|
manxcat -> RE: communication skills & the online search (8/26/2009 2:02:51 PM)
|
There have been some very good responses, specifically olena, stella, Lillyof theVally - in her initial post, to name a few. Sorry about the others I missed. My grandfather came from Germany, and taught himself to read and write English (also German as he had shipped out at age 8). He kept a dictionary in his secretary so that he would do his best.
For me it is not about spelling, and grammar. From about the 70's schools have put less emphasis on the technical aspect of writing skills. As a writer, I have worked hard to make myself understandable in all my writing, as well as approachable in personal ads. I use the thesaurus function in Word all the time, for clarity. Sometimes I go through 100 words to get the right one.
Spell check does not always work, as it cannot differentiate from actual words which may be misused. Neither can you proofread your own work, for the most part. I recently had someone point out another error in my profile, and I had just re-read it the day before, and still had not seen it.
But... there are many ways to overcome a lack of writing skills, and one can always say "I don't trust my writing skills..." and can make lists to answer questions, or one can explain one is dyslexic, etc. So spelling and grammar are not a deal breaker, but I do look to see if an effort is being made to communicate. I clearly state in my profile that if *your* profile is lacking in content, I want more than a "nice pic, what are your hard limits" kind of mail. I have different responses to these, depending on what exactly is said, and my mood.[:D] Then, depending on the response, (and again, my mood) I will choose whether to continue the contact.
I believe that someone who will not make the effort to communicate in more than two sentence mails and responses, is more than likely not going to put in the effort to work at a relationship. If I find that someone is avoiding answering certain questions, after asking twice, I will usually cut off contact, as experience has shown me they are wankers with something to hide.
There are some who have great writing skills, and are very good at *spin*. Recently I had conversation with someone like this, and after about 3 such communications, where he was attempting to justify *misunderstandings* and outright lies, I decided not to respond anymore. It was not just the discrepancies, but the whole picture. If after 5, 6, 7 mails, *you* are still attempting to justify and not answering plainly, I see no hope for the future. While I have no problem working at a relationship, indeed, I will make more allowances for all kinds of differences than most will, if we cannot get to the finding out about each other part, and have to spend days finding a common language, I am done. Again it speaks to the honesty of the person in question. Also, all the flattery in the world will not make up for lack of content. Nor will repeating it for lack of anything else to say, if I have limited BDSM talk to hard limits for the first few communications. I would rather deal with the spelling and grammar issues than the spin doctors and wankers.
manxy
|
|
|
|
