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jaxstudent -> RE: Am I doing something wrong or is it this hard? (8/26/2009 8:06:59 AM)
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You know, it really isn't that hard...
I've been on this site for a few days and already I've read a bunch of threads with other guys complaining about how hard it is to communicate with real women on CM. I really haven't had a problem, and so far I've been looking for primarily Dommes. As I understand it, such a task is somewhat like running the gauntlet because of the ratios of male subs to Dommes, minus Dommes who only want females and pro-Dommes.
Okay, so I haven't met anyone in person yet, but I have gotten replies from all but one with CM mail. A few replies, as a matter of fact. Albeit one was a polite "thanks for your message, but I'm looking for a relationship and age difference, etc." Nevertheless, the only REAL problem I've had with Dommes on CM is lack of local quantity and NOT their quality (per-say). Oh, and the people on the forum are most certainly real and very cool people. Try messaging one of them, but for the love of God you should always be polite and interesting.
Interesting is really what you need to have going for you, kink, vanilla, or otherwise, if you want to meet a woman. I would imagine that not only are Dommes inundated with crappy messages or one-liners, but also with novels of slaves/subs trying to be as polite as possible talking about "serve serve serve serve" and making themselves come across about as interesting as cardboard flavored oatmeal. Yeah, of course you want to serve... you're on CM listed as sub/slave etc... and of course they know you want to do kink things... you're on CM! So telling them how you would love to serve by doing xyz, and what a good submissive you are: it isn't really news to them.
I haven't even mentioned kinks in my messages. I'm not sure of my specific ones anyways, but I do have that nifty interests thing on my profile that Dommes can look at. All I would do in a message that I did message kink is say, "I saw you like/love/live for a,b,c, and I really like them to. I'm also interested in p,q,r, and I think we would be compatible."
But then I would talk about what I have to offer, which is different from serving -imo. I have a lot to offer, much of it vanilla, some of it translates into kink; however, I'm a wholistic kind of person. I don't believe you can really seperate yourself into vanilla/kink, because there is bleed-over. You're still one person, so I like to highlight my vanilla qualities and traits which I esteem and say how those also translate into kink. I basically paint succinct a picture of myself and underscore why having me would make said Domme happier/have more fun.
I also ALWAYS read whole profiles and journals and try to reference them, but only if I read something that I really liked. Then I'll talk about that. Not only should it make the Domme feel good that I liked something she read, but it also shows there is a level of compatibility in our interests or attitudes.
Additionally, I point them to my own profile in the first message. I feel my profile gives a decent portrait and flavor of me as a person and what I'm looking for here. It 1.) Tells me about the Domme if she will read it (such as she is interested enough to take the time), and 2.) it also lets the Domme know about me... it is a *profile* after all. And I've had a message or two back saying that what I've written there makes me seem fairly intriguing despite whether or not that's what they are looking for.
I understand it can be confusing sometimes, trying to figure out what to write to Dommes. I ripped up the idea of a message centered on how you could serve a Domme, when I have also read so many Dommes in profiles or postings rip up messages containing "I, I, I" from a sub. But here's the nuance, serve and offer really aren't the same. I'm sorry, Ma'am Domme, but I can't really tell you how i would fit into your model of dream-sub, since I've never met you in person and only read a profile and journal online that took all of 5 minutes. - Now, I do believe most serious Dommes understand this anyways, and most serious Dommes probably do want to get to know potential subs. The way to accomplish what everyone wants (from a male sub point of view) is you highlight yourself and what makes you awesome, not what you NEED or WANT (unless wants are compatible with the Domme, and then phrase it briefly and as compatibility), and say why your awesomeness in her life would make her life more awesome too.
I could go on and on, but..... I'm not getting paid for this motivational rant. Therefore -
TL;DR version:
Stop complaining and try to intrigue a Domme instead of throwing yourself spinelessly at one's feet. Unless you know someone with a jello or otherwise quivering-mass fetish, I don't think that will work.
And I'm sure they don't need *another* offer for all their housework to be done.
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