RE: Real dom? (Full Version)

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CaringandReal -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 6:54:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NYLass

They first have to take their twue dom permit test.  It's a written exam based on the book : "Dominance for Dumbinants"-By Lordmastersircrankypants.
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(We really need a loldom & lolsub website.)





One of my earliest favorite bdsm websites (alas, now long-gone) was Dork E. Dom's "Dork after Dark." He gave priceless advice to new dominants just discovering the www and wanting to score in the early-mid 90s. I wish now I had archived that site, as the wayback machine does not have a copy.



CaringandReal -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 6:58:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousNtexas
What is a Dom


The internet tells me it's an acronym for Dirty Old Man.


(light dawns) So that's why all the younger sub women only want older dominant men! The older subs are probably not current enough to know what hte acronym means. :p



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 9:45:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NYLass
(We really need a loldom & lolsub website.)


Well, there is a lolkink.com.



lally2 -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 10:28:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousNtexas

How does one recognize a real dom,
 
when youve been around for a while youll realise how funny this question is and understand the slightly and not so slightly sarcastic responses. 

Does being less strict make them less of dom? Does being unable/unwilling to punish deny him is title as Master?
 
if you switched the word strict for 'in control' you might suss them out a little easier.  anyone can order someone about, get uppity and forceful.  but when you find youreself being manoevered along in a controlled and frankly horny, inescapable way youre probably symbiosing nicely.

punishment is not the premis.  willingness to punish isnt necessarily a good thing.  unwillingness to punish might well suggest that the dom in question has a balanced approach to Ds and does not correllate 'willing' and 'punishment' in the same sentance as healthy or desireable.

what is a Dom? -
 
it is a bipedal lifeform often indistinguishable from its homosapien male/female counterparts.  usually the only way to discern one from the other is to engage in  conversation and go from there.






InvisibleBlack -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 11:31:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousNtexas
How does one recognize a real dom, from someone who is just filling a role from time to time? Does being less strict make them less of dom? Does being unable/unwilling to punish deny him is title as Master? What is a Dom, and makes them such?


Becoming a True Dom is a long and arduous procedure that requires the most serious mind and dedication. One must journey to a far country and there scale the mountain, including the sheer cliff that leads to the monastry-fortress where reside the Nine Masters. To be granted an audience, one must answer the Sacred Riddle, journey through the daunting Corridor of Ice, perform three impossible tasks and enter the Cave of the Horny Dragon. There is also an essay question.

Should you pass these tests, the Nine Masters will consider your plea to become their disciple. You then must pay your tuition by undertaking a dangerous quest which can take more than a year to complete. After that the training will begin. Of the forty-six degrees of mastery, I only attained the third.



GotSteel -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 9:11:41 PM)

lolkink was hilarious.



Acer49 -> RE: Real dom? (8/22/2009 11:26:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousNtexas

How does one recognize a real dom, from someone who is just filling a role from time to time? Does being less strict make them less of dom? Does being unable/unwilling to punish deny him is title as Master? What is a Dom, and makes them such?


I would assume one must observe how a dominant carries him/herself in more than a scene or play type atmosphere.
Being strict does not make you a Dominant. Some Doms require a more structured dynamic others do not. Some subs respond to a very strict and structured dynamic, others work better in a softer atmosphere. A smart Dom is one who is flexible. A dominant does not need to punish to be considered a Dom; however he must be willing to correct and alter unacceptable behaviors



Ladyofthemanor -> RE: Real dom? (8/23/2009 7:49:47 AM)

First off, what is a REAL dom?  I hate that word, "real" there is only right for you.  There is not real or fake out there.  Also, a Dom not punishing a sub or slave doesn't discount them as being a true Dom/Master.  My Master's own philosophy is this,  that if you punish a slave, then she will start serving out of the fear of being punished, rather then the enjoyment of serving her Master.   Master doesn't not physically punish me, but we have talked about my short comings and how I can improve my slavery to him. 

What makes a Dom a Dom, depends on what you are looking for a sub or a slave.  I truly believe a Dom is not a one size fits all, just like a sub can't be a one size fits all to a Dom.  There has to interests that not only match up kink/lifestyle wise but also vanilla interests and hobbies for the relationship to work.

Remember bdsm kink is only about 10-15% of your life, the other part you still live in the vanilla world of career, kids, car, house, bills, and non lifestyle friends.





ranja -> RE: Real dom? (8/25/2009 2:43:09 PM)

i saw one at the supermarket the otherday, about 45 years old, he had greasy combed back hair, he wore a black shirt, jeans and motor boots and had a woman with him who wore a big black dog collar (and some other garments) and she was carrying all the shopping bags... i recon if a man and woman of that age go around like that to the supermarket they must be at it 24-7 pretty seriously... i had such a good time looking at them

my Husband is much more difficult to spot but most definitely a real dom too... He is not always strict and can not always be bothered to punish me with whips and floggers... i do not wear a dog collar when i go for groceries but i do carry all the bags.



LaTigresse -> RE: Real dom? (8/25/2009 2:45:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

i saw one at the supermarket the otherday, about 45 years old, he had greasy combed back hair, he wore a black shirt, jeans and motor boots and had a woman with him who wore a big black dog collar (and some other garments) and she was carrying all the shopping bags... i recon if a man and woman of that age go around like that to the supermarket they must be at it 24-7 pretty seriously... i had such a good time looking at them



Orrrrrrrrrr, they were on their way to a costume party and he had a medical reason he could not carry anything....

The costume does not make the man, or woman.



daintydimples -> RE: Real dom? (8/25/2009 3:08:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousNtexas

How does one recognize a real dom, from someone who is just filling a role from time to time?

Someone filling the role from time to time is still a "real" dom, but some like to call those people tops. Top means the person has no vested interest in the relationship beyond an appointed play time.

If you're asking how do you know if someone is "pretending" to be dom,  all I can say is, over time you will learn to discern submissive and dominant characteristics, and you'll be better able to answer this for yourself. In general, the uber alpha males with the all capped nicks, those are posers. Now, they might still be dominant, they are just not very good dominants.



Does being less strict make them less of dom?

All dominants have their own style, strictness or lack of it is very arbitrary.



Does being unable/unwilling to punish deny him is title as Master?

Not all dominants or masters use punishment. Do a search on these terms, then you will be able to begin to form your own opinions.


What is a Dom, and makes them such?

A dominant (noun) is a person with dominant (adjective) personality characteristics. That they have these characteristics does not make them a good dominant, or into BDSM, or anything else.

In general, dominants tend to be good leaders. But that is very subjective. Some situations call for in your face do what I say now leadership (the house is on fire, we need to get out). Other situations call for leading by example or consensus (we live in an old house, let's all be careful about fire hazards. I'll go first by only smoking outside, and extinguishing my butts in a safe place.)






I used to have a great link to a website that spelled out how to spot a good dominant, but I lost it in a reformat. Hope this helps.



Arpig -> RE: Real dom? (8/25/2009 4:41:22 PM)

quote:

(Question aside, why is dom so often spelled with a small d ?)
I don't know, maybe because its a common noun and therefore supposed to be spelled with a lower case "d"?



curiousNtexas -> RE: Real dom? (8/28/2009 12:29:21 AM)

lol. i just wanted to thank everyone who replied to my post. it was quite educational and not what i expected. thank you for helping me grow and learn. (and laugh [;)])
~kitten



IronBear -> RE: Real dom? (8/28/2009 1:57:15 AM)

Trying to define "Real Dom" is something like trying to define "Really Good Fishing", "Real Football" or even a "Real Hero". So much is dependant on the individual or even a collective view of what constitutes firstly the term "Real" and then what they see as the rest of the label. I suppose in each case a "Real *****" is how you see it and to come degree what the group/society see it to be. What is Real or Genuine for me mat not be Real or Genuine for me without even trying to decide which of the "Real *****" is the best of that label category. There has been some really good posts in this thread just as there has been some jolly amusing ones both are excellent reading.



aldompdx -> RE: Real dom? (8/29/2009 1:24:43 AM)

I hear many answers in the negative or defensive.

Through personal experience, one gains the wisdom to discern when something is real, even if subjective. As Plato quoted Socrates, "First know [it within] thyself."

The answer is a simple as knowing the difference between real and imitation mango flavor. You must first experience what you consider to be your own subjective reference point, from which to compare the target subject. I.e., start tasting mangos. Explore the control (or surrender) within yourself. Remember, surrender is from the exercise of control to freely choose with self will. "Real" surrender requires the personal experience of "real" control, and vice versa.



IronBear -> RE: Real dom? (8/29/2009 9:11:48 AM)

Must I really have to complete the taste test on mangos old chap? Neets lives on them in season and I use them to make all manner of goodies for her but I find them rather bland..

Real Doms are alike Old Fishermen and Old Soldiers, they never die but smell like it and fade away. If you want to appear top be a real Dom, don't wash for a week but you need to raise a sweet daily and bonk a lot. At the end of that time rub your self with the sweaty mess from your crotch and there you are everyone will believe you are a "Real" Dom.



happylittlepet -> RE: Real dom? (8/29/2009 9:53:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Trying to define "Real Dom" is something like trying to define "Really Good Fishing", "Real Football" or even a "Real Hero". So much is dependant on the individual or even a collective view of what constitutes firstly the term "Real" and then what they see as the rest of the label. I suppose in each case a "Real *****" is how you see it and to come degree what the group/society see it to be. What is Real or Genuine for me mat not be Real or Genuine for me without even trying to decide which of the "Real *****" is the best of that label category. There has been some really good posts in this thread just as there has been some jolly amusing ones both are excellent reading.


This post and the one below, from Aldompdx, led to this:

It's funny that I had to think of Plato too. Plato promoted the idea that there are concepts we 'know' that we have not encountered in their perfect form on earth. How can we 'know' those concepts? Plato said 'we have seen that concept/shape in the heavens before we were born'. Nowadays this is probably called an innate idea; we don't know how we acquired it, but we understand it anyways. What is love/Love, what is Virtue? I try, but it's impossible to completely grasp it, yet I do understand it when I see it/think about it. 

This might be the same with the idea of 'real' dom. This term/question comes up so often on those forums that I can't but take it serious. It's not because people want the 'perfect' one. They try to understand the concept, the template, behind it, in order to recognize it when they encounter it. Therefore I also have to know what it is not. I don't think we are born with an innate idea about what a Dom is. Thus I want/have to try to create a template, this then is an acquired idea (I am still trying to figure out whether this is totally correct - bear with me).

I 'know', I understand, what is meant with 'real dom', yet I can't put it into words. I compare those I meet with the 'acquired idea' and the more they overlap, the more I 'know' I see the 'real' thing.

Also, it is important to perceive/discern if a person is who s/he says s/he is. Otherwise I could put myself at risk, especially in the BDSM environment. The use of 'real' is to compare against 'fake', or worse, as in hidden abuser, manipulator, psychopath, etc.



Lostkitten3 -> RE: Real dom? (8/29/2009 9:58:42 AM)

If you love him and you fulfill his needs and he fulfills yours



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