RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend

RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (Full Version)

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slavekal -> RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (8/30/2009 11:30:03 AM)
I think that is a very bad idea. If the lady is shy, or if she is not aware yet of any interests in this life, you will scare her off with that. I know what I'm talking about. I have been down this road, and so have some other guys I know. Breaking out BDSM toys, books, and videos too soon will chase a girl off.

Lostkitten3 -> RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (8/30/2009 1:00:42 PM)
I didn't say books and toys. And I should have clarified to add on thing at a time, esp the handcuffs. Just leave them on the bedside table so that if she feels like it one day, she can. But spanking is very vanilla and a great way to get started. And even as a submissive he will have to spank her to show her how good it can feel. The topics should be broached delicately and over time, months not weeks. If she is interested, and if you have a book or two on your shelf, she will find them when she is ready, but having a few things available is helpful. Hiding is not. He has no idea if she has Domme or sub tendencies. Shooting ducks in the dark doesn't help. ANd if she isn't a Domme personality and is somehow scared off by his suggestions for sexual play he likes? Then he should find someone who is, instead of hiding and beating his head against a wall. One thing for certain he can do is serve her sexually. It will start to fulfill his need to serve, and make her feel so good it will be harder to say no. Eat her for hours. Find out how to make her orgasm, and give her five or six after that, before you come. Open the door for her. Make her breakfast in bed. Paint her toenails for her. Do the dishes and take out the garbage. Clean her car for her. Fill it with gas when it's empty. Do all the other things that a Domme loves and wants, and see how she reacts to it. It is very difficult to not enjoy being served. Vanilla women demand it all the time. blegh. With whining and manipulation.

Andalusite -> RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (8/30/2009 1:55:46 PM)
I disagree that he has to spank her, she may or may not want or be open to that. The submissive who introduced me to BDSM did bring it up by mentioning he liked to be spanked, but not outright asking me to do it, so I didn't feel pressured. Since then, I've brought it up around the 3rd date unless I met the person in specifically kinky circumstances (on a BDSM personals site or at a playparty or munch). I'm a switch, so I'm pretty flexible about play on either side, and usually we tried a little of both before they decided what they preferred. Since I have dated men (though I've had some female playpartners), my strategy might be completely infeasible or unworkable for guys who are trying to interest a lady in it, especially if they mostly want D/s rather than specific kink/toys. In general, I think a lot of LostKitten's suggestions would be helpful, but not a guarantee. The longer you wait, though, the harder it is to bring it up, and I think a lot of guys assume that their girlfriend won't be interested without being willing to mention it, for fear of rejection. It's a fine line to dance! I know a couple of male submissives have posted success stories here in the past, so if you do a search, you might be able to find some helpful pointers.

Lostkitten3 -> RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (8/30/2009 2:52:34 PM)
Andalusite, I didn't mean he had to spank her, but was suggesting it might help her understand why he likes it. ANd help her find her role. As is said in another thread, spanking is becoming very common in vanilla world (or the world is turning into kinksters) as is exemplified by Monty Python and the holy Grail "A spanking a spanking! Oh, naughty zute! You must give her a spanking!" "and me!" "and me!" Spanking is not the big deal people on this site make it out to be. As a sub, he should be happy to give her what pleases her.

firmlove -> RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a girlfriend (9/1/2009 7:44:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aylee How about: "Hey, do you want to try some domination roleplay?" this works for play "sometimes" but not if you want a relationship with a real underlying D/s theme.

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