Is there more than one kind of switch? (Full Version)

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daintydimples -> Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 7:25:04 AM)

Over the years I've identified two distinctly different kinds of switches.

There are ones like me, and by that I mean those who strongly lean towards one side or another. For instance, I'm a mostly submissive switch. I say this even though my personality is primarily dominant, and I submit to a rare few. My primary relationship will always be with a dominant male.

Although I enjoy secondary relationships with submissives, they can't be my primary relationship b/c (so far at least) I'm not interested in having sex with them. This type of switch may have a dom partner and a sub partner, but they rarely, if ever, switch with the same person.

I think many people are confused by this type of switch; they assume when the right person comes along, the stronger side will win out. I can assure you my dominant side does not mysteriously disappear b/c I'm in a relationship with a dom male.

Then there are those switches who are more top/bottom than dom/sub. They tend to be more middle of the road as opposed to extremely dominant or extremely submissive. The also tend to be more S/M then D/s, although I've known switch couples who had a wonderful synergy and flowed from dom to sub effortlessly. This type of switch tends to hook up with another switch of their kind. I also think they are the most misunderstood, b/c those who strongly identify with one side or the other have difficulty understanding those who. . . .don't.

Are there overlaps to these two type? Yes !!

Now to my questions:

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)





VanityFix -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 2:28:21 PM)

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?
is there more than one type of dom, one type of sub..

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?
yes i like them and think alot of people fit into either,
i see myself as switch as i see sexuality flowing and a changing thing, i may identify mostly as submissive or dominant but wont label as either as things change over time.

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?
for sure, donno what but there always more types of people outside a few main categories, i think your definitions are good for an abundance of people tho



daintydimples -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 2:34:41 PM)

Thank you. And yes I understand the inherit issues with categorizing people. But it does seem from my view point that switches are *very* misunderstood.

Trying to bring some light, is all.





VanityFix -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 3:10:05 PM)

switches and bisexuals, i see it as someone does their personal battles to be comfortable with identifying as dom or sub, they see switches as doing a half-assed coming out, admitting partly but to scared to fully step out as sub or dom,
IMPO its the orientation you should put if your confused and figuring things out, which is fine. but that does give switches a reputation of being confused and of all sorts of different styles as some identifying as switch is figuring things out. bisexuals have alot of the same issues, as someone newly out and figuring things out, thats fine as well it just gives bisexuals a reputation as being new and figuring things out.
switches are a weird race without as much definition as the other drop-box orientations, i think its good as a 'starter orientation' becuase of the lack of definition and the amount of weird different types of switches.




FangsNfeet -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 3:54:44 PM)

There are times when pain turns me on. However, I never become submissive. Instead, I force my sub to cause the pain that I want with the demand of being bitten, clawed, etc....

When I told someone that I did this, she replied "Oh, so you're really a switch?"

In the BDSM life style, I guess you could say that you have some who like to "switch" back and forth with pain while others "switch" back and forth with dominance and submission.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/27/2009 4:41:42 PM)

I don't kn ow about any one else, but I find myself to be a switch who's extremely dominant  and maybe sometimes bossy about what I want, no matter what side of the switch I am on.
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples



Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?







canukeepup -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/28/2009 7:47:38 AM)

maybe it's a personal thing based on how the mood strikes? not sure it's something that should be seen as ''confused'' still wandering around ....gave someone a thought i had n they're comment was ''thats a sub's roll'' well...IF I'M IN CONTROL..how can it be the roll of anything but a dom.?? sometimes just the damn lable thing here drives me nuts but..then...it's not a long drive its just a short putt lol



CarrieO -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/28/2009 9:30:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples


Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?

Yes.  I have the ability to top/dominat and to bottom/submit, sometimes within the same relationship.

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?

Your categories are pretty good.  I think the term 'switch' encompasses so much that it can be hard to define, which turns some people off.  They like to be able to put person A into box A and person B into box B...so much cleaner that way.  I flow between both boxes, and many others.

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?

Of course!  People are always evolving (hopefully) and so do labels and meanings.

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)

Yes, it has been done.  Like I said, when faced with something that doesn't fit a certain label or definition, people will get frustrated and expect a choice to be made.  My choice is to flow.



Of course, we could just battle it out....magna doodle vs etch-a-sketch....to see who can define it best[;)]



SouthernSpankin -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/28/2009 10:21:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Over the years I've identified two distinctly different kinds of switches.

There are ones like me, and by that I mean those who strongly lean towards one side or another. For instance, I'm a mostly submissive switch. I say this even though my personality is primarily dominant, and I submit to a rare few. My primary relationship will always be with a dominant male.

Although I enjoy secondary relationships with submissives, they can't be my primary relationship b/c (so far at least) I'm not interested in having sex with them. This type of switch may have a dom partner and a sub partner, but they rarely, if ever, switch with the same person.

I think many people are confused by this type of switch; they assume when the right person comes along, the stronger side will win out. I can assure you my dominant side does not mysteriously disappear b/c I'm in a relationship with a dom male.

Then there are those switches who are more top/bottom than dom/sub. They tend to be more middle of the road as opposed to extremely dominant or extremely submissive. The also tend to be more S/M then D/s, although I've known switch couples who had a wonderful synergy and flowed from dom to sub effortlessly. This type of switch tends to hook up with another switch of their kind. I also think they are the most misunderstood, b/c those who strongly identify with one side or the other have difficulty understanding those who. . . .don't.

Are there overlaps to these two type? Yes !!

Now to my questions:

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)





I think switches are hard to classify. I know a girl that is Domme-only in the context of the overall relationship, but when it comes to playtime in the bedroom, she loves being the bottom. So in the D/s context, she strongly identifies as a Domme, but in the top/bottom context, she strongly identifies as a bottom. In addition to the D/s variable and the top/bottom variable, you've got all kind of other variables that make it hard to classify switches.

Are they bisexual or not? If so, are they only into one role with one sex and another role with the other sex? Or not? I know girls that are sub-only with males and Domme-only with females. And I know girls that are sub-only with females and Domme-only with males.

Are they into just having one relationship at a time, or are they into having multiple relationships at the same time? If they are just into having one relationship at time, are they cool being just sub-only in that relationship? Are they cool being just Dom-only in that relationship? Or do they need a combination of being both Dom and sub (for example, I know a couple where the husband is the Master and the wife is the slave 6 days a week, except for Sundays, when the wife is the Mistress and the husband is the slave)? Are they cool just being bottom-only or top-only in that relationship, or do they need a combination of being both top and bottom? For example, I know a couples that have a consentual agreement that either one of them can spank the other as they see fit.

And if the switch is into having multiple relationships at the same time, then you can get all kind of results. I know a lot of owned slaves that have their own personal slaves. With you, you are sub-only in your primary relatioship, but you are Dom-only in your secondary relationships--and you look at it like your primary relationship is with your Dom, while the secondary relationships with your subs are all secondary (and in fact, non-sexual). I know a girl like this. She loves her Master but she is seeking her own slave, with the understanding that her relationship with her slave will be non-sexual. But then on the other hand, you have switches in multiple relationships where they don't view one as primary over the other. For example, I girl I know that is a slave to her male Master, but a Mistress to her female slave. She views both relationships as equally primary to her.

But again, I think switches are difficult to classify. And, I'd imagine that at least some switches don't like it when people try to classify them. For example, you were saying that a switch that doesn't strongly lean one way or the other is a switch that tends to hook up with another switch of their kind. From what I've seen, the opposite is true... most switches I know that don't strongly lean one way or the other are switches that are most interested in a relationship where they are sub-only or a relationship where they are Dom-only... they don't really care if they are the Dom or the sub, but they just want to be one or the other in that relationship... not both. And I've seen some switches of this type that don't like it when people classify or lable them as people that "tend to hook up with another switch of their kind," like they are too "weak" to commit to a role--like they are flip-floppers. Because of this, I've seen "switches" that say they don't think of themselves as a "switch," but they prefer being called by this new term, which I can't recall off the top of my head.

All in all, it is interesting to think about how one could possibly classify switches. I think it'd be possible for one to sit down and think of all the different variables and put them together in every possible combination to try to come up with a list of classifications of switches... but it would take a long time and it would be a long list.



porcelaine -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/30/2009 2:18:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Now to my questions:

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)


i believe there are various kinds and trying to pigeonhole someone into a category is fruitless. my own preferences are dependent on my emotional state and where i am at my life at the time. overall i find a few constants to be true. i'm a slave and i prefer to serve a male dominant. off the cuff i can say i will never ever yield to a woman, yet and still i'm mentored and it took me four years to confess that i 'could' bottom to her, as much as it pained me to say. to her credit she has gotten something i would never give another. of this i'm certain.

on the other side of the cap i have a greater affinity to topping men. i don't know, i suppose i find myself restraining where women are concerned in the physical sense. yet i have no hesitation and thoroughly enjoy hurting men. i suspect my sadist is fed and some part of me feels i shouldn't do those things to a woman. yet again there's a contradiction, because there's one i could see myself engaging with in this manner. but shied away in deference to the friendship and the feelings shared.

so where does this leave me at this moment? if i could have it my way, which in some respects is unrealistic because miss greedy gumdrop doesn't like to share. i'd have an owner and one in my care. but since i'm rational and wired towards having one partner at a time, i can honestly admit it can go either way. i see positives and drawbacks on both sides and a part of me suspects that forsaking my slavery would be something i'd miss. on the other hand i know i'm an awesome dominant and have pondered returning to that end.

porcelaine



FunCuriousCpl -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/30/2009 5:36:59 PM)

I am the type of switch that leans more to the submissive side then the domina side.  I live with my Master and He is extremely masculine and dominant therefore I could never top/dominate Him.  I am a dominant person when it comes to work and school.  I take over situations because I want them done right!  As for dominating another submissive, I am more of the sensual domina then an assertive/aggressive one.  I do need this in my life even though I am sensual.  I can become very aggressive when the situation calls for it.  There is one thing, I have a hard time dominating in front of my Master.  I guess I would say that I don't want to disappoint Him and I end up letting Him take over.  We enhance one another, we give each other reason, we give each other love and we give each other the pain/pleasure that we require at times.  We can live a vanilla life but I am still submissive to Him in our everyday life.  There are different degrees of switching.  Either more dominant or more submissive, either more aggressive or more sensual....many aspects of the couple/persons life may dictate the switches depth...as mine does.  [8|]



SearchinGuy -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/30/2009 11:39:18 PM)

well i call myself a switch but i dont wear the t-shirt...yet...i'm new to this (but i said that already) and i guess i define myself by what i'm not...not submissive, not dominant...but i want a partner who can call the tune when i need to lie there on the rug with my legs in the air like my dog, wanting what comes next...and by the same token, i can be proactive, not dominant in the strict sense.....but wanting to please and be pleased....or are we talking about switch only in terms of going from top to bottom...bypassing neutral in the center of the gearbox, like someone on the scarsdale diet might bypass dunkin donuts, all the while thinking of a low-carb smoothie variation they are gonna introduce to their blender....well you get the idea...maybe there is nothing between top and bottom...thus switch...only a term...a bit hollow...like a flashing pink NO VACANCY sign at your local motel six...



Andalusite -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (8/31/2009 7:03:31 AM)

I don't really fit in either category you mention. I can switch in terms of S/M and bondage and such easily, and most people don't push my D/s buttons hard in either direction, but if they do, I've had successful, fairly long-term D/s relationships (5 years as a Domme, 3 years as a submissive, without any switching with anyone). I've never reacted to the same person as both dominant and submissive (in terms of D/s). I've dated guys of all possible BDSM orientations, and am currently a slave and have a female submissive playpartner. Midori teaches a class on approximately this subject (masochistic dominants, submissive sadists, and other categories of switches).



psdao1102 -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/3/2009 11:57:27 AM)

Im not sure if this helps or not. But im not exactly a normal switch. I have like this animal instict when i get exited and i get ontop of my partner and try to control her. Now just like an animal i can be tamed but it takes some assertiveness and some confidence. So im a switch in the sense that if you do nothing, i will be dominant just about every time, but if you resist ill be submissive about every time. My preference on the other hand leans towards being submissive, but what happens ussually doesnt have to do with my preference.



Steelslilbit -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/6/2009 8:41:16 PM)

First off, i have got to say that i absolutely love it when you post stuff like this and i now go off in search of threads you've posted to just to get your perspective on the topic.  YOU ROCK!!  And i love this thread in particular.  So articulate, so well thought out, so wonderfully defined.  Oh, i could just kiss you!!!

quote:

Over the years I've identified two distinctly different kinds of switches.

There are ones like me, and by that I mean those who strongly lean towards one side or another. For instance, I'm a mostly submissive switch. I say this even though my personality is primarily dominant, and I submit to a rare few. My primary relationship will always be with a dominant male.

Yup, on that part i completely agree with you.  i can be recognized as a submissive-type person almost immediately unless i feel bad vibes about my situtation.

Although I enjoy secondary relationships with submissives, they can't be my primary relationship b/c (so far at least) I'm not interested in having sex with them. This type of switch may have a dom partner and a sub partner, but they rarely, if ever, switch with the same person.

This one i can't say i agree.  me and my sister are pretty active with each other and (THANKFULLY) our Master doesn't mind one bit when we go off to sing our "swan song" with out Him.

I think many people are confused by this type of switch; they assume when the right person comes along, the stronger side will win out. I can assure you my dominant side does not mysteriously disappear b/c I'm in a relationship with a dom male.

ABSOFRIGGENLUTELY GIRL!!!  ~ahem~

Then there are those switches who are more top/bottom than dom/sub. They tend to be more middle of the road as opposed to extremely dominant or extremely submissive. The also tend to be more S/M then D/s, although I've known switch couples who had a wonderful synergy and flowed from dom to sub effortlessly. This type of switch tends to hook up with another switch of their kind. I also think they are the most misunderstood, b/c those who strongly identify with one side or the other have difficulty understanding those who. . . .don't.

Are there overlaps to these two type? Yes !!

Now to my questions:

Do you agree that there is more than one kind of switch?
Just as there is more than one type of Dom or sub there is more than one type of switch.  Not all D-types just want to beat holy crap out of their s-type and not all s-types like to be beat the crap out of.  Everyone's different.

If so do you agree with my switch categories, or do you have your own?
i think you summed it up pretty nicely.  ~applauds~

Are there some categories I've yet to identify?
Well...the combinations are endless in a way.  Everyone has different views on everything in this world.  Every aspect is seen from countless ways through every person's eyes.  i think the best we could ever hope for is for people to just stop being rude.  As long as no one is truly harming someone else (and the other is enjoying it anyway), who cares?

All thoughts are appreciated, although if we can keep this from turning into a "switches should just decide" rant, that would be nice (I'm sure that's been done.)


i wouldn't wanna choose if i had to.  i'm inordinately amounts of happy just to be me, and to let others be them.

lil bit




Arpig -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/7/2009 1:52:15 PM)

Actually there are 217 catalogued varieties of switch



Sunnyfey -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/8/2009 4:46:23 AM)

hm.  Being polyfidelitous kind of throws the whole "primary relationship" thing out of whack. I'm more comfortable taking a passive role in relationships, I don't care to be the one in charge. Now if me and Master met a nice submissive/switch male, and he joined our poly family, he would ALSO be a primary relationship. So as a Switch I'd be fucking perfectly happy in this situation. Especially if he were submissive to Master, and switched with me during play times. That actually sounds about damned perfect to me.

So I cant say if I lean towards one side of the kneel or the other. I id as a service top for sure. It's less of a "you will submit to my desires" as it is more of a "lets do something primal and sexy baby". And if that happens to be smacking my lover around while he's tied up and helpless....then lets go for it. As long as they like it and I like it, its all good.

As a submissive, well I am a service oriented girl at heart. I love serveing him. But I have given my power to him, this is less of an active thing to me then, say serveing him dinner. Giving my power to another is more like,Well.... I gave everything up into his hands. I dont run my life...he runs my life. And I'm happy that way.

Though I will always hold the right to take my power back from him, should something ever happen between us, that made this relationship unhealthy for us (Goddess forbid!)



ThislittleKitty -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/11/2009 7:29:43 AM)

My Master is pure bisexual with his switching, just as everything else he is. Im suprised he dosn't lean more to left....or more to the right.
Guess thats because its human nature to choose a "side" one likes more? Or is it?

He's my rubiks cube! ^_^




Venenarius -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/11/2009 11:14:42 AM)

There are as many kinds of switch are there are stars in the sky, as many as there are names and faces for God. Each person, to a greater or lesser degree, has some level of switchyness, which only comes to the forefront under very distinct circumstances. Only a few do so on a regular basis, and rarer still are those with enough self-awareness to do so consciously. It is a great disservice to human perversity that the Kinsey scale only ranges from one to six. It should be from one to six billion.



Elipsis -> RE: Is there more than one kind of switch? (9/11/2009 5:07:25 PM)

The Kinsey scales ranges from zero to six, actually.



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