RE: Public Reprimands

RE: Public Reprimands (Full Version)

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RavenMuse -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 8:31:23 AM)
Personaly I wouldn't expect My girl to require such, however if she did I would bring her up short, curtly and effectivly (Much as the Gentleman in the example did) any look of fear or nerves on her face would be caused by the knowledge that the incident would be addressed further, later in private. However it wouldn't make much difference wether the surroundings where vanilla or kink, she knows where the lines are and doesn't normaly cross them.

maia09 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 8:42:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Background on Portuguese culture - 1950's sort of lifestyle here with wives, generally, fairly submissive to their spouses. Men, generally, fairly dominant to their wives. Just a way of life here. Here's what happened: Man goes into a hearing aid clinic for testing and brings his wife. The audiologist is asking several questions to the husband to ascertain medical history etc. and the wife, without fail, answers every one of them. The testing starts and the audiologist is asking key questions using different frequencies to get a viable audiogram. The responses are important so the audiologist knows whether or not the man is hearing the questions correctly. The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed. Two questions: How would such a reprimand in public make you feel? Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks? i find it interesting that his wife took it upon herself to answer questions for him. D/s or not, i think that's rather assumptive. However, regarding to being publicly reprimanded - it happens and i feel neither embarrassed or ashamed. What i feel is annoyed with myself for causing Master to have to reprimand me, public or otherwise. To the second question, i probably would feel differently with lifestyle folk as opposed to vanilla as i would assume lifestylers would get it, that He's in charge of me. Vanilla women in my world would probably wonder why i allowed him to speak to me like that. But that's not something i really concern myself with.

littleone35 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 9:01:19 AM)
It would noT reallY bother me. I tend to get exicatable over little things. Master tells me to calm down it (whatever it is) is not worth getting upset about. Sometimes i need to hear that because of my exicatable nature it centerS me and calms me down. Matt's littleone

allthatjaz -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 9:35:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 It would noT reallY bother me. I tend to get exicatable over little things. Master tells me to calm down it (whatever it is) is not worth getting upset about. Sometimes i need to hear that because of my exicatable nature it centerS me and calms me down. Matt's littleone I am very similar to you and I agree with what you say here.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 12:47:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble How would such a reprimand in public make you feel? Uuummm, embarrassed and chastised. Very disappointed in myself that I displeased Him. quote: ORIGINAL:BitaTruble Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks? I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around. If it were in front of kink people, I'd feel their disapproval of ME. If it were in front of vanilla folks, I would be irritated that they thought it was any of their business how he treated me, as most of the vanilla folks I know what me to be this uber-assertive woman...which I am, but NOT around Him & they would be judging HIM for how He handled it.

RavenMuse -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 1:04:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around. Such sentiments I see as bearing out the aptness of your screen-name dear. Your Master has a good girl :)

Missokyst -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 1:36:08 PM)
If the gentleman was hearing impaired it might be that it is habit for her to anticipate and answer for him. My mother is hearing impaired and I answer all questions when we do her doctor visits. Ethnicity or not, though I am also from a culture where the adult, or male is to be obeyed, neither of us finds anything unusual in my answering for her. She only hears a part of the question and it is rather like that game where you pass along a sentence through a room full of kids and seeing what it comes out like in the end. As far as the senario goes, once the test was started she should have known to shut up. The test was not for her ears it was for his. I would feel embarrassed to have to be reminded of that, whether I was nilla or kinked. quote: ORIGINAL: maia09 i find it interesting that his wife took it upon herself to answer questions for him. D/s or not, i think that's rather assumptive.

barelynangel -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 2:04:27 PM)
If its something I would NORMALLY do for him and he tells me to STOP in frustration, i think on many levels my first reaction would be irritation he would be frustrated at something i normally do for him anyway lol but i would simply stop and probably let it go. I don't beat myself up over my Master telling me to stop doing something, especially stuff that shouldn't be taken personally and in a situation like this, i would expect it was his frustration more than anger speaking and well, he has a right to tell someone to stop speaking for him. There are times i would feel upset i screwed up, but i leave the broading about it to him. If he says i will be punished/disciplined etc for it, then i will deal with the consequences. Otherwise, i do what he asks and have no need to broad or beat myself up because he told me to stop doing something. Who am i to make it a big deal when all he wanted me to do was shut up and let him speak -- especially if he doesn't revisit it. To me, many people who call themselves slaves or subs spend way to much time attempting to blow out of proportion the disappointment, anger, or such a Man feels when they discipline, correct, or state they should stop or do something differently so they can beat themselves up or get all upset or make a big deal out of something that isn't all so they can appear or seem to do what a slave should -- be a martyr over screwing up. My Master never allowed me that pleasure lol. It was his determination when i needed discipline, correction, punishment etc. It wasn't mine to make something into something so i could be a martyr and spend the rest of the day saying oh god i disappointed him, i upset him etc etc etc when he forgot about it as soon as he said something to me and i obeyed what he then wanted. Public reprimands are weird, sometimes i get angry with embarrasment, sometimes i let it go, sometimes i find it amusing (when its something HE TOLD me to do lol that he then wanted stopped), etc, I think D/s people are more in tune with "hearing" a reprimand in something wherein vanilla people probably wouldn't make much of it unless it involved a huge scene or drawing of attention. All in all, i wasn't allowed to be a martyr in my own upsetness because being upset or disappointed or such belonged to him if I was the one doing something wrong. Why should I get to be upset or disappointed or all these other concepts when its HIM that is the injured party not me trying to become the injured party due to my own martyrism of being disappointed in me or upset with myself or beating myself up. To me, those type of women, want it to much to be about them and trying to be a martyr to her own self. Yes, being upset if you screw up is natural, but there is a big difference between screwing up and being upset and making his every little frowny face at you or correction or such a day of mourning. With my former Master that crap would have gotten old fast. Much of the concept if you want something to cry about i can give you something to cry about saying parents sometimes use when a kid wants to get all upset over crap that should be acknpwledged, accepted, and moved on from pretty damn quick. angel

catize -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 3:47:27 PM)
quote: To me, many people who call themselves slaves or subs spend way to much time attempting to blow out of proportion the disappointment, anger, or such a Man feels when they discipline, correct, or state they should stop or do something differently so they can beat themselves up or get all upset or make a big deal out of something that isn't all so they can appear or seem to do what a slave should -- be a martyr over screwing up. My Master never allowed me that pleasure lol. It was his determination when i needed discipline, correction, punishment etc. It wasn't mine to make something into something so i could be a martyr and spend the rest of the day saying oh god i disappointed him, i upset him etc etc etc when he forgot about it as soon as he said something to me and i obeyed what he then wanted. Yes! I loved this (in fact, I nodded in agreement to your entire post) ! Doing our best to please at all times is an admirable goal, but Paragons of Perfect Submission are non-existent. Deal with the consequences and move on! It’s a little tough to be of service to another if all my energy is focused on my mistake!

cpK69 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 5:28:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble To clarify a few points in the OP. The husband was loud with the stop, just stop (which, when himself related the story to me, he said the guy yelled which is why I capped it when I related it to you guys) and it was Himself's impression that the wife did seem to be fearful as if she thought that hand went up to smack her. This reminds me of relationships with non-D/s boyfriends. With them, I might have been afraid, not knowing what might happen later. I would have been embarrassed by the outburst, and confused by mixed signals; that whole “at home, take care of me like you’re my mother; out here, I’m the man. The delusion of being dominant. Kim

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/27/2009 10:43:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around. Such sentiments I see as bearing out the aptness of your screen-name dear. Your Master has a good girl :) Thank You RavenMuse, Sir. :)

womanworshipper -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/30/2009 1:05:26 AM)
i agree with CPK69 on the first issue. Sometimes i feel chastened and embarassed but that's probably because i'm meant to. i feel Madame has an absolute right to reprimand me in public if She sees fit. On the second, We/we are not part of any bdsm community (apart from collar me and even then it is only me that participates) but i imagine that would be even less of a problem.

NorthernGent -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/30/2009 4:18:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed. I think you'd probably have to be there to see the extent of the 'cowering' and form an opinion on its meaning. You would think that as man and wife they would have ironed out these issues and she would know that there's a time and a place to 'help'. As she hasn't worked out her time and place then it may be a case that they haven't established leader and follower - and consequently she jumps in whenever she feels like it. By putting his hand up do you mean he threatened to hit her or the hand was put up to signal that she should be quiet for a few minutes? If this is commonplace then he may be exasperated that she can't be calm and considerate - but there's no excuse for raising a hand threatening to hit her (if indeed that's what happened). A polite: "just give us a few minutes please" would have done the trick and he could have explained in the privacy of their home why he doesn't need a second mother. There really is a time and a place for disagreements and I'm a big believer that the public domain is not the place. I'd be embarrassed for myself and not best pleased with her that we had couldn't keep ourselves in check in private let alone in public.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/31/2009 10:10:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble How would such a reprimand in public make you feel? Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks? needing to be reprimanded in such a way would be absolutely MORTIFYING. i would be deeply ashamed that i had behaved in such an appalling manner, and that i had brought public shame to my Master. it would make no difference at all whether the reprimand occurred in front of lifestylers or vanillas. my Master does reprimand/correct/even punish me in public when necessary, it is always embarrassing..not because we are in public, as i couldn't care less about how we appear to others...but because i have misbehaved or messed up in the first place.

DesFIP -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/31/2009 12:06:35 PM)
I read something lately that said that men usually begin having hearing impairment in their 40's because of use of power tools. Women tend not to have it until their 60's. The couple in question were in their 70's which says that she's been talking to wait staff etc for 30 years on his behalf. That, in effect, part of her job in their relationship has been to be his buffer to the world so no one else knows of his impairment. So after having her do this for 30 odd years, he gets into a situation where he doesn't want her to do this, and doesn't tell her not to. I'm not big on being asked to mind read and if he's going to change the rules on me he tells me beforehand. YMMV.

Lostkitten3 -> RE: Public Reprimands (8/31/2009 3:02:00 PM)
Sometimes we women get sidetracked on an emotional tangent, sometimes we are cunningly led there, sometimes something hits us the wrong way, but either way, someone with a cooler head telling me to stop would not offend me in the least, provided they had the situation under control, and weren't simply cow-towing. I would even be fine with a swat on the behind on the way to the car for it.

DesFIP -> RE: Public Reprimands (9/1/2009 11:13:06 AM)
Oh yeah, and I would expect the reason he yelled at her was because he didn't know how loud he was talking. Not uncommon with people with hearing loss.

NihilusZero -> RE: Public Reprimands (9/1/2009 3:40:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barelynangel All in all, i wasn't allowed to be a martyr in my own upsetness because being upset or disappointed or such belonged to him if I was the one doing something wrong. Why should I get to be upset or disappointed or all these other concepts when its HIM that is the injured party not me trying to become the injured party due to my own martyrism of being disappointed in me or upset with myself or beating myself up. 50 points.

kyraofMists -> RE: Public Reprimands (9/1/2009 7:06:47 PM)
I don't know that I would even view this as a reprimand. Most likely I would only see it as him correcting my behavior to something that is more acceptable to him at the time. That kind of correction is fairly frequent in our lilfe. It isn't that we are doing something wrong per se, but that what we are doing at the time is not something that he wants us to do in that moment. In another setting, that same thing might be entirely appropriate. I am extremely sensitive to reprimands or more specifically to him not being happy with me. An effective way of correcting Alandra's behavior might be highly ineffective for me. I am overly sensitive or "fragile" as he likes to tease me. It takes very little from him to correct my behavior to what he wants; that makes it easier and harder on him at times. g Knight's Kyra

shadowowl -> RE: Public Reprimands (9/2/2009 1:08:55 PM)
really seems a very strange situation, I mean if she was a sub in a D/s relationship it would seem really odd for her to be even answering questions for him like that. If I was the doctor in that situation I would assume it was the man that was the sub and finally had reached his limit and reprimanded his Domme for breaking it as it was a health safty issue and importent for him to answer his own questions in that setting. So then the question is if you where a D and misstepped for what ever reason over a subs limits in public to the point they snaped and reprimanded you.. how would you react? I actually once did reprimand my Domme once for doing something along these lines though not in public it was very unsettling for me to have to do so but I was left with no other choice in that particular situation. Things where never really the same after that as I viewed the entire situation as a breach of trust and from her point of view she lost a little confidence in her postition as a D.

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