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what the best way to bring up domination roleplay to a ... - 8/27/2009 9:25:01 PM   
lilguy31


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		right now for me its a secret
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/27/2009 9:26:21 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		How about:

"Hey, do you want to try some domination roleplay?"

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/27/2009 9:32:08 PM   
lilguy31


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		hmmm may try that :)

Should mention I use the term girlfriend usely..not cause I have other ones (I dont) but cause it been only a couple of dates

Whee in the get to know you phase.

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/27/2009 9:48:55 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilguy31

hmmm may try that :)

Should mention I use the term girlfriend usely..not cause I have other ones (I dont) but cause it been only a couple of dates

Whee in the get to know you phase.


BTW, spell check is your friend. 

So, what I gather is that you want the two of you to screw like mad minks, and you want some roleplay in there. 

If this is your goal. . .

Invite her over for dinner (you cook it!) and a dvd (or two), make sure your apartment/house is clean, and then offer to let her stay the night. 

If she agrees and you two start the face-sucking, you can either suggest the roleplay or depending on what the roleplay is, you can start it.

See how it goes.  She may think you are a total creep and call a cab. . . or she may be into it. 

You will never know until you ask. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 12:11:22 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I'm pretty upfront about it myself. When dating, I'll mention that I'm a submissive, and when my date asks for more details, I'll give the most vanilla explanation of what a submissive is, focusing specifically on her desires and satisfaction as a part of my own desires and satisfaction.

What's really funny is that for the most part, most women I've dated have investigated me before even going on the first or second date and already know about my lifestyle (I have been out for so long now that it's impossible to hide it these days). What's funny about that is I've had a successful date go to the "we're going back to her place" stage, and before we even get into "anything", she indicates she's found out all about me, produces silk scarves or handcuffs and then proceeds to go to work.


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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 3:57:37 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Depends on your definition of 'domination play'.  Could start with saying "I love a strong woman who knows how to take charge" to leaving your collar and leash on the headboard when you don't have a dog.


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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 4:23:19 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		how about buying her a strapon ?  love strapon play i must say  seeing her walk in the room wearing that big strapon is sexy as hell and its great for role play too as she makes you her bitch for the nite  love a lady in control .....have fun mal

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 8:25:15 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		There are a few. One good one is to conveniently lose a bet where the stakes are that the loser has to obey the winner for a specified amount of time. Really play up the servitude. Enjoy it, and make her enjoy it. I have known that one to work.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 8:52:40 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I don't know about a dominant female, but (potentially) dom males tend to respond fairly well to "oh gee, I should be spanked for that" when I make a minor mishap.




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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 9:05:52 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'm curious...if the two of you are still in the 'getting to know each other' stage and have only been on a couple dates (not sure if that makes her your g-friend or not), how are you sure she's even curious about roleplaying let alone domination?

If your question is "How do I open the subject of domination within a relationship to my partner?" then my suggestion would be to just ask her if she's ever been curious about it.  However, if what you're asking is "How do I bring up domme/roleplay to a person I've only just started to get to know?" then I would follow Aylee's advice...

quote:

So, what I gather is that you want the two of you to screw like mad minks, and you want some roleplay in there. 

If this is your goal. . .

Invite her over for dinner (you cook it!) and a dvd (or two), make sure your apartment/house is clean, and then offer to let her stay the night. 

If she agrees and you two start the face-sucking, you can either suggest the roleplay or depending on what the roleplay is, you can start it.

See how it goes.  She may think you are a total creep and call a cab. . . or she may be into it. 

You will never know until you ask.


Why not just take the time to enjoy getting to know her before you bring up the fact that you like the shopping list you offer on your profile.   In fact, your profile mentions you're an 'expert' at roleplaying, I would think you would have had some experience in broaching the subject with a partner if you call yourself an expert. 

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 8/28/2009 9:06:46 AM >

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 9:42:38 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I have to disagree. Asking directly can sometimes be the worst thing you can do. Many potential dommes don't even know that they have these desires. Or at least they are not always willing to fully admit them. Sometimes you have to use strategy. Go slowly. Kind of seduce the domme out of her. Kind of like that story of the frog in water. You turn up the heat so slowly that the frog doesn't even realize what's going on until the water is boiling. If you get a woman so used to being treated like a queen that she starts acting like one, she might not ever want to go back to the way things were.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 9:46:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ninon L'Enclos:

"I tell you on behalf of women: there is not one of us who does not prefer a little rough handling to too much consideration. Men lose through blundering more hearts than virtue saves.

The more timidity a lover shows with us, the more it concerns our pride to goad him on; the more respect he has for our resistance, the more respect we demand of him. We would willingly say to you men, “Ah, in pity’s name do not suppose us to be so very virtuous; you are forcing us to have too much of it. Do not put so high a price upon your conquest; do not treat our defeat as if it were something difficult. Accustom our imagination by degrees to seeing you doubt our indifference.”

This is not the best quote, from Ninon on this matter..

The operational imperative here though is:

Accustom our imagination by degrees..........

Ron(ne)

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/28/2009 9:53:07 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I have to disagree. Asking directly can sometimes be the worst thing you can do. Many potential dommes don't even know that they have these desires. Or at least they are not always willing to fully admit them. Sometimes you have to use strategy. Go slowly. Kind of seduce the domme out of her. Kind of like that story of the frog in water. You turn up the heat so slowly that the frog doesn't even realize what's going on until the water is boiling. If you get a woman so used to being treated like a queen that she starts acting like one, she might not ever want to go back to the way things were.


Not sure if this was in response to my post but...

If you look at the bottom of my post you see this... 
quote:

Why not just take the time to enjoy getting to know her before you bring up the fact that you like the shopping list you offer on your profile.


I agree with you slavekal, most women who have no idea but have the potential to be a domme should be "seduced" into the idea, generally.  The op wasn't clear as to his actual relationship with the woman mentioned and his reasons for wanting roleplay.

quote:

If you get a woman so used to being treated like a queen that she starts acting like one, she might not ever want to go back to the way things were.

Amen!!!!

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 8:35:39 AM   
MissDita


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		You shouldn't say anything about it. Just show her the benefits of your servitude, treat her as a queen, tell her how you feel. (that you want to worship her, make her happy, make her life easier, put her needs above yours) Do this for a while, without telling her anything about bdsm or pushing to roleplaying. Most women don't yet know they are dominant, and if you try to push them into bdsm they won't understand. Their dominant nature has to be seduced. Contact Me for more information.

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 8:37:23 AM   
MissDita


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		You shouldn't say anything about it. Just show her the benefits of your servitude, treat her as a queen, tell her how you feel. (that you want to worship her, make her happy, make her life easier, put her needs above yours) Do this for a while, without telling her anything about bdsm or pushing to roleplaying. Most women don't yet know they are dominant, and if you try to push them into bdsm they won't understand. Their dominant nature has to be seduced. Contact Me for more information if you want

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 9:38:10 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilguy31
right now for me its a secret


If you are on good enough terms with the girlfriend to be having sex, that SHOULD mean you are on good enough terms to have had honest, frank discussions about sexually transmitted diseases and sexual desires.

Kink really, really, really depends on communication.

In a non-sexual situation, open the conversation. Just say, "You know, I have some of these desires and I wondered if any of them interested you." Explain the general outline of what you'd like to try. Honesty works wonders, trying to "trick" or "seduce" her into the sexual roleplay you want is - in my view - not smart nor wise.

If she seems interested, then the two of you need to define the boundaries of the scenario you want to experiment with. What is taboo? What things should be elements of the play? What is the safeword you will be using to bring it to a shrieking halt of one of you weirds out?

If this kind of play is not her cup of tea, then if she's a casual girlfriend, you may need to let it drop. If you are in a relationship with some commitment, such that you each want to do what it takes to make the other happy, you might ask her if she'd do the roleplay with you at least once to fulfil your fantasy, then you can talk about it again afterwards and see how she feels about it once she's tried it.



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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 10:22:42 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I recommend not saying much of anything at first.  SHOW her, don't tell her.  Miss Dita is right.  The lady needs to learn what she likes before you can talk about it.  Discussion too soon is the worst thing you can do.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 10:27:42 AM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		slowly, start with spanking. If she responds favorably, try handcuffs. Ask first. Then if she says no, keep them around, she may change her mind later.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/29/2009 10:34:35 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		OP is male submissive.  He can't spank himself.  Or cuff himself.  He has to seduce the domina out of her.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: what the best way to bring up domination roleplay t... - 8/30/2009 10:49:43 AM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		oooo well, bring in cuffs, ask her to cuff him to the bed.
And ask her to spank him. Say how much you love it. SPanking is more vanilla than you think.

And handcuffs are getting vanilla too.


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Profile   Post #: 20
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