What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (Full Version)

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jay737 -> What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/18/2009 9:16:03 AM)

Hi I’m Jay I am submissive always have been . I long to be in a dom sub relationship. I’ve been on this site for sometime now gave up on it a little while ago I can’t seem to get any results. Now this could be one of many reasons I could be pig ugly, my profile could be lacking or I’m just some sort of fucking reject. I just don’t know please take a look at my profile your honest opinion would be appreciated. What am I doing so wrong have I been to honest in my profile is it to full on? I am so genuine about exploring this lifestyle and I am willing to give my soul to the right person. HELP me I need some advice what is the most appropriate way a sub should  approach a dom to get  noticed.




Misstoyou -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/18/2009 11:47:38 AM)

Hi, Jay. A hint: Count the number of times you've used the word "I", "me", and "my" in your profile.



slavekal -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/18/2009 12:12:01 PM)

You are a good looking guy.  Profile looks good.  Keep it out there.  Answer profiles.  Go to parties and events.  Club Pedestal, perhaps?  Gauge "vanilla" women's domme potential.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/18/2009 12:12:23 PM)

My opinion is, it's your profile.  It comes across as that of a do-me submissive.  Like Misstoyou said, there is an awful lot of "I," "me," and "my" in there.  I would try putting more in about what you have to offer a Domme when she chooses you, what you can do that would add to Her life and Her happiness.  I'm not necessarilly talking $$ here, but everything.....your abilities, services (not just sexual) you have to offer Her, kindnesses.  It's great to tell about yourself, that's what a profile is for, but say how you would be good for Her.  Good luck.  [;)]



DarkSteven -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/18/2009 6:04:55 PM)

Maybe I just don't have a poetic soul, but your profile seemed to state a lot of how you want to serve, how you arrived at being a submissive, etc.

I'd much rather read a profile stating what hobbies you have, what skills you like to serve with, etc.

Also... you've been a member here for two years and your profile reads like you just started last week.  Have you had no relationships, attended no munches, been to no play parties?  That would be a red flag for me.



jay737 -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 8:06:00 AM)

Thanks for all the advice so far I’m going to update my profile and state what I can offer. I’ve also  just taken a look at the Club Pedestal web site it looks good so I’m going to book me a ticket. I have been on this site for about two years but soon after I joined I got into a relationship with someone. It ended as we did not share the same enthusiasm for this kind of lifestyle which made it quite unfulfilling as she had no interest in this lifestyle at all. That is why I am back here as I am single and  know this is the place to meet like mined people.




Lockit -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 11:43:59 AM)

I don't know if you changed your profile or not before I read it, but what I am seeing isn't all that bad. I think if you moved things around a bit it might be helpful though.

Think of a writing project. You want to capture the reader's attention if you can in the first paragrah and want them to continue reading. I would put some of what you have in the middle area at the top. The things that you wish to offer of yourself and how you would do that. I would also maybe switch around how you word some of that as if you are not talking about someone specific, but a dominant you hope to have.

Then speak about yourself. You are trying to get someone's attention and if you pull them in with a catchy statement of what they could expect from you... and then talk about yourself... I think you will do better. Now keep in mind that some do have a problem with the I's and me talk... I do not. I want to know who it is behind the profile and have some ever tried talking about themselves without the I or me? lol I have just in good writing form and damn it... it is not easy sometimes! lol

You are young... you have a location... many may be interested but too far away or may be a bit older and would want an older person. Let yourself be seen... show who you are and someone will see you. Just drop the slam dunks to yourself! That would turn me away most of the time. Present positive and ready. Good luck... and be patient!



Arillis -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 12:29:14 PM)

You haven’t been reading what the domes are saying, the way to approach a domme is with a wheelbarrow full of counterfeit money, show them where you stached it, then blow the whistle on them.



Lockit -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 12:33:43 PM)

Arillis, that might have been meant as humor and I hope it was... but if not... wow! How sad!



Arillis -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 12:37:31 PM)

Hell no, humort was not the intent. However I could have offered a beter format for allowing them to beleive they have ripped you off and building a cases so one can testifying against them.



Lockit -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 12:47:26 PM)

My [sm=2cents.gif] would do no good here! lol



lovingpet -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 12:56:43 PM)

I am going to keep it simple today. Approach her as one human to another. See how that works out.

lovingpet



shadowowl -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 1:24:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I am going to keep it simple today. Approach her as one human to another. See how that works out.

lovingpet


Thats what I would say too.  Keep it simple talk to her like a human not an object of your fantasy. 



gentlemanprince -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 1:31:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I am going to keep it simple today. Approach her as one human to another. See how that works out.

lovingpet


I agree totally, lovingpet. People tend to see others in terms of their role (e.g., Domme, sub). In reality, they all are people. Appoaching a Domme is no different than approaching anyone else. If the two of you like each other as people, the D/s relationship will follow naturally.



Lockit -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 1:35:58 PM)

Blows a kiss to the prince... I cannot believe you were ever a frog! lol



daintydimples -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 1:43:56 PM)

You are getting some good profile advice. As to your initial (email) approach, I have this to offer:

Whether dominant or submissive, females like to be courted. That means being very polite, very gallant, and having a real interest in who the other person IS. That you see this person as highly desirable (and I don't mean just sexually)  should show in your messages.

I would also add that any attempt to be overtly dominant or submissive in an initial message will almost certainly be a turnoff.

Be willing to share who you are as a person, and especially in a non BDSM context. Females get tons of email, so be willing to carry the conversational ball. Personally, I don't mind mildly flirty, but anything overtly sexual from someone I don't know creeps me out.

Lastly, let the female set the pace.

I would give the above information to any male on this site wishing to approach a female, with no regard to whether they are dominant or submissive, which should tell you a lot.













PlayfulWhenUsed -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 7:43:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jay737

Thanks for all the advice so far I’m going to update my profile and state what I can offer.



I saw your old profile and the new one and I think the new one is great!  Also, I think I can tell you a thing that is small but useful, but I will send it by mail.



BKSir -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 7:55:17 PM)

How to approach a dom...  Well, I think LP has it right.  With respect and honesty, as one would approach anyone.  Starting correspondence with things like "I want to kneel before you and be your bitch.  Whip me and treat me like the scum I am." is NOT a good way to do it.  Although, judging by your post here and your profile, I don't think you would do that anyway. [;)]

You seem intelligent, eloquent, down to earth and fairly straightforward.  That is a very good list, and a very preferable way of approaching a potential D-type.

So, in the mean time, have patience.  I can almost guarantee that no one will snap you up the first week you're here, not through any fault of your own.  Of course, I could be wrong, but, odds are just simply unlikely.  So far though, you've approached things well I think.  Your post here was well thought out, fairly well written, not whiney and asking "God!  I've been here for 2 weeks now, how come no one has taken me yet?  Aren't there any real doms left?" (Like a LOT of other posts out there).  Keep that up, keep your chin up, and things will work out for you I think. :)

By the way, Welcome to CM. forums.  *HUG*  I think you'll probably get a lot more looks in at your profile now that you popped in here. :)



marie2 -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 8:27:04 PM)

I wouldn't change a thing.  Your profile sounds sincere and very explanatory about who you are, what you seek and what you would like to offer in a ds relationship.  On top of that, you're far from "pig ugly", on the contrary, you're very nice looking, and you're not a "fucking reject".  Those type of thoughts are destructive.  Believe in yourself.  :)

Good luck in your search.



fadedshadow -> RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should approach a dom? (8/19/2009 10:38:13 PM)

um...be yourself, dude



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