RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male?

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 1:02:24 PM

gentlemanprince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Why do you have to be out? Why on earth can't you just be you?
It's your personality if you're submissive in a relationship then you're submissive you don't have to state that you're submissive.

I agree. I am who I am and always will be, regardless of what label I choose to use. I have no need to broadcast the details of my sex life to the world.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 1:23:20 PM

Lashra

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My sub male is open about who and what his position is on our relationship. He doesn't care what other people think, his brothers call him "pussy whipped" to which he just smiles and says he likes for me to wear the pants. They don't get it and yet they seem very intrigued by it as does their spouses. He has our toys hanging in his closet, they have seen him in his collar, so nothing is hidden. His sister in law is very curious about what we do, he tells her to ask me and she doesn't, I guess she feels awkward about it all. His brother has admitted he would like to try being tied up and used as a "sex toy" by his wife.

I think if you live your life on your own terms a person is much happier than pretending to be something that you are not. We both do that, if others have an issue with it, that is their problem we do not sweat it. What we do doesn't affect his job, nor does it make him any less a son, a brother or a man. It just makes him a man who knows what he wants and he is out there getting it.

~Lashra

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 1:41:41 PM

VanityFix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: problemchild

To answer my own question, I don't think you can...yet...

...I'm not out, but in the past couple years I've increasingly wanted to be out. I can't be. Despite the progress, there would still be too many repurcussions at work, among and general social circle. It would make my life hell. On the more courageous side, I decided about two years ago that I would be honest with anyone who asked. Anyone. I know there are probably guys who are fully out, but their situation is could be quite different than mine.

if your not out it kinda blinds your view to how out you can be, how much repercussions and suffering you will face or whatever. everyones situation is different and its possible you will lose something from coming out, its a matter of what you want more being in the closet about yourself and having a life you could lose, or being out and risk losing some things

quote:

ORIGINAL: problemchild

But what I wonder is why, despite the progress, you can be "out" as a gay person (I know not all gay people are out, but I would say close to half of them are) but you can't really be out as a submissive guy. I mean you can, but a lot of people would regard you as a pervert and/or having a "problem."

oh muffin.. being gay is not a walk in the park, compared to subs or anything, im sure a good portion of gay/bi/trans my age or older have faced some complete hellfire from it, including being labeled a pervert and a problem, sure you cant be sub some places but most of those you cant be gay either, the deal in the end is, someone will hate you, always, accepting that you can either hide what they hate or hold your head up high and be proud of it, i think part of being out is you accept that you may face some hostility

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 1:43:36 PM

Lockit

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I agree with Lashra...

I had some manly man types working on my brick work in the yard and one came to visit with them as they worked. Two were married and one wasn't. So in the course of general conversation, I called the one visiting a dog and laughed. He had been talking about cheating on his wife and how mad she would get. From there we went to my being a dominant and what I thought about certain things. The dog guy was very interested in a woman who didn't get mad, but had expectations and would not tolerate the type of behavior he had or a woman bitching about it and not doing something about it.

Through the next few weeks... one admitted that he found nothing wrong with a woman being in the lead of a relationship. One proved that his wife did actually call the shots even if he bucked from time to time... he always gave in. The dog continued to think on things and was fasinated by the new thoughts of how honestly things could be done and how people could live in dominant or submissive roles with honor and peace. And they all got a lesson on how honesty and understanding it all could bring about much better things.

There is another I know as a stand up man, who works hard in a very manly man field and he is as submissive as they come. He is respected by everyone and yet, his woman rules the household. He had just lost his dominant wife who didn't dominate in honor or honesty and the man was totally lost! I was the only one he could really talk to about it because his friends and family couldn't understand how to view things... not because he was submissive... but in how dominance and submission needs to be done with some rule of conduct so that people aren't abusing one another.

Even my son in law is coming around to understanding more and laughs when I make comments about my being dominant and can see it isn't all about kinky stuff.

Sometimes it is all in how you present things... not always how people will view them. Even with our president.. I would bet money that when the Mrs. has a thing to say about something... that man pays attention. Dominance and submission are everywhere.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 2:01:28 PM

SailingBum

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Reading the last couple of posts. It's not hard to understand that some ppl are leaders and some followers. The fact that they have a "manly job" whatever that is and are submissive BFD. shrug

BadOne

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 2:03:07 PM

udaboss

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Never mind. I'll just get into an argument.

< Message edited by udaboss -- 8/25/2009 2:05:22 PM >

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 2:15:02 PM

Lockit

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We can disagree without arguments. (smile)

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 2:18:18 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Reading the last couple of posts. It's not hard to understand that some ppl are leaders and some followers. The fact that they have a "manly job" whatever that is and are submissive BFD. shrug

BadOne

Personally I don't think it is a big deal... but many others, especially submissive men struggling with being submissive... often do.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 2:20:19 PM

udaboss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

We can disagree without arguments. (smile)

I'm cool with that. I guess I meant a disagreement. I just don't have time to stick around right now and defend the responses.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 3:58:39 PM

udaboss

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slow computer.

< Message edited by udaboss -- 8/25/2009 4:00:05 PM >

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 4:04:54 PM

problemchild

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quote]ORIGINAL: Lockit

You say here...

I'm not out, but in the past couple years I've increasingly wanted to be out. I can't be. Despite the progress, there would still be too many repurcussions at work, among and general social circle. It would make my life hell. On the more courageous side, I decided about two years ago that I would be honest with anyone who asked. Anyone. I know there are probably guys who are fully out, but their situation is could be quite different than mine.

Two reasons I want to be out. One, I just don't like carrying the burden of the secret.

Two, I think if I was out I'd have a better chance with dominant women, whether they were out or not, because I've found they're much more likely to flirt if they know, for a fact, you're a sub.

Then you say...

I want to point out to everyone that I took my profile off-line because I have a dominant girlfriend now and we've been together for two months. It's going great. This might be the big one.

You say because of your situation in life you cannot unburden yourself by telling people and then you state that you decided to be honest about it all with anyone.

Then you say you want to be out to attract dominant women and then you say you have one.
[/quote]

I took my profile off line because my domme wanted me to. She didn't want other dominant women contacting me. Simple as that. She allowed me to keep the profile to continue correspondance with a few people I regularly had been in contact with. So I didn't have to delete it. Just take it off line.

I'm open, not out. There's a difference. Did I say I can't be honest with anyone? If I did I miswrote. There are a good number of people who do know. Some asked, some I flat out told. There are some people I would tell if they asked, but not otherwise.

When I'm talking about being being out to attract women, I'm not talking about my current needs. I'm talking about how this could have helped my past situation and, possibly my future situation if my current relationship doesn't work out.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 4:08:14 PM

problemchild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

My sub male is open about who and what his position is on our relationship. He doesn't care what other people think, his brothers call him "pussy whipped" to which he just smiles and says he likes for me to wear the pants. They don't get it and yet they seem very intrigued by it as does their spouses. He has our toys hanging in his closet, they have seen him in his collar, so nothing is hidden. His sister in law is very curious about what we do, he tells her to ask me and she doesn't, I guess she feels awkward about it all. His brother has admitted he would like to try being tied up and used as a "sex toy" by his wife.

I think if you live your life on your own terms a person is much happier than pretending to be something that you are not. We both do that, if others have an issue with it, that is their problem we do not sweat it. What we do doesn't affect his job, nor does it make him any less a son, a brother or a man. It just makes him a man who knows what he wants and he is out there getting it.

~Lashra

Yes, this has been my experience in general. When people are around those who live the lifestyle. This sometimes doesn't happen right away - there can be a delayed reaction.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 4:27:41 PM

slavekal

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You can do it, but you have to do it right. I am pretty much out right now. Around my neck, I wear a very heavy chain with a lock on it. I pull my Mistress in a rickshaw at all the fairs and festivals. She uses a buggy whip to spur me on to go faster. It is well recieved, and people enjoy the sight. That is because it is done with a touch of humor and with enthusiasm. I do believe that we can be out as long as we are not creepy and scary.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 4:35:58 PM

subjoe101

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Why do you have to be labeled submissive? You don't see people running around saying 'I'm dominant'...'I'm heterosexual'...'I'm vanilla.' It's not a secret it's just a part of you. Nothing say that you have to announce that to the world. Be who you are and seek out others with similar intersts. If you want to meet dominant women then go to clubs and social events where there are dominant women. If a person has no interest in submissive men or dominant women then they could care less what you are and certainly don't need you proclaiming it to them.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 5:19:05 PM

problemchild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subjoe101

Why do you have to be labeled submissive? You don't see people running around saying 'I'm dominant'...'I'm heterosexual'...'I'm vanilla.' It's not a secret it's just a part of you. Nothing say that you have to announce that to the world. Be who you are and seek out others with similar intersts. If you want to meet dominant women then go to clubs and social events where there are dominant women. If a person has no interest in submissive men or dominant women then they could care less what you are and certainly don't need you proclaiming it to them.

I don't disagree, but that's not what I mean by being "out." By "out" I mean that you wouldn't, for example, mind having a profile on CM with clear face pics, and other web sites as well. Many of us are in a position like me, where I'm open about my sexuality, as far as I won't hide it from people who actually ask. But I play that by ear to the individual person. But I'm not really quite "out" in the sense that I won't quite "broadcast" my sexuality on the internet with clear pics and detailed profiles. I'm not hiding anything from anybody who asks. I guess I'm sort of at a "do tell if anybody asks, but don't volunteer the information if they don't."

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 6:08:32 PM

KCalli

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Why do you have to be out? Why on earth can't you just be you?
It's your personality if you're submissive in a relationship then you're submissive you don't have to state that you're submissive.

I agree. I am who I am and always will be, regardless of what label I choose to use. I have no need to broadcast the details of my sex life to the world.

I have to agree. I may be naieve, but I really don't understand this whole "out" think, whatever the flavor. I just am what I am. What I do is my own affair. Those who know me know of my tastes. Those who don't know me, it is none of their business anyhow. People either accept me and the way that I am or they don't. Either way, it matters little.

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/25/2009 7:41:46 PM

slavekal

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I don't put my face on my profile, but in my regular life, I don't really hide. I do try to be discreet with the sexual stuff, though. I don't wear my chain in competitions because it gets in the way. Right after a contest, I bent my head and Ms. Mlicious replaced the locked collar around my neck. I got quite a few hoots and jokey comments, but I didn't care.

< Message edited by slavekal -- 8/25/2009 7:43:10 PM >

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RE: Can You Be "OUT" About Being a Sub Male? - 8/26/2009 3:31:01 PM

Falkenstein

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Mainstream people have too much ignorance and prejudice against BDSM to take such a risk,

Here a little story from Germany, where the main sex-toys retailer (Beate Uhse Versand) is a stock-listed company and where the (late) talk shows were a few years ago full of scene people, after the publication of a good book about being a female masochistin.

I was in the train in a compartment, with quite a nice lady, and wanted to engage the conversation,
so I asked her "What are you reading?" (lame pickup line, isn'it?)
and she wittingly answered "it is a book about sex, it says that in bed the most endurant men are the Indians and the most imaginative the Polish".
I, standing up "Please let me introduce myself. My name is Kolwasky, Geronimo Kolwasky"

It is an old classical joke, but saying it for real made us laugh to tears. Travelling in train with compartments in Germany is great. For a few hours your are in complete intimity with total strangers who you never will meet again. It is a prefect occasion to vent your politically incorrect opinions, fantasms, play games, in a society that is not really in favor of openess. You can say things that you would never tell a close friend.

These trains also have good stocked bars with draft beer. So I got a Bitburger for me and a vine for her and we started discussing romance, then sex. She asked me for example why were men so into sodomy (the real one, not the Georgia). Her husband had tried to...but she fand it dirty. Besids that, he was often too tired... So, at a turn of the sentence, I mentionned my taste for BDSM. She curled and the temperature fell. She looked disgusted, maybe a bit afraid, but still curious and probably she did not want to look old fashioned. I described it the best I could. Yes my partner had to want it too. No I did not force her, it had to be safe, sane and consensual. No, in a scene, my objective was not to hurt my partner but to have her cum and howl of pleasure like the proverbial coyote. Yes some women really like it so. Temperature rose again enough for me to get us two drinks again and still find her in the compartment.
She told me that she would not like being tied, but found leather and corset very sexy and somehow she asked me if I found very often submissive women. I said no, regrettably and as an example cite my girlfriend of then, who was really not into it. So how was then my sex life? well pretty much like her and her husband, except for tiredness and the backside part... But, as she followed, I could not act my fantasies, was is not very frustrating? Yes of course it is.

Then the lady asks almost as an afterthought: Why don't you visit a doctor? That one got the temperature back to artic conditions. Why should I? I asked back in the relaxed tone of guy who got his hot coffe on his crotch and try to remain cool in front of his date. And she very naturally: "Maybe they can help and you would be much happier afterwards". This was said without obvious will to hurt or disparage me, just a christian caring thought.

So, when even libertine women in liberal, sex-offen Germany think that BDSM a curable disease, I do not think that outing one's kink is a very good idea.

Greetings from not-that-liberal old Europe

Henry

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