LadyNTrainer
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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
There used to be a group of women in the San Francisco Bay Area who were seriously into wrestling, some of them really good at it, too. Most of them were professionals, so they started offering it as part of their sessions, and it became harder to find as just a fun activity. That sort of happens when women realize men are willing to pay for something they'd been giving away for free previously, Strange economic phenomenon that behavior....
It's not necessarily just economic. Some of it is an awareness that some guys who want to wrestle women are in it for more than just "body contact with sexy women is hot". So, some fetishist wants to grapple with me and get kinky pleasure from it? Uh.....do I feel okay about being used that way? Did I even get a chance to decide whether I feel okay about being used that way, if he wasn't honest about his desires? That right there is going to remove a lot of ladies from the market; they're not willing to be used that way, especially without their explicit consent being asked first.
Most of the ladies that are serious about being in the gym or the wrestling/boxing clubs are very serious indeed; and it is not at all cool to be wasting their workout time by hitting on them or getting your jollies off on them. Nobody likes a "gym perv", and most gyms will permanently ban men who make the ladies uncomfortable with inappropriate language or touching. As well they should. That's not what the gym is for.
A guy with good social skills who takes good enough care of himself physically to be attractive (hits the gym, pays attention to personal grooming and hygiene, etc) can always find a lady who is interested enough to spend time with him doing some of the activities he likes and some of the activities she likes. A fetishist who lacks the social skills and the honesty to negotiate for what he wants and to get a lady interested enough to want to do it with him is going to have a very hard time finding partners, especially for strenuous fetish activities that require a lot of set-up or cleanup. But that is also true in the vanilla world, and the existence of prostitutes does not mean that a good-looking, smart guy can't get a girlfriend.
Social skills come first. Yes, you're gonna have a hard time finding women who will engage in insta-kink or insta-sex with you without your taking the time to get to know them and be considerate of their wants and needs. The shorthand currency for investing your time and energy doing this can be money, if you want to hire a pro. If you don't want to pay in money, you must be prepared to invest time and energy getting to know a prospective partner and convincing her that playing with you or having sex with you will be fun and pleasurable for her. But if you aren't willing to do either of those things, or if you just aren't the most desirable guy on the market, don't blame the existence of pros if you can't find a partner.
There's a short list of people whose fetishes I happily indulge, even if they are strenuous or require a lot of set-up or cleanup, because I simply enjoy exchanging time and energy with them. I have fun playing with them. We click together, and I consider them friends as well as play partners. We spend nonsexual time together hanging out socially and having fun. If I needed to call somebody for an emergency ride out of a bad neighborhood at 2AM because my car broke down, I know they'd be there for me. If you're not on this short list - and most guys are not willing to get on it by being a real friend - then most likely I won't play with you outside of a pro session or a play party where it's convenient and random. And if it's the play party scenario, you'd better be sexy and interesting with good social skills, and we'll be doing mostly what *I* want, not just catering to your fetishes.
I am not the free-for-all drive-through McDommes. Nobody is, and nobody deserves to be treated that way. If you want any human being to cater to your desires, to spend their time and energy and attention focused on you, you had damn well better be prepared to give back in equal measure. That measure may be money, or it may be your own time and energy and attention. There is no problem with a fair exchange either way. The problems happen when people have mismatched expectations about what they want from the other person, or when they are not honest with each other about what they want.
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Wrestling ayone? - 
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