Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Public Reprimands


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Public Reprimands Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 8:31:23 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Personaly I wouldn't expect My girl to require such, however if she did I would bring her up short, curtly and effectivly (Much as the Gentleman in the example did) any look of fear or nerves on her face would be caused by the knowledge that the incident would be addressed further, later in private. However it wouldn't make much difference wether the surroundings where vanilla or kink, she knows where the lines are and doesn't normaly cross them.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 8:42:26 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Background on Portuguese culture - 1950's sort of lifestyle here with wives, generally, fairly submissive to their spouses. Men, generally, fairly dominant to their wives. Just a way of life here.

Here's what happened:

Man goes into a hearing aid clinic for testing and brings his wife. The audiologist is asking several questions to the husband to ascertain medical history etc. and the wife, without fail, answers every one of them.

The testing starts and the audiologist is asking key questions using different frequencies to get a viable audiogram. The responses are important so the audiologist knows whether or not the man is hearing the questions correctly.

The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed.

Two questions:

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?



i find it interesting that his wife took it upon herself to answer questions for him. D/s or not, i think that's rather assumptive. However, regarding to being publicly reprimanded - it happens and i feel neither embarrassed or ashamed. What i feel is annoyed with myself for causing Master to have to reprimand me, public or otherwise. To the second question, i probably would feel differently with lifestyle folk as opposed to vanilla as i would assume lifestylers would get it, that He's in charge of me. Vanilla women in my world would probably wonder why i allowed him to speak to me like that. But that's not something i really concern myself with.


_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 9:01:19 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		It would noT reallY bother me. I tend to get exicatable over little things. Master tells me to calm down it (whatever it is) is not worth getting upset about. Sometimes i need to hear that because of my exicatable nature it centerS me and calms me down.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to maia09)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 9:35:55 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

It would noT reallY bother me. I tend to get exicatable over little things. Master tells me to calm down it (whatever it is) is not worth getting upset about. Sometimes i need to hear that because of my exicatable nature it centerS me and calms me down.

Matt's littleone


I am very similar to you and I agree with what you say here.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 12:47:49 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Uuummm, embarrassed and chastised.  Very disappointed in myself that I displeased Him.

quote:

ORIGINAL:BitaTruble
Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?


I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around.  If it were in front of kink people, I'd feel their disapproval of ME.  If it were in front of vanilla folks, I would be irritated that they thought it was any of their business how he treated me, as most of the vanilla folks I know what me to be this uber-assertive woman...which I am, but NOT around Him & they would be judging HIM for how He handled it.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 1:04:23 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around. 


Such sentiments I see as bearing out the aptness of your screen-name dear. Your Master has a good girl :)


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 1:36:08 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		If the gentleman was hearing impaired it might be that it is habit for her to anticipate and answer for him.  My mother is hearing impaired and I answer all questions when we do her doctor visits.
Ethnicity or not, though I am also from a culture where the adult, or male is to be obeyed, neither of us finds anything unusual in my answering for her.  She only hears a part of the question and it is rather like that game where you pass along a sentence through a room full of kids and seeing what it comes out like in the end.

As far as the senario goes, once the test was started she should have known to shut up.  The test was not for her ears it was for his.  I would feel embarrassed to have to be reminded of that, whether I was nilla or kinked. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: maia09

i find it interesting that his wife took it upon herself to answer questions for him. D/s or not, i think that's rather assumptive.

(in reply to maia09)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 2:04:27 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		If its something I would NORMALLY do for him and he tells me to STOP in frustration, i think on many levels my first reaction would be irritation he would be frustrated at something i normally do for him anyway lol but i would simply stop and probably let it go.  I don't beat myself up over my Master telling me to stop doing something, especially stuff that shouldn't be taken personally and in a situation like this, i would expect it was his frustration more than anger speaking and well, he has a right to tell someone to stop speaking for him. 

There are times i would feel upset i screwed up, but i leave the broading about it to him.  If he says i will be punished/disciplined etc for it, then i will deal with the consequences.  Otherwise, i do what he asks and have no need to broad or beat myself up because he told me to stop doing something.  Who am i to make it a big deal when all he wanted me to do was shut up and let him speak -- especially if he doesn't revisit it.

To me, many people who call themselves slaves or subs spend way to much time attempting to blow out of proportion the disappointment, anger, or such a Man feels when they discipline, correct, or state they should stop or do something differently so they can beat themselves up or get all upset or make a big deal out of something that isn't all so they can appear or seem to do what a slave should -- be a martyr over screwing up.   My Master never allowed me that pleasure lol.   It was his determination when i needed discipline, correction, punishment etc.  It wasn't mine to make something into something so i could be a martyr and spend the rest of the day saying oh god i disappointed him, i upset him etc etc etc when he forgot about it as soon as he said something to me and i obeyed what he then wanted.

Public reprimands are weird, sometimes i get angry with embarrasment, sometimes i let it go, sometimes i find it amusing (when its something HE TOLD me to do lol that he then wanted stopped), etc, I think D/s people are more in tune with "hearing" a reprimand in something wherein vanilla people probably wouldn't make much of it unless it involved a huge scene or drawing of attention.

All in all, i wasn't allowed to be a martyr in my own upsetness because being upset or disappointed or such belonged to him if I was the one doing something wrong.  Why should I get to be upset or disappointed or all these other concepts when its HIM that is the injured party not me trying to become the injured party due to my own martyrism of being disappointed in me or upset with myself or beating myself up.

To me, those type of women, want it to much to be about them and trying to be a martyr to her own self.  Yes, being upset if you screw up is natural, but there is a big difference between screwing up and being upset and making his every little frowny face at you or correction or such a day of mourning. With my former Master that crap would have gotten old fast.  Much of the concept if you want something to cry about i can give you something to cry about saying parents sometimes use when a kid wants to get all upset over crap that should be acknpwledged, accepted, and moved on from pretty damn quick.


angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 3:47:27 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

To me, many people who call themselves slaves or subs spend way to much time attempting to blow out of proportion the disappointment, anger, or such a Man feels when they discipline, correct, or state they should stop or do something differently so they can beat themselves up or get all upset or make a big deal out of something that isn't all so they can appear or seem to do what a slave should -- be a martyr over screwing up.   My Master never allowed me that pleasure lol.   It was his determination when i needed discipline, correction, punishment etc.  It wasn't mine to make something into something so i could be a martyr and spend the rest of the day saying oh god i disappointed him, i upset him etc etc etc when he forgot about it as soon as he said something to me and i obeyed what he then wanted.   


Yes!  I loved this (in fact, I nodded in agreement to your entire post) ! 
Doing our best to please at all times is an admirable goal, but Paragons of Perfect Submission are non-existent.  Deal with the consequences and move on!  It’s a little tough to be of service to another if all *my* energy is focused on *my* mistake!


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 5:28:26 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

To clarify a few points in the OP. The husband was loud with the stop, just stop (which, when himself related the story to me, he said the guy yelled which is why I capped it when I related it to you guys) and it was Himself's impression that the wife did seem to be fearful as if she thought that hand went up to smack her.


This reminds me of relationships with non-D/s boyfriends. With them, I might have been afraid, not knowing what might happen later. I would have been embarrassed by the outburst, and confused by mixed signals; that whole “at home, take care of me like you’re my mother; out here, I’m the man. The delusion of being dominant.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 8/27/2009 5:29:46 PM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 10:43:12 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I would feel very disappointed in myself that I was found displeasing and had done something wrong, no matter who it was around. 


Such sentiments I see as bearing out the aptness of your screen-name dear. Your Master has a good girl :)



Thank You RavenMuse, Sir.  :)

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/30/2009 1:05:26 AM   
womanworshipper


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with CPK69 on the first issue. Sometimes i feel chastened and embarassed but that's probably because i'm meant to. i feel Madame has an absolute right to reprimand me in public if She sees fit. 

On the second, We/we are not part of any bdsm community (apart from collar me and even then it is only me that participates) but i imagine that would be even less of a problem.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/30/2009 4:18:53 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed.



I think you'd probably have to be there to see the extent of the 'cowering' and form an opinion on its meaning.

You would think that as man and wife they would have ironed out these issues and she would know that there's a time and a place to 'help'. As she hasn't worked out her time and place then it may be a case that they haven't established leader and follower - and consequently she jumps in whenever she feels like it.

By putting his hand up do you mean he threatened to hit her or the hand was put up to signal that she should be quiet for a few minutes?

If this is commonplace then he may be exasperated that she can't be calm and considerate - but there's no excuse for raising a hand threatening to hit her (if indeed that's what happened). A polite: "just give us a few minutes please" would have done the trick and he could have explained in the privacy of their home why he doesn't need a second mother.

There really is a time and a place for disagreements and I'm a big believer that the public domain is not the place. I'd be embarrassed for myself and not best pleased with her that we had couldn't keep ourselves in check in private let alone in public.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/31/2009 10:10:45 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?



needing to be reprimanded in such a way would be absolutely MORTIFYING. i would be deeply ashamed that i had behaved in such an appalling manner, and that i had brought public shame to my Master. it would make no difference at all whether the reprimand occurred in front of lifestylers or vanillas.

my Master does reprimand/correct/even punish me in public when necessary, it is always embarrassing..not because we are in public, as i couldn't care less about how we appear to others...but because i have misbehaved or messed up in the first place.

< Message edited by daddysprop247 -- 8/31/2009 10:12:24 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/31/2009 12:06:35 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I read something lately that said that men usually begin having hearing impairment in their 40's because of use of power tools. Women tend not to have it until their 60's. The couple in question were in their 70's which says that she's been talking to wait staff etc for 30 years on his behalf. That,  in effect, part of her job in their relationship has been to be his buffer to the world so no one else knows of his impairment. So after having her do this for 30 odd years, he gets into a situation where he doesn't want her to do this, and doesn't tell her not to. I'm not big on being asked to mind read and if he's going to change the rules on me he tells me beforehand. YMMV.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/31/2009 3:02:00 PM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes we women get sidetracked on an emotional tangent, sometimes we are cunningly led there, sometimes something hits us the wrong way, but either way, someone with a cooler head telling me to stop would not offend me in the least, provided they had the situation under control, and weren't simply cow-towing.

I would even be fine with a swat on the behind on the way to the car for it.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Public Reprimands - 9/1/2009 11:13:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Oh yeah, and I would expect the reason he yelled at her was because he didn't know how loud he was talking. Not uncommon with people with hearing loss.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lostkitten3)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Public Reprimands - 9/1/2009 3:40:12 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

All in all, i wasn't allowed to be a martyr in my own upsetness because being upset or disappointed or such belonged to him if I was the one doing something wrong.  Why should I get to be upset or disappointed or all these other concepts when its HIM that is the injured party not me trying to become the injured party due to my own martyrism of being disappointed in me or upset with myself or beating myself up.

50 points.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Public Reprimands - 9/1/2009 7:06:47 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that I would even view this as a reprimand. Most likely I would only see it as him correcting my behavior to something that is more acceptable to him at the time. That kind of correction is fairly frequent in our lilfe. It isn't that we are doing something wrong per se, but that what we are doing at the time is not something that he wants us to do in that moment. In another setting, that same thing might be entirely appropriate.

I am extremely sensitive to reprimands or more specifically to him not being happy with me. An effective way of correcting Alandra's behavior might be highly ineffective for me. I am overly sensitive or "fragile" as he likes to tease me. It takes very little from him to correct my behavior to what he wants; that makes it easier and harder on him at times. *g*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Public Reprimands - 9/2/2009 1:08:55 PM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		really seems a very strange situation, I mean if she was a sub in a D/s relationship it would seem really odd for her to be even answering questions for him like that.   If I was the doctor in that situation I would assume it was the man that was the sub and finally had reached his limit and reprimanded his Domme for breaking it as it was a health safty issue and importent for him to answer his own questions in that setting.   So then the question is if you where  a D and misstepped for what ever reason over a subs limits in public to the point they snaped and reprimanded you.. how would you react?  I actually once did reprimand my Domme once for doing something along these lines though not in public it was very unsettling for me to have to do so but I was left with no other choice in that particular situation.    Things where never really the same after that as I viewed the entire situation as a breach of trust and from her point of view she lost a little confidence in her postition as a D.
  

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Public Reprimands Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109