Why do folks complain aout their ailments?

Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (Full Version)

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pahunkboy -> Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 5:21:21 PM)
Both the neighbor age 75, and my mother- always need to tell me about the aches and pains. I guess I get that way as well. Why is it that people do this? What is the motivation? Is it therapeutic? ...I got to thinking one can think themself into poor health or at least a bad day.

Rule -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 5:27:34 PM)
Everybody craves recognition, especially in the case of diseases. If a physician denies that a patient is ill - happens every day - the sick patient will never be treated for his disease. Thus recognition is the first step in getting a disease or medical problem treated. Recognition may also invoke a prayer for the afflicted.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 5:29:34 PM)
I dunno, PA. I don't get it either. I used to have a fiend - well, actually, he was the husband of an ex girlfriend, and she and I were still close friends - who I don't even see anymore because once he had prostrate surgery, that was the only thing in the world he ever wanted to talk about the rest of his life. I just couldn't take any more endless hours of sitting there listening to him describe in excruciating detail how they hacked up his dick, and all the things that didn't work anymore, and all the exact technical reasons they no longer worked. I've known other people who liked to go on and on about every single thing they thought they had wrong with them, and I just headed for the door. I just can't stand to listen to it over and over again. Just shut up and die like a man, for christ's sake!

Tantriqu -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 5:33:47 PM)
There are people of any age who are whiners and complainers about little things, and absolutely there are hypochondriacs of your own age, except they're TALKING ABOUT THEIR PROSTATITIS IN RESTAURANTS ON THEIR CELLPHONES. So if your Mom is like a female Jack Lalanne and she has absolutely nothing physicially wrong with her, count your blessings. Otherwise, imagine how you felt the last time you had the 'flu: nauseated, hot then cold, weak, tired, achey, can't sleep. Now add in some constipation, poor eyesight, and urinary incontinence. Now add that all of your parents, friends, siblings, classmates and lovers are dead, and it's been years/decades since your last screaming orgasm. Now add a pair of bum knees, bad back, feet that hurt every time you take a step, fingers that can't button a blouse because of the arthritis from washing your ungrateful child's diapers. Now add there's no music, movies or other entertainment available that you enjoy. Now add little hope for your personal future, because it's unlikely you'll ever have a lovely vacation, a lover, an increase in your income, or a great job. So you see, there's NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT that people have in common except bodily functions. Now add an unempathetic child. [This is NOT biographical: I on the other hand try to be empathetic, AND I have frequent screaming orgasms] So stop your own whining and take your Mom to Hawai'i so she'll have something WONDERFUL to talk about with her neighbours. She deserves a wonderful vacation. Do you?

pahunkboy -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 7:31:42 PM)
There is mentioning it- then there is obsessing over it. By the time we review the entire range of ailments- all involved start to feel ill. ...incidentally- I DO know how some of it feels. I was not around yesterday as that day I was in bed. (black out) I wish I could take her to Hawaii. She had a ball when my siblings brought her to Florida. When she moved to Chicago 2 years ago- she broke out of the rut she was in per PA. But now it seems to be coming back. In a way- tho- I would guess people will avoid others who constantly complain. The wonderment tho is not limited to my mom. The neighbor and others get into the same pattern. IS there something I can do to ease the pain? If so- I am happy to help. Once I know all about it- I am not sure when re-telling me about it solves. Everyone has ailments so if everyone can discuss them - on and on- then - it would cut into the happy things in life- assuming there is any.

Viridana -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 11:16:45 PM)
Because said people need attention...

manxcat -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/28/2009 11:35:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tantriqu There are people of any age who are whiners and complainers about little things, and absolutely there are hypochondriacs of your own age, except they're TALKING ABOUT THEIR PROSTATITIS IN RESTAURANTS ON THEIR CELLPHONES. So if your Mom is like a female Jack Lalanne and she has absolutely nothing physicially wrong with her, count your blessings. Otherwise, imagine how you felt the last time you had the 'flu: nauseated, hot then cold, weak, tired, achey, can't sleep. Now add in some constipation, poor eyesight, and urinary incontinence. Now add that all of your parents, friends, siblings, classmates and lovers are dead, and it's been years/decades since your last screaming orgasm. Now add a pair of bum knees, bad back, feet that hurt every time you take a step, fingers that can't button a blouse because of the arthritis from washing your ungrateful child's diapers. Now add there's no music, movies or other entertainment available that you enjoy. Now add little hope for your personal future, because it's unlikely you'll ever have a lovely vacation, a lover, an increase in your income, or a great job. So you see, there's NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT that people have in common except bodily functions. Now add an unempathetic child. [This is NOT biographical: I on the other hand try to be empathetic, AND I have frequent screaming orgasms] So stop your own whining and take your Mom to Hawai'i so she'll have something WONDERFUL to talk about with her neighbours. She deserves a wonderful vacation. Do you? bravo and ty and remember we will be there one day too ;;-))

Aneirin -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 5:28:24 AM)
Because their ailments, ail them, poor health, and yes, telling others, is a way of seeking attention via sympathy. Or in another line of thought, ailments create negative energy, too much negative energy consumes, telling others is getting rid of some of that negative energy, anything positive that comes back, goes some way to cancelling some of the negativity, and makes the ailment less consuming. Who knows, our attraction to each other in life, chance meetings, friends, colleagues, intimate interactions, is what drives us seeking something it needs via us.

stella41b -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 5:33:58 AM)
All I can say is consider yourself lucky that you're not here in the UK where I've encountered a few people prepared to give you regular updates about their bowel movements. 'How are you?' 'Well I haven't been for three days now' or 'I'm regular again.' And in places in Central Europe they've even got toilets with shelves so you can view your own creations before you flush. Ewww!!! I'd also avoid countries in Central Europe like Poland where it's expected to respond to a 'How are you?' with a brief report of your health, ailments and financial problems. When I was living there it took me almost four years to work that one out. Prior I'd respond with the standard Western or American 'fine', 'I'm doing good' but I realized people responded much better when I did the same and told them about some ailment. It doesn't matter if you're as fit as a fiddle - make one up! I don't mind people telling me about their ailments and problems, I mean as we get older we start getting them and many doctors nowadays simply don't have the time to sit and listen to their patients properly as they're so overworked. Indeed, at my local surgery sometimes it's like a race when you walk in to see the doctor - your objective is to get to the chair and sit down before the doctor manages to get hold of the prescription pad and a pen. This is one of things about Americans which amuses me so much - together with their obsession with the weather, tendency to go 'crisis-shopping', general fear of making commitments (I'm guessing but I'm almost certain American society is based on the casual acquaintance) and the way they use English is their instinctive loathing of 'whining' and 'drama'. You can ask 'How are you?' to someone who's visibly suffering, blocked nose, red eyes, coughing, spluttering, wheezing, but if they're an American don't be surprised if they tell you 'I'm doing okay' or 'I'm doing good.' I'm exaggerating here somewhat and not being entirely serious but it's something which I admit fascinates me. But after years spent working with (and sometimes living with) expat Americans I don't believe Americans avoid talking about problems or things that bother them any more than anyone else I mean, after all, if you can't complain and share your troubles with friends who else can you turn to?

Phoenixpower -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 5:40:48 AM)
lol, this "How are you" question amuses me at times...sometimes I tend to reply "Do you want the german or the british answer?" As in my view...they only want to hear the regular answer "I am fine" anyway...therefore that's my british answer...whereas if someone asks me for my german response...then don't feel offended of my very blunt answer on that one.

sophia37 -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 7:00:36 AM)
I work with the elderly. And it amazes me that they talk about the things they talk about. I witnessed my 86 year old aunt and an 86 year old neighbor in seperate events, both begin a conversation with a stranger by saying the exact same thing. Hi how are you? "My teeth are falling out!" I think somewhere way down in, they realized that it would be noticed when they smiled. So they headed everyone off at the pass so it was a non-event when it was time for a laugh, or having a snack in their company. They were deep down affected and somehow embarrassed by the missing teeth. It was their reality. They recognized that everyone else they met had teeth. I might do that too someday. I cant say. Except it has made me take extraordinary care of my choppers. So somehow, as we age, we become no longer silent when it comes to our bodies. We feel the need to explain why we are as we now are. Plus missing teeth is something they are constantly being made aware of three times per day. Some old people cant recall major current events. So they tell you the most recent thing they know about. Which is themselves. Aging is not for the faint of heart.

DarkSteven -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 7:12:26 AM)
Funny. My grandmother lived to 102. I never heard her complain about her ailments, even though I knew she had arthritis. When she had a conversation, she turned it to the person she was talking with and asked about his or her life.

FullCircle -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 10:28:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy Both the neighbor age 75, and my mother- always need to tell me about the aches and pains. I guess I get that way as well. Why is it that people do this? What is the motivation? To make us dread getting old and give us the opportunity to jump under a bus before bits start dropping of naturally.

pahunkboy -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 10:34:19 AM)
I deserved that. I am 45 years old. I have an income. Yet- mom mailed me $30. It does no good to say not to as she will anyway. It is frustrating in the regard that it seems like forever she has had colon/etc/inside problems-and it never seems to get fixed. I did have a talk with my sister tho on her UM. I warned about learned fears. Mom will teach the UM to fear things that ...is not necessary. I recall as a kid mom would buy pretzles and potato chips. We would snack all day THEN we would have a meal. So of course that has an effect on ones health.

pahunkboy -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 10:55:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aneirin Because their ailments, ail them, poor health, and yes, telling others, is a way of seeking attention via sympathy. Or in another line of thought, ailments create negative energy, too much negative energy consumes, telling others is getting rid of some of that negative energy, anything positive that comes back, goes some way to cancelling some of the negativity, and makes the ailment less consuming. Who knows, our attraction to each other in life, chance meetings, friends, colleagues, intimate interactions, is what drives us seeking something it needs via us. A brilliant reply! At times- I can see that such banter can arrive at new solutions. Other times- it seems like the whole group feels worse as suffering vicariously. This ties into what my next question is. Why is it when we age we seem to solely think on what bothers us? The thought patterns as compared to say age 20. People over 40 don't smiles as much.

Lockit -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 11:14:08 AM)
If someone thinks the answer is... someone needs attention... attention seeking or negative energy... omg... how simplistic! And that just pissed the fuck outta me! What the hell? Things that come with age are boiled down to being negative and attention seeking? Shall we just not notice them at all? Shall we just give them a monthly call if that... don't dare ask how they are and ignore their very real experience even more? If it were attention seeking, then god damn it, maybe they need some attention! Doctors won't listen... everyone has a life... no one is giving any quality attention to many of them! But I do not in my own experience and from what I have seen in living with many of them, do not believe it is so simple as needing attention! A book could be written on it. While you younger, hard bodied, postitive people are running around assuming you understand and can even with detail judge and know they are faulty... I will wish that you never have to watch this shit happen to many people or go through it yourself. Shame on some of you! For many of them, they are forgotten, no longer of use and set aside in most every way a person could be. They are not cared for, shown love and live very lonely and empty lives. It isn't like they can always get out or go or know computers or can afford computers or anything else besides some friggin easy cook meals and a television. Some are not seeking attention, but so rarely speak with anyone for such long periods of time.. that time on their brain and social skills are robbed of them. Ever think of that? Have you ever seen someone that lived alone and had no one to talk to except the clerk at the store that they can see maybe twice a month and do not have much of a voice because they never speak? I know this happens. I have even lived it. When I would speak more than a few sentences that I would use to talk with my son typically... I would cough because it messed me up so much. You cannot say these things and have any clue what their lives are like. Period. Until you have worked with them or have lived it... I wouldn't be so hasty to judge them and simplify them. Now I am going for a breather... damn that pisses me off that good hard working, elderly people who have given a lifetime and have a lifetime of experience and things to teach and talk about are subject to judgement we take in the five minutes it might take to run from them. Fuck that shit!

pahunkboy -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 12:00:16 PM)
But if all you can talk about is how broken down the body is- isnt that like saying- I am an old horse- send me out to the glue factory?

LaTigresse -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 12:18:16 PM)
If a person hasn't got much joy in their life and if a person hasn't got much going on outside of their immediate concerns, especially after they retire and have raised their kids, they tend to have a smaller and smaller life. I've seen it in my own family. Too many people do not have a life plan for when they don't have to get up, go to work, take care of others, etc... It is something I didn't understand for a long time because I am really good at keeping myself entertained and have always been happy with just my own company. The best thing you can do, if you have a person like this in your life, is help give them something more positive to focus on. It is very personal thing. It could be something as simple as a hobby or a pet (though this must be thought through VERY carefully), a membership at a gym or something that will get them involved with others and more active. The key is to get them involved in things outside themself. Sadly, there are some that won't or can't. I have a few of those. One has spent her life focused on all the negative, using it as excuses, and yes, a cry for attention. She has literally created health issues with her nagativity and all that entails. Another prefers to lock himself in his house and drink, almost to his death in April, and still prefers it over family time. Something else to keep in mind. Depression is something that is very common in the elderly and sadly overlooked or ignored. Have your mother checked out. There are some people that, for some reason, will always be negative, regardless. But if it is someone you love, that has given you so much, do what you can to make their life more positive. Don't avoid them, or make that compulsory visit and run as fast as you can, but instead, listen, ask questions, see if there is an underlying problem they are not complaining about. See if there is something that can be done to help them. They will be happier AND you will enjoy their company more.

Lockit -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 12:19:36 PM)
Absolutely not! My god, you think about it! That is about all the time most are given! If they consistantly got what they needed in many ways, they might not have much to complain about. Meet their needs and maybe, just maybe, they can share with you a wealth of information. I have seen studies where the majority of older people were in pain and it was not properly treated. Their minds would become foggy... they would be irritable... they were consumed with a lot of different things. Then you add isolation and no one to care and no activity that is really something interesting and affordable and whatever else they have going on. Pa... I live with pain that could knock anybody off their feet and I am now untreated. It can make me foggy.. or less intelligent for those that don't understand foggy. It can make me want to cry or lay down and die. But you know I am stubborn enough to want more and still younger than many you are talking about. I have my son to live for. But there was a time when I was with twelve stories of olderly and disabled people. Some didn't have a visit for months and even years. We would all try to help out. We would meet and talk and laugh and make merry... but some of those people could not even go down the hall and down the the elevator to sit in a hard seat to talk to us. In the last study I read, if their pain was treated, they brightened up, could talk about things they couldn't before and had far more life in them. If people are complaining, most often there is a reason for it and it needs someone to love or care enough to address it.

pahunkboy -> RE: Why do folks complain aout their ailments? (8/29/2009 12:26:19 PM)
Lockit- a good point. We are advanced but on many pain issues we made no progress. Health care is more like a pill program- not to cure. LAT, Jenny seems to lock herself into - no changes ever - so alot can be said for that. When I talk to people- and I do have injuries- where for a few years the pain was bad. One thing they taught in pain management is to never exaggerate your pain. If I am having a bad day- I will let the person know then move on to another topic. I dont wish bad things on people. But ya know the deck is stacked with the western diet and lifestyle.

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