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MaamJay -> RE: What is the end of a D/s relationship? (8/23/2009 3:35:15 PM)
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OK My takes on this as both Domme and sub!
Jay first - as a Domme I totally echo what Jeff has said (His is definitely one of the more rational voices on these boards!). Yes it IS possible (but not necessarily desirable) to condition someone so they lose the capacity to make decisions for themselves, or to readapt back to independent life. You don't even have to be a Dominant or to have done it deliberately! In older couples, I've seen it upon the death of old-fashioned husbands who for example, always managed the money - the widow flounders, in some cases not even knowing how to fill in a bank slip or a cheque! And doing a tax return ... well! It can take them quite a while in their grief to learn how to do such things, and it takes a lot of family support and patience and help. So I agree with Jeff in that a wise Dominant makes the sub/slave do things for themselves from time to time and so keeps up their skills. The same goes for financial independence. The sub/slave needs to have money of their own put by and to be provided for in the Dominant's Will etc so they won't be penniless should the relationship end in any way. To fail to do this is, in My opinion, to fail as a Dominant. So, in summary, yes it is possible to condition someone to be dependent, but as Lockit says, that's not a healthy approach for the girl especially. Though I also don't think it's healthy for the Dominant as the dependence tends to be mutual. If a Dom can only get a beer when His slave crawls to Him with it ... how will He manage without her? [;)] (Oh btw, You said that was a physical impossibility ... well I saw a dog on TV balance a glass of water on his head and climb stairs ... [:D]).
violet's turn - as a sub, i know that conditioning is possible and sometimes it's inadvertent! Master has always required me to ask permission to go to the toilet. Now, even before i met Him i suffered from "middleaged woman's bladder" in that it didn't give much warning of needing to go! i'd seen a female urologist and physio and things had improved a bit but could still be dodgy at times. Over time (Master and i have been 24/7 since June 04), a curious thing happened. Master now has better control over my bladder than i do! If i feel "caught short" He only has to say "NOT till you're sitting on the toilet" and truly it's like magic! The feeling entirely goes away and i can walk in a totally controlled fashion to the toilet, not doing that slightly-cross-legged walk which is the best i can manage on my own. Of course, it's very important that He says just the right words ... the time He said "not till you reach the toilet" and my perverted brain took that to mean reaching the toilet door ... *sigh*, that was a bit messy! He quite likes to play with His power by sometimes insisting when i sit down i have to count to 3, or 5, or 10 or whatever. It never ceases to amaze me that it works for Him LOL! He never intended this to happen, it was not deliberate, but it's proved useful, though at times He finds it a bit of a nuisance interruption, He realises that now it's a done deal. He's threatened (in a play sense) to likewise train me to orgasm at the word "Master" ... but as we use a MASTERCARD ... He's decided that wouldn't be smart LOL!
Just one extra thing - there are times too, when the sub realises Master needs experience at something she could easily handle and a wise Dominant takes that on board. i've bought and sold several houses, Master (being younger) had not bought one until we moved 2.5 years ago. It was financially better for us for Him to buy it (govt concessions etc), but He was wanting me to handle all the arrangements. i thought hard about it and then said "Respectfully no, Master. i believe this is a life skill that You should have too, You need to go through the process." He reluctantly took that on board and did so, and also handled the sale to take up the new mobile lifestyle we now have. He didn't enjoy the process, but did agree it was a worthwhile experience.
And yes, our finances are arranged so both of us will be as ok as we can be should anything happen to the other. That's being responsible!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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