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i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 12:35:39 PM

newbieinchi

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i have a friend who maybe a Dom. how can i find out without going right out and asking? are there any signs too look for?

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 12:38:23 PM

angelic

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does he say 'good girl'? truly not trying to be flippant... but seriously in the most 'nilla forums that was always a flag for me...

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 12:45:47 PM

foxglove716

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yep angelic, ive noticed that one too. Newbie, if youre not sure, you could always make some submissive comment that could be played off as a joke or being playful if he doesnt react well. The next time youre in the right situation, you can say something like "ooh ive been a bad girl!" or something subtly submissive.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 12:49:28 PM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

does he say 'good girl'? truly not trying to be flippant... but seriously in the most 'nilla forums that was always a flag for me...

And always totally annoying to a Domme.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 1:04:04 PM

angelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

does he say 'good girl'? truly not trying to be flippant... but seriously in the most 'nilla forums that was always a flag for me...

And always totally annoying to a Domme.

roflmao!!

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 3:00:29 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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ya' new bianchi,
there are plenty ,of signs,to look for....(see my comment below?),

quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieinchi

i have a friend who maybe a Dom. how can i find out without going right out and asking? are there any signs too look for?

you almost have to come out and ask;like first distant questions ,then time passes and, ask a little more specifically ;then no matter what the answer ;you have to figure out ,if the person's actually omitting the truth, or ,not, for some reason.....,and,
forget their reason,just what's the truth; even ,with an answer.
one question i ask is ;are you, into leather,if ,not ; bye...
later,if i'm still interested, and, doubt the first reply,or they passed,with flying-colors,or showed no bigot signs;i ask; o.k. ;you know right from left? ;top from bottom?; sub from dom?
and,what are you ;
im bottom,
if they say huh;?
say:i'm slave;
if they still look stupid;
say nevermind;and drop it.
finally,or simutaneously ,with the last question; you can ask ;you have a partner,and you find out if they are strate or gay, or bi ;whatever...almost immediately,esp,when you ask are you dom,or top;and say ,cause,i'm a slave,to who-ever.....
i take it you know the signals ,to wear,to see, if this person's a bum ,and harrasses you for wearing no guises;
like i wear a slave leather 6inch keytag ,on my right-side,attached,to a key chain,eventually, if they hang ,around me long ,enuff; they see it ;or can't read;S.L.A.V.E.
IT'S DISCREET ,but ,plain enuff,if you're , that interested,in reading a mans' ornaments;signals,or adornment.
you can make up your own distant ,to close questions,but ,if you are open and ,they are not;
chances are; it's a no-go situation ,unless you're, into teaching, or taking someone out ;here's, to ya....
the more experience;the less you waste your time,with the wrong people,or stupid you ;you desperate,or changing?.....
and ,
thanks, new bianchi,
you can always identify yourself ,with persons you are comfortable,with ,in your community ;you trust;
you want them,to know;
some; you dont need to bother,but don't hide,from your own....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 2/25/2006 3:22:25 PM >

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 4:01:47 PM

theRose4U

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I would go with the opinion that if your instincts are telling you then it's possible. I actually have 3 subs on my floor, 2 others that I've identified in the company and 2 Doms that I've met on the street and just gone...humm I know you from somewhere and initially not be able to put my finger on where.
Subs especially collared ones the big tip off is when you inquire about their unique jewelry they say a "good friend" gave it to them and no they can't take it off so you can look closer. The entire time they refuse to make eye contact. The blush when I whisper good boy usually brings them around.
Dom/mes are a little more difficult. Personally I like the idea that on the street I'm anonymous. The Doms I met hinted with screen names but it wasn't until later that I realized why their face was so red.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 5:27:28 PM

Zenonis

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One thing that you can do is in some context, as in reply to something that he said to you is reply... "yes Sir". I have twigged on subs in vanilla settings by this. The "good girl" could be a clue. Even better to me is just the general manner of the interaction between her and I. The mental interplay. Of course, I have IDed subs before... and they are not really open to what they are inside. If all else fails.. just ask.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 6:51:50 PM

BearNFirelight

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First off if he is a Dom (knowledgable of his Dom side or not), he will instinctively respond to your submissive nature. Allow him to take the lead and see if he takes it or goes out of his way to defer to you.

Just one thought....best of luck.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 8:21:01 PM

proudsub

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I started a similar thread about a friend about a year ago, and i still don't know if she is a domme.

how to approach r/l friends

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 8:48:14 PM

Driver1961

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He enter, dips His hat. (thinks He take it off today to save the dipping......!)

Good question which normally 'flirting' takes care of.

I presume this is a male and you may wish to submit to him, so lets get on the offensive here. Nothing says that a sub you cannot be forthright. You are investigating whether He is worthy to submit to, as such be proactive, investigate directly. You then submit in action later and enjoy.....

So, tell Him you like strength of character and conviction in a partner
You love your hair being ruffled and pulled- encourage Him to do this when lashing tongues.(My first g/f grabbed my hand and rubbed her clit with it) - be submissive to His tongue tho!
Don't refix your hair after a kiss/lashing, instead tell Him how much you enjoyed your hair being messed by Him .

Straight, honest, but flirty conversation with get the mood happening where you could ask Him directly. Just get the laughter happening, be a flirtslut and let Him know that you are doing this for His only.

Have a good tongue wag, a tongue lash and delightful messy hair for a 'public' moment!

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/25/2006 8:54:40 PM

brightspot

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quote:

Dom/mes are a little more difficult.

Now I find it a lot easier to notice or "get the lifestyle" vibe from Dominas and females subs
than Doms or male submissives(especially Hetro subs) but maybe that is because
of my preference for Female/female relationships.

*Brightspot

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 2/26/2006 8:10:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BearNFirelight

First off if he is a Dom (knowledgable of his Dom side or not), he will instinctively respond to your submissive nature. Allow him to take the lead and see if he takes it or goes out of his way to defer to you.

Just one thought....best of luck.

OR he could just be a vanilla oriented person who has a dominant personality. Or a submissive oriented person who just happens to have a dominant personality.

OR a dominant who would find it rude to actively express dominance to someone else without clear consent.

The only sure way to know is to ask, anything else could lead to false assumptions.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/5/2006 5:36:31 PM

newbieinchi

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thank you A/all for you ideas, i used them recently i started working for him more and more he gives me more things to do. like cleaning up after dinner at the complex where i live. and i've noticed somethings that are showing he is what i thaught. like one time he asked me to clean the table legs i threw out yes Sir and he replyed with good girl. another time i was being a smararse and he replied don't make me hit you. so something tells me instincts are right.
once again thank you A/all for your input i'm gonna see where it goes from here.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/5/2006 7:11:37 PM

Submotive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieinchi

i have a friend who maybe a Dom. how can i find out without going right out and asking? are there any signs too look for?

i'm just curious. Why do you want to know if he's Dom or not?

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/5/2006 7:37:46 PM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieinchi

i have a friend who maybe a Dom. how can i find out without going right out and asking? are there any signs too look for?

Take him to a tack shop, if he gets that fiendish glow and says can you bend over while I try this--He's there.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/5/2006 8:03:08 PM

Slipstreme

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quote:

One thing that you can do is in some context, as in reply to something that he said to you is reply... "yes Sir". I have twigged on subs in vanilla settings by this. The "good girl" could be a clue. Even better to me is just the general manner of the interaction between her and I. The mental interplay. Of course, I have IDed subs before... and they are not really open to what they are inside. If all else fails.. just ask.

The problem with using the phrase "yes Sir/Ma'am" or referring to someone as "Sir/Ma'am" is that in many places, that is simply taken as a pleasentry. I use it all the time with strangers, especially when at work. It doesn't convey any authority in the vanilla world and is simply taken as being polite. In many cases is how people are raised to respond to strangers, as in my case.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/6/2006 1:46:31 PM

Submotive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newbieinchi

thank you A/all for you ideas, i used them recently i started working for him more and more he gives me more things to do. like cleaning up after dinner at the complex where i live. and i've noticed somethings that are showing he is what i thaught. like one time he asked me to clean the table legs i threw out yes Sir and he replyed with good girl. another time i was being a smararse and he replied don't make me hit you. so something tells me instincts are right.
once again thank you A/all for your input i'm gonna see where it goes from here.

oh, now i see why you wanted to know - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha -okay i'm done.

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/6/2006 3:35:53 PM

MarinaBlack

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If you feel you are truely friends, why not just come out and ask?

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RE: i have a friend that i think maybe a Dom? - 3/8/2006 1:29:00 PM

SweetEscravo

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Lead him into it slowly, by doing the things you've talked about...saying yes sir, ect. If you think he seems completely comfortable with that kind of thing, then go the next step further. Finally, when he still seems comfortable, tell him what you want- and just try it for a night. Just keep going like that.

If you ask straight out, there is a chance he will be freaked out because he doesn't know exactly what you're talking about. Most people have crazy ideas about the lifestyle and even when they like parts of it, the idea of being "kinky" or into bdsm makes them think of very extreme play.

Honestly, this is exactly what I did with the man who is now my dom/daddy. When we first met he was completely vanilla, but I led him into everything and now he loves it. Here we are, two years later, engaged and 24/7. In the begining he didn't have a good idea of what BDSM was about until I showed him.

The point is to lead him in slowly, and never try too much too fast because it might freak out either one of you to jump right into something. Keep working at it, and best of luck.

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