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Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 5:33:44 AM

LillyoftheVally

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Joined: 7/22/2009
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Ok, so a few threads on abuse cropping up over the place, it got me thinking.

Being a submissive is part of me, therefore part of my child development. Without the childhood I had I would not be who I am, and this is true for everyone whether abuse is there or not. I fall into the stereotype submissive, prolific self harmer, sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused, but still I view my childhood generally as a happy one. Anyway the fact that I fall into that category means what? Does it mean that I am damaged? Probably, but then show me someone who isnt.

I can be a mess of low self esteem, nerves, shyness, fear just like everyone else can at times. I think self reflection is a wonderful thing, but sometimes we take it too far. So my submission may be a response to needing approval to do anything, it may be borne of self loathing evident by my scars, it could be my warped attitude to sex, but here is the kicker, I bloody love it! I feel the safest, most secure, happiest when I am consumed by submission, the moment I relinquish power is the moment I feel strongest.

Who cares is it came from abuse? Who cares if it is not seen as healthy, for me at the moment it is how I feel best, the moment that stops happening is the moment I will walk away.

We are all products of our past, be it that we view them as 'normal' or 'nurturing' or 'abusive' Every single person is on this site because of what came before. And I cant help but think, who cares?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

Post #: 1

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 5:43:51 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Its all about self-awareness. If you are not aware of your motivations, you may be compelled to repeat the same mistakes- all the while wondering why.

Its not about dwelling on the things that you don't feel are helpful to you, to dwell on. Its about learning, so you can move forward.

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(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 2

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 5:45:11 AM

Prinsexx

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Dear Lils:
Well said.
As they say: it's not where we're from it's where we're going that counts.
(As an aside: I do sometimes sense a latent blame placed upon the 'victim'.
Now if we were talking about substance abuse no-one really points the finger at the line of coke do they? Raging war against the substance doesn't work does it?).
Likewise blaming the sub for admitting to an abusive past?
Just a thought on this happy Saturday.

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Post #: 3

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:11:19 AM

dreamerdreaming

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Post #: 4

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:14:42 AM

TurboJugend

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Joined: 6/15/2009
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quote:

Who cares is it came from abuse? Who cares if it is not seen as healthy, for me at the moment it is how I feel best, the moment that stops happening is the moment I will walk away.

indeed...but some people can't walk away. That is why it is good to discuss it...but not to judge it.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 5

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:14:48 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I think it does help to know where it comes from, in case you still aren't happy and are blaming your partner or your relationship for stuff that actually comes from your past.

If everything is good, then your baggage is neatly packed up on a shelf where it belongs. If it's all over and you're tripping over it daily, then you need to address the why.

_____________________________

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Post #: 6

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:16:03 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think it does help to know where it comes from, in case you still aren't happy and are blaming your partner or your relationship for stuff that actually comes from your past.

Yup, and I also think constantly blaming the past is equally as bad.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:21:46 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think it does help to know where it comes from, in case you still aren't happy and are blaming your partner or your relationship for stuff that actually comes from your past.

Yup, and I also think constantly blaming the past is equally as bad.

It shouldn't be about blaming this or that. It should be about seeking and understanding the cause..and then solve it.
And that means to look at all options..past and present.

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 8/22/2009 6:22:12 AM >

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 8

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:24:13 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I agree Mr Turbo

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to TurboJugend)

Post #: 9

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:31:26 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Ok, so a few threads on abuse cropping up over the place, it got me thinking.

Being a submissive is part of me, therefore part of my child development. Without the childhood I had I would not be who I am, and this is true for everyone whether abuse is there or not. I fall into the stereotype submissive, prolific self harmer, sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused, but still I view my childhood generally as a happy one. Anyway the fact that I fall into that category means what? Does it mean that I am damaged? Probably, but then show me someone who isnt.

I can be a mess of low self esteem, nerves, shyness, fear just like everyone else can at times. I think self reflection is a wonderful thing, but sometimes we take it too far. So my submission may be a response to needing approval to do anything, it may be borne of self loathing evident by my scars, it could be my warped attitude to sex, but here is the kicker, I bloody love it! I feel the safest, most secure, happiest when I am consumed by submission, the moment I relinquish power is the moment I feel strongest.

Who cares is it came from abuse? Who cares if it is not seen as healthy, for me at the moment it is how I feel best, the moment that stops happening is the moment I will walk away.

We are all products of our past, be it that we view them as 'normal' or 'nurturing' or 'abusive' Every single person is on this site because of what came before. And I cant help but think, who cares?

I am going to throw something totally alien to most out there.

I come from a very good family; very loving, very caring, very 'gentle'.

Yet, I am not.

I absolutly thrive on violence and the pain brought about from violence.
I love ABUSE; absolutly love being abused.

Not the 'fluffy, oh please hurt me kind'' that BDSM believes is good and proper, but the 'oh fuck, hes gonna kick me again' kind that society thinks they need to rescue everyone from.

I like it. I enjoy it. I look for it. I instigate it.

All this talk about past abuse and how it shapes us to be who we are today.

What about those few people in the world who come from non-abuse only to actively search for abusive relationships when they are older simply because that is what makes them happy, secure, content, and alive?

It goes both ways ya know

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 10

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:34:01 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

Is it abuse when you enjoy it? that is one question I have.
And otherwise you are very sure and always was about what you like. That is a good thing.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 11

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:36:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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Absolutely Irish, and what about those who came from abusive families and went to live 'average happy vanilla' existences.My point is that it doesn't really matter where we came from simply who we are now, that it doesnt have to be because of abuse or lack of, that actually it just is. And as you say (and as I am aware from the comments you have made before) your particular brand of BDSM is one that would cause many to cover their mouths with their hands and scream for salvation. However you know that you enjoy what you enjoy and therefore regardless of social assumptions of 'normal' and 'healthy' it is 'normal' and 'healthy' to you, which I think is the most important thing

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 12

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:37:23 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

Is it abuse when you enjoy it? that is one question I have.
And otherwise you are very sure and always was about what you like. That is a good thing.

Good question "is it abuse if you enjoy it'...and one that I can't answer because obviously, I see abuse differently than others do.

What I have had in the past and what it would take to make me happy again; 99% of the people in the world would run screaming from it straight to the authorities to press charges.

Until someone comes up with a better word to describe it, I am perfectly happy using the word abuse...it totally explains what I like in terms that others can understand.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to TurboJugend)

Post #: 13

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:40:11 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

Agree..I think abuse is as difficult to describe in the lifestyle as rape/rapeply.
But if both want it and have a clear head..then it is fine.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:41:22 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend
have a clear head..

Christ is a clear head a requirement, dammit

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to TurboJugend)

Post #: 15

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:43:19 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

go stand in a storm..it will blow clear :P

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 16

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:46:53 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend
have a clear head..

Christ is a clear head a requirement, dammit

Darn, I guess that leaves me out of the running also

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 17

RE: Bugger it I enjoy it - 8/22/2009 6:51:18 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

lol

no I meant..in the other thread the OP worried. You always knew what you want and enjoyed.
No uncertainties...a clear head

ok..perhaps waterheads are ok :P

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 18

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