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maia09 -> RE: rule lapses in Dom's absence (8/27/2009 1:36:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: wildflower26
I'm in a fairly new D/s relationship. I am a slave on lease right now.
Anyway, my Dom goes on business trips fairly often, and very soon into this relationship, he left for one for four days. He has set several rules that are designed to help me out in my life -- rules regarding things like eating, going to sleep at reasonable times, pretty reasonable stuff.
When he left for the trip, a young part of me was afraid he wouldn't come back. That, particularly with this being such a new relationship, he may use his time away to reconsider the relationship.
Following these rules deeply bonds the little girl side of me to the Dom, and I was scared to follow them with him gone for that reason.
He's back from his trip and worried about what my abandonment fears might mean for the relationship and if this is something we can both handle -- my trauma history (I am in therapy) and my kid side/s.
The plan as of now is to keep talking this through. He also plans to deliver some fairly severe punishment to keep this from happening in future.
I need to find ways to cope with the lostness I feel when he's gone for days and find ways to keep things on track and to keep a sense of trust and of his presence. I highly suspect those things will come with more time in the relationship.
Pretty hungry for thoughts on all this....enlighten a new slave/leasee?
The "lostness" as you describe it, imho, simply amounts to you wanting FROM him, rather than contributing TO him. You've termed yourself a slave. i can only relate to my own understanding of that word. To me a slave is one who serves the Owner, who seeks ways to be useful and make his life easier, not someone who craves his attention all the time. Now, you are new both to the lifestyle and one another. But i agree, your abandonment issues are not new and they're something to stand face to face with. Your feelings are your responsibility not your Owners. Fear is something we all have to face regardless of its type or apparent reason. In all honesty i don't know what will be accomplished with punishment, as this is how you feel, not something you've done to disobey - or did your fear cause you to disobey him? Oh and btw, i have no idea what this leasee thing is. Typically a lease warrents a specific amount of time. Has that been provided? Yes, communication is critical. However, i also think one needs to understand that there are things that are the slave's responsibility and things that are the Master's responsibility.
In our relationship i am not with Master from Sunday evening through to Friday evening. So, in essence i am with Him for weekends, holidays, vacation etc. When away from Him i things to do and develop to keep myself an interesting and useful asset to Him, not someone who's shivering because of what He may or may not do, think or not think. If nothing else a slave with a healthy concept of the assets she offers is valuable to an Owner. One who looks to the Owner to provide what they need and want all the time becomes only another chore for them to handle.
i attempted to look at your profile and found none. i have no idea how old you are. But in any event, if you desire to be a slave, i recommend thinking carefully about what that means and what it entails realistically. It's an extremely rewarding life, but not always easy. Sometimes the best service a slave can provide is to wait for the Master's return in the state of contentment. Hope this helps.
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