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So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 8:54:51 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Hello all.

I'm going to my first Munch this weekend and this is going to be a huge step for me. I know I need to do it, in a way it's symbolic of self-acceptance, but I have a nagging feeling that something isn't right.

It's not plain nerves; it's more like a guilt feeling, or maybe a depression-related feeling, but it's really, really causing me a lot of discomfort at the moment.

People often say that you should listen to your instincts, in which case I wouldn't go, but it's hard to explain: I WANT to go, I NEED to go, I have suffered SO much for twenty years knowing that I need to 'be me', it has nearly killed me.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid it's not what I really want - but I know how it feels living as vanilla when I am most definitely NOT, and that is hell.

Maybe it's because I still feel that I am a freak in some way, but I don't see other people with submissive tendencies as freaks so I don't know if it's that.

Maybe it's because I do actually have a bit of a social phobia...

Maybe it's because quite a lot of so-called Doms on here have labelled me fake and I'm afraid that I really am a fake.

It's so weird, I know it's what I need to do, and yet - I feel so ambivalent and feel that it's going to be a waste of time where I feel horribly embarrassed and hate myself for ever and ever.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

Post #: 1

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:03:58 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

My first munch was scary to go to...but I had a great time and have enjoyed every munch I've been to.

If I have any guilt, it's that I don't go often enough!

Hang in there...

Hugs,
Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 2

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:10:18 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop
Maybe it's because quite a lot of so-called Doms on here have labelled me fake and I'm afraid that I really am a fake.

And what exactly is real?? And how can anyone who only knows you from a forum make that judgement?

Who cares what others think? To thine own self be true.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 3

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:13:08 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

You will have a lovely time I am sure - most munches are very warm, friendly, welcoming events!

A good idea is to email one of the event coordinators, and tell them you are new and very nervous.

They will then be on the lookout for you, and you will already know someone there (not really well, but it's a little better than not knowing anyone there at all) - which can make it WORLDS easier to get over the bundle of nerves deal. Having a smiling face that already knows you are going to be there can really make it a lot smoother.

They will also let you know what to expect, will let you know the basic rules for the munch, and introduce you to folks, which can be a lot easier than standing alone and introducing yourself.

Relax, realize most everyone tends to go through some version of the same thing - and have FUN! *smile*

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 4

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:16:02 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Thanks Cin. Can you tell me if there are any do's and don't's specific to munches?

Been thinking some more and all sorts of demons are swarming around my mind. It's not so much the munch I'm afraid of, but what it represents, and the future that comes after it. This is such a big thing for me, any inevitable disappointments are going to be felt twice as deeply. I feel I don't have much chance of ultimately finding what I'm looking for so it's best not to even start, and my depression is a big issue for me and I know that many people are repelled by mental illness in a submissive. Jesus, my judgement is screwed, I punish MYSELF constantly, and things that one day seem like a great idea seem like a nightmare the next.

I'm wise enough to know that submission and depressive spells don't mix, at least.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 5

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:17:31 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Just relax and pretend everyone is in their underwear...oh they will be..no they wont ..its a munch not a play party...silly jali

Seriously though, its probably just nerves, take the step, you have no obligations, you can always just leave if you really hate it, which im sure you wont.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 6

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:19:27 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Thanks ShadeDiva, I'm fortunate in that I already know one person, albeit not that well. I seem to be so good at 'diagnosing' other people's solutions, but never my one. I wish I knew WHY I felt this way, not knowing why is almost as bad as the feeling itself.

Please share any theories, and 'my first munch' stories.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 7

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:37:19 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Funny, I had this exact same conversation with a friend last night.

Here's a link you might find helpful: Wiseman's Beginner's guide to munches

Good luck!
Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 8

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:49:41 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop
I wish I knew WHY I felt this way, not knowing why is almost as bad as the feeling itself.

That's probably easier to pinpoint than you'd think.

It's a new situation. You've been imagining things, and though excited and eager, still uncertain. You want to take that step, but it's "unchartered" terroritory for you still.

I think if you look back on things, you'll find that same nervousness, anxiety, and uncertainty (unless you are one of those ubra-confident people) everytime you went to a new school, started a new job, went on a first date, before a big test, etc.

Might be different levels of it and of different intensities - but I'd bet the root core of that feeling is much the same.

Believe me - you will go and you will laugh at how worked up you were. You'll come back here and post about how it went, and you'll say you loved it, or it was okay, or it wasn't bad, but you won't be posting that it was a horrible experience - unless it is a rare exception to munches.

I got 5 bucks on that you will be posting that you had a lovely time and that you couldn't believe you got all worked up over the munch, that you met some pretty nice and friendly folks (it will take a bit of time for the wheat to be separated from th chaff in regards to the folks that attend the munch - don't expect to thinkof them all the same way in a few months as you will on the first munch lol) - and that you will be looking forward to the next one!

And one day ... I'll bet that you will be posting much the same post to someone else on down the road that is *just* as nervous as you are now.

*smile*

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 9

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 9:52:26 PM

knees2you

Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline

PenelopePitStop,

Just Three words

quote:

Just be Yourself~~

Sincerely, Ant

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 10

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 10:13:45 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

Maybe it's because I'm afraid it's not what I really want - but I know how it feels living as vanilla when I am most definitely NOT, and that is hell.

Maybe it's because I still feel that I am a freak in some way, but I don't see other people with submissive tendencies as freaks so I don't know if it's that.

Maybe it's because quite a lot of so-called Doms on here have labelled me fake and I'm afraid that I really am a fake.

i lived vanilla for many, many years, knowing i was not. i know that hell.

While in the vanilla, i was made to feel i was a freak. Now i know i am not (weird maybe, but not a freak..heh)

How can anyone in a discussion group forum know what is in your heart? If you feel submissive in your heart, how can that be fake? Be true to yourself. Remember, it's just a bunch of people hanging out - like this discussion group, only you get to see their faces

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 11

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 10:18:50 PM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

Hello all.

I'm going to my first Munch this weekend and this is going to be a huge step for me. I know I need to do it, in a way it's symbolic of self-acceptance, but I have a nagging feeling that something isn't right.

It's not plain nerves; it's more like a guilt feeling, or maybe a depression-related feeling, but it's really, really causing me a lot of discomfort at the moment.

People often say that you should listen to your instincts, in which case I wouldn't go, but it's hard to explain: I WANT to go, I NEED to go, I have suffered SO much for twenty years knowing that I need to 'be me', it has nearly killed me.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid it's not what I really want - but I know how it feels living as vanilla when I am most definitely NOT, and that is hell.

Maybe it's because I still feel that I am a freak in some way, but I don't see other people with submissive tendencies as freaks so I don't know if it's that.

Maybe it's because I do actually have a bit of a social phobia...

Maybe it's because quite a lot of so-called Doms on here have labelled me fake and I'm afraid that I really am a fake.

It's so weird, I know it's what I need to do, and yet - I feel so ambivalent and feel that it's going to be a waste of time where I feel horribly embarrassed and hate myself for ever and ever.

My first munch, I stood outside the pub where it was being held for about half an hour, until someone arriving must have realised the quiet "Go inside you dork." I was muttering to myself meant I was there for the munch.

It was a lovely experience, and I still keep in contact with a few of the people I met that day. Just go slow, at your own pace and remember, it's in a public venue, so, you can walk away if you really feel you have to.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 12

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/23/2006 10:47:13 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Can you tell me if there are any do's and don't's specific to munches?

DO: Be yourself
DO: Relax
DO: Have a good time
DO: Understand that some dominants tend to pounce on "fresh meat." Smile politely and feel free to ignore them. It's usually the ego talking.

DON'T: Think anyone claiming to be dominant has the authority to tell you what to do at a munch or anywhere else unless they happen to be YOUR dominant
DON'T: Be afraid to tell someone they're making you uncomfortable
DON'T: Let nerves get in the way of having a good time

Overall, a munch is really a very safe setting. You won't see much in the way of fetish gear, other than the occasional leather jacket or vest, and a few collars. The host or hostess should introduce themselves to you when you arrive, but if they do not, take the first step and introduce yourself to them.

You asked for "first munch" stories... I don't really have a "first" story, but I can tell you I used to attend the Indianapolis munch (alone) every single month, without fail. This munch had 50-60 people in attendance every month. For a year, I'd walk into the room, get my nametag, park my butt in a far corner and not speak at all unless someone spoke to me first. So great was my feeling of social inadequacy that I simply could not bring myself to walk up to a stranger and start talking. But I went, and people knew who I was and, eventually, I ventured out of that corner. Fast forward six years and you can't shut me up!

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 13

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 5:35:29 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

What you want, is truly out there. Master and i have been together 8 months now and it's amazing how much W/we connect and think alike. As soon as one of U/us is ready to take a new step in the relationship or change directions in what W/we want sexually (nice one day, mean the next), the other one is right behind.

You aren't a fake. That's what i call elitism talking and i hate it. i used to be called a fake all the time, that i would never make it to real life, and that i would never be a slave. i got away from the people who called me a fake, i met a few people in real life, and i became a slave to my Master on Jan. 23 of this year.

Many subs are harder on themselves when it comes to punishment and discipline then their Doms/Masters would ever be. Don't worry about no one liking you, and try to make a new friend or at least an aquaintance. Doms have this wonderful ability to take the screwed up person you were before, and turn it into something truly beautiful.

The Do's and Dont's should be easy enough to get from your friend that you know or the person(s) hosting it.

i hope this doesn't scare you as it's not meant to, but you mentioned, "inevitable disappointments are going to be felt twice as deeply" and they may, but omg the rewards of this Lifestyle are incredible.

my first munch story probably won't help you much. i'm not that nervous. However, when i meet a Dominant for the first time, i'm super nervous and i hardly look them in the eye and when i go to parties now with Master, i almost always have a leash on if possible because it makes me feel more secure.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 14

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 6:10:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You'll be laughing at yourself over this next week :) (Unless something goes really wrong)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 15

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 6:48:16 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

It's easy. When you first arrive, you will be stripped naked and examined by a committee to decide if you measure up. If you don't you'll be thrown naked into a dumpster out back. If you do, then you'll be whipped bloody and raped by everyone at the munch... or is it raped and then whipped (I can never get that right). Finally, everyone will do a breath control scene with you, ending with your body being placed in the portable crematoria.

Ok, you can breathe again. I'm joking.

You'll probably have a great time and be laughing about this post as you leave. Just remember the ones who said you "aren't real" are the ones who don't have the balls to do anything away from their computer

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 16

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 11:32:40 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

:) thank you all for the replies, the sense of humour, and Kassie thank you for the link.

The problem I have is with myself, not the actual event, so at least now I know what's going on - and I will report back with my findings tomorrow :)

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 17

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 11:43:43 AM

phoenixslave

Posts: 66
Joined: 6/13/2004
Status: offline

Theres a huge difference between being fake and being new. Every one starts there. Enjoy the journey.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 18

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 12:22:37 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Penelopepitstop You are not a fake and don't let anyone try to persuade you otherwise.
As for your anxiety, quite natural to have, I too am very much like you when it comes to social events at our local clubs. I've been to a few and have made friends, but I still get a bit of anxiety when I begin to plan the next one I will go to.
Lastly, you will only be angry at yourself if you don't follow through with your intentions. If you do follow-through, even if it went bad (and it won't) you would walk away a little stronger and satisfied that you took the first step.

Now....Drink, Drink and be merry........who needs to eat?

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to phoenixslave)

Post #: 19

RE: So what am I so damn scared of? - 2/24/2006 1:36:24 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I'm going to my first Munch this weekend

Hope you have a great time!!

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 20

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