RE: what happened to friendship?

RE: what happened to friendship? (Full Version)

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SweetDommes -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 8:25:51 AM)
Amen to that, Starlett. If they can't be friends, then they can't be anything.

LaTigresse -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 9:09:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Local folks who are interested in friendships are usually good with Me. I'm not so much the type to chat with just random folks, though I will trade emails and so on. I tend to stay away from the chat deal unless it's someone that I'm actually interested in meeting and playing with. Non local folks that I get to know from the boards I'll chat with if there is already a friendship established from emails, but that's rare. I don't do situations like someone mails Me from out of the blue in another state and says, oh, I just want friends in the lifestyle. That's pretty much a bs line with Me. I figure, if a person really wants friends, it's going to be with someone they know, not just some random profile that comes up. This pretty much sums up my feelings. I am just not going to take the time to maintain contact with a random person from the net like they would like. As selfish as it sounds, there has to be something in it for me.

SweetDommes -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 9:21:40 AM)
I don't do that with random people - but locals that I might actually hang out with? yeah, I'll chat with them.

porcelaine -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 9:58:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse This pretty much sums up my feelings. I am just not going to take the time to maintain contact with a random person from the net like they would like. As selfish as it sounds, there has to be something in it for me. i think that's a very honest answer ma'am. every man that i've ever become friends with generally had an interest in me at the beginning. i cannot think of anyone that resides at a distance that intentionally sought out friendship. porcelaine

Andalusite -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 7:41:27 PM)
I've been able to make a few friends here, and on another BDSM site in the past, as well as on some of the vanilla boards I go to. More often with other ladies, but some men are legitimately friendly as well. If someone approaches me romantically, and when I'm not interested, they ask to be friends, I tend to get a little suspicious. It really doesn't work that way for me - I don't declare someone to be my friend, it's something that is built over time, as we get to know each other.

gentlemanprince -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 9:13:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince I have emailed several Dommes whose profiles looked interesting and indicated that they were looking for friends as well as bdsm relationships. I was clear that I am already involved with a wonderful woman and that all I was seeking was friendship. I've gotten virtually no responses to those emails. Perhaps they weren't really interested in friendships or perhaps they just didn't like this frog. Oh well. I'm not shattered and will try again if something comes up. i think the frog is adorable. he's even wearing a crown. who could resist royalty in disguise? [;)] porcelaine Thank you for the lovely words, porcelaine.

stella41b -> RE: what happened to friendship? (8/31/2009 10:00:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I am just not going to take the time to maintain contact with a random person from the net like they would like. As selfish as it sounds, there has to be something in it for me. I don't think this is selfish at all. There has to be some sort of reason for the friendship, some motivation between two people to both want to create a friendship otherwise it becomes a bit like a business - cold-calling, canvassing. Me being who I am if I cannot perceive a reason why someone wants contact with me then I'm usually suspicious. Suspicion is hardly a good reason for friendship. I feel I've been lucky with this site, more than any other. Why? Has it got me that ideal relationship? No. Regular play? No. Regular sex? No. It's brought me a lot of friendships, both real time and online. Those friendships are divided into those I meet, those I'd like to meet if given the opportunity and may do at some point in the future, and those I may never ever meet. In each and every case these friendships have come out of an act of kindness. Kind words, encouragement, emotional support, help, empathy. In some way in each and every case I care and I know that when I come to this site there are people who do care and who I can turn to and I would hope that they feel they can turn to me. It doesn't matter when, for what reason, all that really matters is that they are there, as I am here. Three years ago there weren't any friends. There was just a profile. I had just returned to London, no real time friends. Today I have a network of friends, enough that I can go to a munch or an event and be pretty sure that I will be recognized or find a friend to talk to, meet. Soon I will be going back to Poland, where I will reunite with some old friends, and a major purpose of the trip is to meet them. There's no point in approaching anyone for 'friendship' if there's nothing in it for them or for you, just as there's no point if you're not going to be there for them. One of the keystones of BDSM for me personally is, was, and always will be mutual friendship.

LaTigresse -> RE: what happened to friendship? (9/1/2009 4:14:24 AM)
To me, my first answer sounded quite cold and harsh and I want to explain myself a bit. My time online is so disjointed, hit and miss, no set schedule. I have strong feelings about friendship, obligations to meet, time needs to be spent to maintain a good friendship. Without the time, available, guaranteed, I cannot give an online friend that contact to grow something. I can receive a wonderful email, delight in it, read it several times to wring every bit of wonderful out of it. In doing so, there is so much I want to say, uninterupted and focused time to respond. I may not get that kind of time for days, even a week or more, I feel guilty that the other person may think something other than the truth. That I like them so much I WANT to give them my time and undivided attention. By the time I get to it, I feel bad that it took so long. It is MY perception, that my limited amount of time to give quality time, sends out the wrong message. So, perhaps, I avoid trying to establish that connection........I don't know for sure. So few inspire that feeling in me yet when someone does, I think more about them and not wanting to hurt them, than any consideration of myself. For myself, every email received from them is a gem. Stella, you are one of those amazing people, who's every email I love reading. Spending time with you would be a delight.

CaringandReal -> RE: what happened to friendship? (9/1/2009 4:28:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes My own personal frustration at the moment. I chatted with a local boy a while back, things got crazy at work and I didn't have a chance to talk to much of anyone for awhile. When I just tried to say hi to him tonight, to see how he's doing, etc. I find out that I'm blocked. Now, color me confused here, but even though we weren't compatable for a relationship beyond friendship, we did both say that having friends in the lifestyle was good, and he said that he hoped we could be friends so I thought we were going to chat and be friends. And yet there was no warning to the block, just poof I'm blocked. Is it so horrible for me to want to just be friends with some people? Am I wrong to think that friendship is a plus? During the period you were busy, did you get a lot of emails or IMs from him that you did not respond to? It's very easy for anyone not on site with you at work to not understand what you mean by "crazy at work." If this person got complete silence for a span of time, maybe he saw it as your not wanting the friendship anymore or snubbing him. New friendships, especially (and I do mean just friendships, not romances) take tending and care, until the other person gets to know your communication habits. Regular one or two sentence replies, not responding in depth to an email but updating them about your swamped situation and how long you think it might last, or better, affirming that you're still interested in getting to know them, will usually do the trick if the other person isn't drama-prone or still expecting a a romance.

LadyPact -> RE: what happened to friendship? (9/1/2009 7:33:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse To me, my first answer sounded quite cold and harsh and I want to explain myself a bit. My time online is so disjointed, hit and miss, no set schedule. I have strong feelings about friendship, obligations to meet, time needs to be spent to maintain a good friendship. Without the time, available, guaranteed, I cannot give an online friend that contact to grow something. I can receive a wonderful email, delight in it, read it several times to wring every bit of wonderful out of it. In doing so, there is so much I want to say, uninterupted and focused time to respond. I may not get that kind of time for days, even a week or more, I feel guilty that the other person may think something other than the truth. That I like them so much I WANT to give them my time and undivided attention. By the time I get to it, I feel bad that it took so long. It is MY perception, that my limited amount of time to give quality time, sends out the wrong message. So, perhaps, I avoid trying to establish that connection........I don't know for sure. So few inspire that feeling in me yet when someone does, I think more about them and not wanting to hurt them, than any consideration of myself. For myself, every email received from them is a gem. Stella, you are one of those amazing people, who's every email I love reading. Spending time with you would be a delight. I think we're probably very close on this. Perhaps for different reasons, but the same conclusion. With having to deal so much with the deployments over the last year and a half, the chat time that I've had has gone primarily to the males in My poly family. I've felt that was My priority and I believe it is properly placed. I have absolutely missed chatting with DarchChylde. I've said more than once that if he wasn't owned, he absolutely could have been the third man in My life. There are one or two others that have certainly had that spark for Me. To date, they haven't realized their own potential.

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