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Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 1:23:43 AM

shadowpleasure

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/18/2009
Status: offline

I'm new to this lifestyle, with no experience yet. I'm really enjoying reading everything I find and chatting with people, but I'm still nervous. I'm wondering if any of you could share stories with me about how you might have met people, got started, or even found your dom (something I'm looking forward to more than anything).

Thank you very much. Looking forward to reading my mail!

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 4:22:24 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I began on alt. I contacted some women there and a few developed enough of a rapport to meet. We met, we talked, we played, but the chemistry didn't justify more than that. I also joined a local spanking group around that time.

Then I met a submissive that was mine for maybe five months. She brought me to local BDSM groups where she had connections.

I don't know what to tell you except get out there and meet people.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to shadowpleasure)

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 7:29:12 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

All I can say is to take your time in meeting someone and forging a D/s relationship. Just don't do what I had when I first started out, in a six month period I went from being green behind the ears to being a collared slave to a master. It inevitably crashed and burned 3 months later and luckily I remained relatively unscathed!

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

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(in reply to shadowpleasure)

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 8:23:32 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I spent a couple of months just reading the boards, asking questions and figuring out what I wanted. Not just in terms of sex but in terms of everything. I needed someone without any anger issues, who was as devoted to his kids as I am to mine, someone who was interested in bondage and sex and not s & m.

When I got mail, I read the profiles first. If there was any indications of incompatibility I sent them a thanks but no thanks email.

After about a month I finally got an email from someone with no glaringly obvious incompatibilities. We started writing. After a week or two, progressed to chat, another couple of weeks and went to phone. Then met and continued exploring.

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Slave to laundry

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 8:28:42 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I met my Master right here on CM. I was hear fro maybe about a year met some prople no spark then i got a mail from Master, we talked for about 2 months by phone then on Feb26,2006 we met. I felt that click the spark and here we are over 3 years later.

To the Op don't try to push or rush it. Just go to munches mett people i met my Master here, but the more people you get out and meet the better your chance of finding your match,

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 1:40:38 PM

Chastenedslave

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

I met my first Mistress in a park while walking my dog, and she was walking hers. I was the tender age of 16 and this was many moons ago ( ok, ok before people jump up and down it is legal in the UK thank god/dess) We walked at the same time everyday; at silly o'clock in the morning so as we were the only ones there we would chat about this and that and before long we found out our interests wore compatible. I was with her for a few years before she decided that I should go off and experience what the world had to offer. Which I did. We still talk on the phone now and then and by e-mail. If you are looking for a bit of play and a fun then go for it and enjoy yourself. Its out there to be found if you look hard enough and live in a city. If you are looking for a relationship the best bit of advice I can give to you is try to get to know the person and not the role they fill. Find out what they are like as a human being outside of the role they will have in the relationship. It really is no different from how the rest of the world finds a life partner. In some ways it is more important for people like us I have seen a lot of subs both male and female run off and be collared saying they are going to be 24/7 with the first reasonably sane dom/dommi they find after going from not knowing what they want to knowing everything in a week. No amount of advice seems to make any difference, I think it's a bit like teenagers trying new things. They won't be told. The best you can hope for is that they learn and come out reasonably intact.

(in reply to littleone35)

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 2:21:52 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

In college. We dated for a while, and I was about to break up with her because I knew I could not be happy forever doing the vanilla dance. Somehow the subjects of female domination and BDSM came up. I think we were discussing a dream one of us had had. After talking for a while, she decided that she wanted a femdom type of relationship. She really was a natural. With my hindsight goggles on, it all seems so obvious now.

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/21/2009 6:20:21 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I had been dating vanilla for 3 years when I met someone who brought up the concept of D/s to me and I found myself very interested in the subject. BDSM on the whole resonated with me very much. So much so that when things didn't work out with this person I decided I didn't want to go back to meeting men within a vanilla context, I wanted a Dom in my life. I signed up here and have been looking and learning ever since...

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/22/2009 7:57:00 AM

sunshinedreams

Posts: 181
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

I had been looking in my local area and online for that special Dom, with very little success. I made some friends, but none that I would call a match. Then I started dating a vanilla man I had been acquainted with for years. I already knew he was trustworthy and non-judgemental, so I took the chance and told him I am submissive in relationships, and how that would inevitably color ours. He agreed to try things out with that dynamic and it has evolved into a wonderful relationship.

(in reply to lizi)

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/22/2009 8:30:19 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Heh...met him here on the boards. He quietly stalked me for a few years and once I was aware that he existed I couldn't get to him fast enough.
Luckily, we only lived about twenty minutes from each other, so that made his stakeouts easier. 8)
I don't know who's more of a freak because of that...him for pursuing me like he did or me for not running screaming from him, but rather to him.

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The Red

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RE: Finding your first. - 8/23/2009 3:29:22 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowpleasure

I'm new to this lifestyle, with no experience yet. I'm really enjoying reading everything I find and chatting with people, but I'm still nervous. I'm wondering if any of you could share stories with me about how you might have met people, got started, or even found your dom (something I'm looking forward to more than anything).

Thank you very much. Looking forward to reading my mail!

i met a girl many moons ago that was into the lifestyle and had the good fortune to have friends that were curious as well. i suppose we all explored simultaneously and shared our experiences. after time passed i decided i wanted to do something different and opted for the bottom side of the paddle instead. i have never looked back. although i do enjoy switching from time to time, different subject though in my case.

i believe patience and common sense are the most under utilized tools and the ones that will come in most during your journey. a willingness to define what you want and to have the guts to stick it out and wait, because it won't happen overnight. lastly, keeping your head and not losing your noodle over every mishap or supposedly perfect one that you find that turns out to be a disappointment.

many of the same things you'd apply towards non exchange based relations are useful in this arena. no matter how good they sound or how eloquent the speech or text may be, it is moot until you've experienced it face to face. while there could be an element of truth in the things stated and their intentions could be honorable, the reverse can and is often true as well. enjoy the journey. best of luck.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

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