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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 3:32:23 PM   
IronBear


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Decorum is everything, after liberty, of course.




Here! Here! Jolly well said.


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 3:44:51 PM   
DavanKael


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Status: offline 		I really couldn't care less what consenting adults do as long as they don't harm anyone who isn't consenting to it and it doesn't cost me and/or mine freedoms or financial anything. 
  Davan

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 4:16:43 PM   
VanityFix


Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline 		So I wonder then can we really ever expect standard responses? i think a certain tact and acceptance should be expected.

Do we all draw the moral and ethical line in different places?
i feel i hold different(not better or worse just my own) morals and ethics than a good majority of people around me net or real world, but generally things seem about standard for the gritty stuff (TOs type things)

'Should' we as members of an 'alt' grouping be more laid back?
i think if you have ever received harsh criticism, been ostracized, attacked or had hate directed towards you, you may want to think of the fond memories of what that was like before attacking someone for their views/beliefs, especially if it is within the same area (ex. what you do in bed).
"should?" tho, everyone is judged and discriminated against an alt group is no different, it might be a bit more open in matters of sexuality, but im sure you will have just as many racists or other such bigots around here as anywhere

Do we owe it to bdsm to be welcoming and encouraging of different kinks?
no, but its a big gritty world so you might want to be nice to the folks that could be/are allies in your causes.

Or are there still boundaries? yup risky uneasy ground, hardlimits to taboos, there will always be changing boundaries in whats acceptable on a personal and social level

It is true that many folk not involved in wiitwd would think us disgusting, so for that reason does it change how we view the world? i quit giving a shit about how the general population felt about my private life a long time ago, i just use caution and i am aware of where its good or bad to be "out"

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 4:45:43 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Honestly, I think sometimes they should change the name of the site from CollarMe to DefineMe.

ROFL. I may neverr make a good Odalisque because I just can't see worshipping a body part. But if you keep posting things like this, I may start worshipping you.


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 5:06:27 PM   
Sunnyfey


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mrbob726

In the US, it matters not what party affliation a politician has - all are corrupt - not just republicans - 



*sighs* so much for us being open minded


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 5:08:59 PM   
BitaTruble


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fr

I'm not laid back because of BDSM.. I'm laid back because I smoked a lot of pot. When you're feining for munches, you don't have the inclination to get in anyone's face because of what they're doing.. just hand me a bag of Cheetos and I'm good. It's a people thing. I grew up in the 60's. Dad not around, mom a pot-smoking, alcoholic, coke-head, band groupie who would take off for days at a time so that my brother and I had to, mostly, raise ourselves. Virtutally no adult supervision (so no training) and just let it all hang out, man. Nature, nurture, San Francisco, time period.. it all played its part in how I think.

YKIOK - seriously and I expect the same in return and if I don't get it, no problem. I don't need anyone's approval for what I do and no one needs mine but BDSM really doesn't have a thing to do with how I am.. I've always been this way for as far back as I can remember.

I don't think the world's population is as fucked up as people think it is because i don't think the vast majority are all that fucked up. Sure, there are elements, fundies of whatever nature, but over all, I'm a glass half-full kinda girl, take things at face value for the most part and if I could, yeah, there's a few things (a true multi-party political system for starters!) I would change, but the diversity is sweet and I get to learn new stuff because we're all so different in likes & dislikes. Never did learn as much about someone because of something they disliked, but what they liked has opened my eyes to trying out a lot of different things for myself and I found that I liked some of that stuff, too.

Do 'we' owe it to BDSM to be laid back? Hell no.. BDSM is just an acronym. It's not a living, breathing entity that is deserving or has earned anything. It's place is for my use in whatever ways I want to use it (with the caveat that's it's actually up to Himself now). I can't even say that 'we' owe the people who come into it anything either .. but on a personal level, "I" owe those people, the new people, the old people, the in-between people a little something.. sharing knowledge, volunteering some of my time to various causes etc. "I" owe it because "I" think it's the right thing for me to do. I appreciate the diversity and what it has allowed me to know of myself, so I pay it forward and maybe someone will do something nice for one of my descendants or one of my friends descendants one day and they'll pay it forward, too. I may not bring anything profound or spectacular to this little ball of dirt before I leave it, but it would be nice if I didn't fuck it up on my way out.


MMV and almost always does

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 5:45:00 PM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		I'm not accepting of everyone here. I don't think we should tolerate everything and everyone here or anywhere else. I am nice to some people, not so nice to others.

People here are no different than anywhere else from my experience.

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 8:08:49 PM   
Musicmystery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Honestly, I think sometimes they should change the name of the site from CollarMe to DefineMe.

ROFL. I may neverr make a good Odalisque because I just can't see worshipping a body part. But if you keep posting things like this, I may start worshipping you.



Thank you.

I knew you'd come around...they always do...





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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 8:28:52 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		If asked what I think I will say what I think. If what someone actually wanted was coddling and approval, they may be sorely disappointed. I am NOT open minded. I know! Such a shocker! I have my own beliefs about things. I know what I would and would NOT accept within the confines of my own life, relationships, and world around me. That has absolutely no bearing on what others may do. I can accept what a person does without condoning it. I can nurture the person without giving assent to their choices. I may occasionally see it helpful to others to attempt to win them to my ways, but I don't believe anyone can be forced into a belief system or a set of values. No one should ever expect me to be anything other than me. I will have whatever stubborn, jack assed opinions I please! LOL

lovingpet

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/24/2009 9:18:12 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

So I wonder then can we really ever expect standard responses?

I had been under the mistaken impression that being part of a social minority might impart a greater sense of empathy for similar situations across the board and have watched that mistaken hypothesis get buried.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Do we all draw the moral and ethical line in different places?

Yeah. People will draw their lines tight around the kinks or ideals they personally can understand and/or enjoy. With communities as these, sometimes there's even the added aloofness issue of being "Xer than thou", where X is whatever trait is favorable in a specific discussion dealing with a part of WIITWD.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

'Should' we as members of an 'alt' grouping be more laid back?

It would be nice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Do we owe it to bdsm to be welcoming and encouraging of different kinks?

We owe it to ourselves unless we are fond of hypocrisy as a cute personal quirk.


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 12:04:10 AM   
SailingBum


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Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		There is no reason to think that one "group" of ppl is anymore moral, open minded, truthful than any other "group".  My experience has been I have run into a whole lot more lairs on line than in RL.  I suspect it is due to the difficulty in verifying their particular situation due to the distances involved.  The party doing the "story telling" realizes this and plans accordingly.

BadOne


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 7:57:46 AM   
antipode


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quote:

how we view the world?


There is no such thing as "we". You're not part of any group. We are all individuals, and if you think there is such a thing as an identifier or a rule book, that's all in your head.

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 8:12:54 AM   
LillyoftheVally


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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

how we view the world?


There is no such thing as "we". You're not part of any group. We are all individuals, and if you think there is such a thing as an identifier or a rule book, that's all in your head.



I can't help but wonder, how if you do not identify in some regard to the term 'alt' as my op clarified, you come to be posting on a BDSM board, but then Im not that well informed of psychological matters so probably best I leave that alone.

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 8:27:05 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not really part of a collective "we" here, because the "we" here is made up of SO many different variables.  Those of us who post here happen to enjoy kink/bdsm/whatever you enjoy, but that doesn't mean we all think and feel the same, or have the same moral codes, boundaries, sense of ethics, etc.  "We" consists of a group of unique individuals who come to a message board (or munch, etc.) to share stories and ideas.  I don't think that makes anyone more or less accepting of others as people. 

Speaking for myself, I am more open minded and tolerant of others - much more than I used to be - because of what I've read here and the people I've come to know.  But I mentioned that in my first post to this thread.  I just wanted to address the "we" factor - "we" are all different and not of one collective mind.  This could be why certain replies in this thread do not relate to "we." 

Just my two (more) cents.


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 8:28:39 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		People tend to group together when of a "like" mind.  Being like-minded is not same-minded.  But even on a site where there can be no clear consensus to what BDSM means, how would the individuals who frequent this site ever agree on anything?

What is tolerance and why is it so damned wonderful?

What is acceptance and why does it have to be a desirable thing?

In the present era of political-correctness then only things we are allowed to hate are smokers, bikers and politicians.  It feels like we are expected to at least pretend to accept and/or tolerate everything else.

But in my opinion, the one thing I do accept and tolerate is that human beings are individuals, that something makes each person different and that those differences do not automatically make one person better or worse than anyone else.

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 9:19:52 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		What it boils down to, for me, is that I respect other people's right to do as they choose. That doesn't mean that I necessarily -agree- with what they do, but it doesn't mean I -don't-, either. Whether or not I accept that they have the right to do what they're doing, I -still- have an opinion on the general subject, regardless, and frankly, am not shy about -presenting- my perspective. The thing with boards like this is that people feel pretty free to express their opinions -- sometimes they're even able or willing to express opinions here that they would -never- speak face-to-face. Sometimes, that's not such a good thing, IMO. I know that, even with myself, there are times when I really should keep my opinions to myself--but in a medium like this, I tend to speak more freely and sometimes say things that are not well thought-through.

DC

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/25/2009 9:20:49 AM >

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 9:31:56 AM   
Eivarden


Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I do think people in the BDSM community are more open minded, but when you are normally considered the outcast, you usually try to defend your point of view.

In the case of BDSM, allot of people don't tell everyone, so the only person they can "defend their point of view" with, is themselves.

So in short, you get to thinking, Is this normal? Everyone else says it's not ok, is it really?
This way of thinking might be what got them to try BDSM or what got them to like it, despite what others say.

Or the person is just defiant, and chose something like BDSM, to be different. But I'm too tired right now to try and think of all of this in too much detail. ^^;

Though, I think my interest in BDSM was caused by my way of thinking, rather than BDSM caused my way of thinking.

But yeah, I still have my morals, and I have no problem changing them, if I feel the change is for the best.
Some decide, this is what I think, and no matter what facts come my way from here on out, I will ignore them in their entirety.

I'm also constantly going over my decisions, like "I think that this is wrong, do I still feel this way? Was there anything I've recently learned, that might show to me that I was wrong about this?"
Even if I have no reason to question something again, I still do it often, in case I ever do realize something obvious, that I just wasn't noticing before.

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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 11:03:46 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

So I wonder then can we really ever expect standard responses?

I had been under the mistaken impression that being part of a social minority might impart a greater sense of empathy for similar situations across the board and have watched that mistaken hypothesis get buried.

I think it's a result of the way the forum is structured. We're posting now under "General BDSM"...that's a pretty wide net. So, with that comes certain strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths, I guess, would be that there are a wide variety of people with a wide variety of viewpoints and experiences viewing this.

Weaknesses might be that, since this is a general forum and not a more specific one, there probably is a little bit of trending toward the middle, and things that are more on the margin of the margin, as it were, probably don't play well here in Peoria.


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RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 11:08:12 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		We are just as every one else..or better.... all are as different as everyone outside the lifestyle.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Where do we draw the line? - 8/25/2009 12:22:05 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

There have been a few threads, such as the abortion one, which assumed that talking to folk on a kink site will elicit responses more 'open minded' than anywhere else. I find this interesting, because you see to me we are just a group of people, some nice, some not, some young, some old, some left wing some right wing, etc etc.

So I wonder then can we really ever expect standard responses? Do we all draw the moral and ethical line in different places? 'Should' we as members of an 'alt' grouping be more laid back? Do we owe it to bdsm to be welcoming and encouraging of different kinks? Or are there still boundaries? It is true that many folk not involved in wiitwd would think us disgusting, so for that reason does it change how we view the world?

Just some general pondering.


We draw the line based upon our own comfortability levels based upon our own moral and ethical values we hold dear to ourselves.


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Profile   Post #: 40
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