with his property under his strict supervision especially at a play party or dungeon.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/18/2009 8:18:44 AM

stella41b

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I would only do this with people I know but for the others I'm perfectly willing to lend cushions and pillows.

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RE: Playing with someone just for learning/practice? - 8/18/2009 8:31:42 AM

MsLilyDarkness

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Hello all, first post under this name but this conversation I had to join in on. Would you believe when I first started my mentor (the Dom who was teaching me technique) had one of those sex butt model things made from cyber skin and I learned on that. Expensive but the feel of the flogger or cane on that was alot more realistic than a pillow. If you can afford to learn that way, I'd recomend it. Flogging and caning leaves a momentary indent you can use to check your strength and if you rip it you know you would have drawn blood on a real person. But you have to be sure to get the cyber skin . . .the realistic stuff.

MsLily (formerly bloodluna)

< Message edited by MsLilyDarkness -- 8/18/2009 8:32:20 AM >

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