stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007 From: SW London (UK) Status: offline
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Personally I find the last things I need when considering relationships are mathematics and logic.. understanding human nature however is essential. I'm defined only by me, not by any of my relationships. My ability to seek, find and give happiness is constant. From my perspective right at this moment in time being in a relationship isn't better, it's just different to what is now. I am assuming here of course that the other person in the relationship, when it forms, will cause it to be better, as will my own efforts and will to develop and continue the relationship. I'm not looking for 4143-B, because I'm not entirely sure I have 4143-A. You see I once thought I had 4143-A, but it actually turned out to be 5372-Z. Or it might just be that I don't have 4143-A but may develop 4143-A if I encounter someone who has 8767-C, but they also might have 5224-D which causes me to have 3097-F and one or the other of us are found to be incompatible. Personally I just see another person who makes an impression on me or they don't as I on them (or I don't) and we get to know each other, and as we get to know each other more and more intimately a relationship forms. A stable long term relationship? Dunno about that, come back and ask me in 10 years time. I don't believe in permanence or constants in a relationship, and therefore I don't seek them. Habits yes, proclivities yes, issues of course, but constants and permanence no. You see I'm changing, growing, developing and evolving, as is the other person, and also is the relationship. I don't want to be constant and permanent because it means I would be dead. I also believe in potential, and this is what I look for - not what is there already, but what could be, might be, and isn't the fun part of the early stages of the relationship discussing the potential in each other and the relationship? How else do you get to know each other? And while I don't believe you can ever accurately work out if there's any potential or not from a profile and photo, I do believe it comes out of the stuff relationships are made of - the interaction. Until there's interaction I'm of the view that you're guessing and engaged in nothing more than speculation. But then again try to form a relationship without any speculation. Can it be done? Here I'm sceptical. I do believe that you need both speculation and interaction. And here we come to the nitty gritty - are you inclined to be openminded and positive to both the speculation and interaction, or negative and critical? I disagree with the numbers philosophy because I am aware of and have attempted to calculate the odds on numerous occasions. And here, just like at the race track, dog track or even in the casino you have your bar, your favourites, your non-runners and 'the field'. It's a given that the vast majority of people you encounter won't see much of your potential and aren't attracted to forming an intimate relationship with you. Most often they are looking for someone else, something else, or 'friends and message board contacts only'. Another point is, quite often the people you attract aren't the same people as you are looking for. So what do you do? Pursue, or be pursued? Are you prepared to give that person a chance to get to know you? Furthermore, are you able to work out they are interested? There's no way round it, forming a relationship is risky and based on speculation. Which is as it should be, for you are an individual. But what this comes down to is are you defined by you or your lack of a relationship? What is more consistent, your ability to seek, find and give happiness or your obsession with unhappiness, lack, deprivation and ability to whine, complain, bitch and generally spread misery? I know, we've all done it, I've done it myself - when I didn't have something I felt I was entitled to I created, whined, bitched and threw a wobbly. But I was three years old at the time. Since then I've learned a considerable number of things, and one of them is life is not about what you say, but about what you do. And when you end up doing something which isn't bringing you fulfillment or causing happiness you go out and actively seek change.
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